Chapter Twenty Nine

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the song makes me sad

please hear Gus out :)

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Evelyn felt numb. She was still standing in the doorway to the apartment, the unusually cold air nipping at her skin as she observed anything but the man in front of her. His eyes were flooded with guilt and hurt as she couldn't bear to touch him, to even look at him. Her mind couldn't help but flash with thoughts of what they did and it made her sick to her stomach.

"I, Evy." Angus' voice cracked. He took a small step forwards but retreated immediately when he saw his Evy take a small step away. She couldn't look him in the eye and any time she looked up and saw his torn face, her heart shattered all over again.

"Please," his voice pleaded. It was husky but not from sleep, no he was fully awake now. It was husky because his throat was closing over from being choked up and emotionally guilty and scared. His eyes filled with tears and he found himself growing frustrated at himself.

"I need to go," Evelyn whispered. She needed time, time to think and time to process what went on. Angus has cheated on her. He had slept with another woman, but she couldn't really blame him. She wanted to hate him but she couldn't. She couldn't bring herself to.

Never once had the two discussed their relationship, they never made themselves exclusive and never gave themselves a label. Technically, he was free to sleep with anyone he wanted but it still tore her into millions of pieces. Evelyn was stupid, she kept forgetting that their relationship wasn't normal. Angus didn't know any relationship rules usually left unspoken because they were usually gained by observation, TV shows and books. He showed so much affection that Evelyn didn't think cheating was a possibility. But it was, and with someone who looked the complete opposite to her. She was only female, Evelyn had her insecurities and the girl she saw leaving was gorgeous, apart from unusually small nose and a few small spots on her face but it was such a minor flaw that it didn't even matter and anyone would look past it.

To top it off, he was drunk too. It was such a poor excuse, but it was one never less. He had never been drunk, never been under the influence of alcohol and never knew the effects of decision making it has on you.

"Evy, no." Angus desperately pleaded straight away, his eyes snapping to hers. "I'm sorry. Don't leave me." His eyes felt sore and he blinked to rid the water filling them.

"I need time Gus, I'm sorry." Her voice broke.

She wanted to hate him, she honestly did but she couldn't. She turned to leave but was pulled back into a warm body. She fought it, she squirmed and tried to push him away but it didn't work. He was to strong and he was desperate for his Evy to stay with him. He wanted her to stay, to explain and to apologize to make her to smile.

"Angus, let me go." Evelyn sternly tried to say, but her voice ended up breaking. A tear leaked from her eyes and her breathing was rapid. Uneven breaths left as she tried her hardest to contain her emotions but as he tightened his grip on her, she lost it.

His embrace was so warm, so comforting and so familiar she felt safe but at the same time she was repulsed. She thought herself to be weak, being comforted by the thing that hurt her. But she stayed in his arms and cried. He stood there and soaked in her touch, fearful it would be the last time. They both clung onto each other and it wasn't until Evelyn's phone vibrated in her pocket that she pulled away.

She didn't even bother looking at the message. She just looked at the ground.

"I'm so sorry, Evy." Angus said, his hand shakily removing a stand on hair behind her ear. He was crouched down, slouched and leveling himself with her. He was making sure to show her that he wasn't a threat, that he was submitting to her and that all he wanted to do was make her happy as he intently peered at her looking for any sign of anything other than hurt. "She, it felt wrong. I hated it, I kicked her out and we passed out after, I," he stuttered, wanting to explain. There was so much he wanted to do, to say and his difficulties expressing his emotions was becoming hard for him.

"We didn't have sex, we uh." He closed his eyes, trying to think of the word. "Oral, oral. Yes oral. It was only oral, it was too hard to think straight. I hated it, she didn't feel right. She wasn't my Evy." His hands rose to his face and he pulled at his skin, frustrated at himself as he cursed himself to hell and back.

It was a relief to Evelyn that they hadn't slept together, but it still hurt all the same. Her heart still ached and her chest still felt tight and it still hurt to look at him.

"I'm going to go now, Gus." Evelyn whispered. "Please don't come around." She turned to leave but once again she was stopped. She let out a shaky breath, wanting him to just let her go.

"Do you hate me?" The vulnerable sentence was enough to shatter her heart all over again, the pain and regret in his eyes showing. She meekly shook her head no, the harsh truth going against all of her morals.

"Will, will you still stay, be with me? I'll still see you like usual?" He looked so vulnerable standing there, his eyes showing his terror of her saying no. "I can't not have you. Evy, you, you're the reason I'm here. You the reason, Gus, I like it." He stuttered, his mind so overwhelmed he couldn't think straight to make his sentences proper and understandable.

It pained Evelyn that he didn't know what happened in these situations. She just wanted to go, but Angus had no idea what was going on.

"Eventually." She whispered. It was the last she could do, the corridor felt like it was closing in on her and she shook his hand from her wrist and she turned and did the only thing she could think of.

She ran.

Angus stood there, numbness taking over his body. The tears wanted to fall and the longer he stared at the place his Evy just was, the angrier he got at himself.

How could be fuck up something so good to him? Why would he do it? Evelyn got him worked up, and she was there. He remembered Mike talking about doing this, and it was called a one night stand. He knew why Evelyn got upset, but one night stands weren't too bad, were they?

Also, that Maddie was kissing his Evy's neck last night. It was an act that he usually did, why was that okay and his not? He knew, but he was still confused and because he didn't know what to do, a tear slipped from his eye.

All he wanted was her, to shower in affection and to cherish. But he couldn't, because he fucked up.

"Fuck!" Angus yelled as he harshly slammed the door. The pounding in his head was painful and it only added to his anger. He stormed down the corridor and entered the lounge room. The lamp flew across the room, shattering on the ground, as well as an empty photo frame Evelyn insisted on buying but hadn't been filled with a picture yet. The pillows were thrown around and he was left panting. He was drained, exhausted and broken and he sat on his butt leaning against the couch.

He closed his eyes and it only marked the beginning of his eyes leaking to physically how the pain he's putting himself through thanks to his stupid decision.

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"You fucked up man." Mike said, leaning back on the couch with a bottle of water in his hand. "Granted you got some leeway because you don't know anything about relationships, but you still fucked up."

Angus stayed quiet, staring at his hands as the listened to the TV playing quietly in the background. It has only been one day since Evelyn left him, 24 hours and he was already losing his mind. What killed him was that he had a way to contact her, phone, email, text, going and seeing her, but if he contacted her, he only knew it would make matters worse.

"She just needs time to process all of this." It was all he had been hearing, she needed time, the time to think and be away from everyone and he was sick of it.

"Was the chick at least hot?" Mike asked curiously, taking a sip of his bottled water. He looked over at Angus, expecting an answer. He wasn't surprised to see his nose scrunch up in distaste but at the same time he was. Angus was a looker, surely he could have pulled someone decent looking.

"Evy is more beautiful," he muttered, instantly regretting his choice of words when Mike started laughing.

"Man, you're so fucking whipped." He said with a small smile. Angus raised an eyebrow in confusion, not getting the terminology. "You're whipped, you like her so much you'll do anything for her despite everything else and you'll just follow her around."

"So?" Angus didn't see the harm in admitting he was whipped. It just showed how much he liked her. Mike just shook his head and Angus dropped it.

"So, why'd you do it?" Mike was going to get to the bottom of this. He wanted to know what possessed Angus to sleep with another person.

"I, Evy. She just left me." Angus frowned. He remembered as she walked away from him towards the dance floor and how she had left him flustered. He had felt his groin stiffening and he just wanted her, but she looked so happy and free that he couldn't bring himself to take her away. He had sat watching her, drinking some more and any time he went a joined her on the dance floor, other people were there too. It was never just the two of them and he felt himself growing extremely jealous the whole night.

And when he saw Maddie kissing his Evy on the cheek and neck, repetitively, he didn't think that being with another person was as big of a deal as his guilt had him feeling. He wasn't aware of the rules, he didn't know what he could and couldn't do, they had never talked about it and he always acted on what he felt was right. At the time, the other girl and himself being together just once didn't seem like a bad idea. That was, until her lips had touched his.

He knew that it felt wrong. The usual butterflies and dizzy spell Evelyn usually had him under when they touched wasn't there, the persistent need to be touching her wasn't there. The addictive feeling and wanting to please her, make her know only him wasn't there. It just wasn't right and when they had passed out half way through, he was thankful they didn't go any further. He wasn't sure how to stop it and the girl seemed to be having fun, so he thought maybe there was something wrong with him.

"You have to go now." Angus said, standing up from the couch. He didn't want to talk about it anymore and he had to go see Doctor Jones. "I have to go to a lesson." He made his way to the bench, picking up his folder that had some work and book in it.

"Fuck that," Mike said. "I get you need to earn but education at, how old even are you?" Mike stopped, thinking hard about it.

"Twenty six, I think." Angus said with a shrug. He had gone through with Evelyn a while back and did the math. He lost count how old he was after his parents died when he was thirteen because he didn't know how long he was stranded for alone. They guessed thirteen years.

"Give or take a few years." Angus added. He walked behind Mike as they left the apartment. They walked in silence until they went down the stairs and stood on the street, ready to go their separate ways. Mike could see how distraught and angry Angus was, he could see how much he just wanted to go and see Evelyn to try and right his wrong.

"Cheer up man, she'll come around." He said, placing his hand on Angus shoulder. "What you did was so fucking wrong, but the girl is smitten. It won't be the same between you two for a long time and you'll need to earn her trust back big time, but you'll be fine."

Mike was almost certain about this. The infatuation they had for each other in the jungle was mind-blowing, repulsing even because of their cuteness. They were always together and helped each other with everything and Mike knew that they would work this out.

Angus smiled, but the smile didn't reach his eyes.

"Bye, Mike."

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"Angus, concentrate. Please." Doctor Jones sighed. She could tell Angus couldn't concentrate as his mind kept wondering places other than his work. It had only been twenty minutes and she was already frustrated.

"Sorry, sorry." Angus mumbled. Cutely, he blinked hard to refocus and stared at the page in front of him.

"The study of the human body consists of anatomy and phy, phi." Angus frowned, glaring at his paper. He had no clue what it said.

"Physiology." Doctor Jones helped him. Angus growled at the stupid word.

"How the fuck was I supposed to know that?" He huffed, his emotions out of whack. "That's so stupid."

"Angus, it okay. You're still learning and you've only been having sessions for three weeks." Doctor Jones tried calming him down but it wasn't working.

"I don't care, I don't need to know this anyways."

"Yes, you do Angus." She said curtly, not taking any of his nonsense. "Now keep going, Hun."

"No." He snapped, closing the book. "I'm bored of it."

"Angus, have you and Evelyn been reading the texts and papers I've told you to?" Doctor Jones questioned

"Don't talk about her." He snapped, his eyes blazing with anger. He wanted nobody outside of the people he was comfortable with talking about her. He needed to protect her as much as he could without physically being with there to make sure she didn't get even more upset then she already is.

"Angus, are you okay?" He gave her a flat look. "Angus, I'm also your therapist. Whatever you need to say, you can. I'm sworn to confidentiality. I don't like when my patients are stressed or upset. It's not good for the mind to keep everything bottled in, and its impacting your learning. You won't be able to progress with your mind elsewhere."

She turned her body and faced him, giving Angus her full attention. She waited patiently.

"She's upset with me." Angus finally said, feeling his rant forming.

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Six days. It had been six says since Angus has last seen his Evy. It was late at night, the moon high in the sky when he stumbled through his front door. A grocery bag was held in each hand as his foot loudly kicked the door closed behind him as he tried to balance everything. He tossed his keys on the bench top, the clunk sounding throughout the quiet apartment.

He hated this, coming home from his sessions every night to a cold, quiet apartment. It made him feel lonely and even more miserable and guilty for what he did.

His phone buzzed in his pocked but he ignored it. He wasn't a fan of mobile phones and he tended to not use it a lot. Angus unpacked and sorted all of his food in the fridge and cupboard, being left with just a single bag of carrots sitting on the bench. He didn't know if he should put them in the fridge or leave them on the bench.

Sighing, he left them on the table not wanting to deal with stupid carrots and flopped on the couch. His long legs expanded the whole length of the couch so one fell to the side resting on the floor. A hand flopped down on his stomach and the other fell over his eyes, visually blocking out the world. He turned the TV on in the background and decided to look and see what the text was about.

His heart raced when he saw it.

His Evy.

In a frantic rush, he raced to unlock the phone.

Hey Gus, your interview is in eight days in front of an audience. The down payment will be sent into your account when you've signed some forms and a contract. I'll drop them around sometime tomorrow.
Evy

It was formal and he hated it, but he had text her. Evelyn had contacted him in some way. He was overjoyed and as much as he wanted to call her, he knew he shouldn't. But he did anyways.

He sat on the couch, his phone to his ear as he picked nervously at the hem of his shirt. The ringing had him waiting in anticipation as he prayed to the women in the sky for her to pick up. He was desperate to hear her voice.

"Gus?" Angus heard her soft, melodic voice quietly ask. It sounded so scared, so tiny but he didn't acre. It was a relief to hear it after being shut out for days.

"Evy," he breathed. He hadn't realized how addicted he was to her until now. Just the one word made his body feel alive, it redeemed his purpose in life to protect her and make her happy. He knew he would go to all ends to get Evelyn to trust him once again and he'll be damned if he doesn't. She was the drug and he was the user. He needed her for the fix and he would never be satisfied with anyone but her.

Evelyn's heart was racing. She was so nervous she almost didn't pick up the phone. When she sent the text, she checked her phone every thirty seconds for a reply, but after fifteen minutes passed and she didn't get a response, she assumed Angus didn't really care about it.

So when she sat, her phone in her hand, staring that the screen as 'Wild man' appeared on her screen, she was in shock.

She stayed silent, she didn't know what to say. Her heart still raced, but she missed him. It killed her, knowing he went off with someone else and even the thought still killed her inside.

"I, I'll sign the papers." She heard his husky voice say. It was crushing to hear his voice, but at the same time it brang some life back into her. "You said you can bring them tomorrow?" She could hear the hope in his voice.

"Yeah, sure thing Gus." She quietly responded. She wanted to hang up but she couldn't bring herself to do it. It was silent for a moment before Angus spoke.

"How are you?" She almost wanted to laugh.

"I'm, okay." She hesitantly replied. They both knew she was lying.

"No you're not." He pointed out with a sigh. Evelyn could just imagine him sitting by himself, his hands running though his hair in frustration and she just wanted to see him. That was, until her mind pictured the blonde running her hands through and tugging on his hair. Then she didn't.

"I'm so sorry Evy, you have no idea."

But she did. Mike has told her about his meeting with Angus and she knew everything. How it didn't feel right. How he didn't know how to stop it. How he felt abandoned. How he didn't know how to say no to her.

"I know." She had to hang up, she wanted to but she couldn't bring herself to do it.

"Carrots." Angus said randomly. "I brought carrots. Where do I keep them?" This brang a small laugh from Evelyn, his lack of knowledge adorable.

"In the fridge, Gus." She spoke softly, reminding him. Evelyn heard him make a sound of realization as she reminded them where they went. Evelyn giggled slightly at that making Angus smile that he finally made her laugh. Even if it was

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