Chapter 25 - "I would like the truth."

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Not a sound stirred the silence of the library. If it weren't for the fact that Davin sat across from Gigi, she would have thought she was completely alone. The great, tall bookcases absorbed all the noise and the thick doors kept casual visitors at bay. The air was warm from the lanterns and smelled of lamp oil and book glue. It was a place Gigi felt comfortable in, though the seclusion was the main reason for her presence there.

Unable to face the Court but hating the thought of hiding away in her bedroom, she had found solace in the quiet sanctuary. Davin had barely blinked an eye when she joined him. Neither of them had spoken in the hours they had been there, letting the other be in their own world.

Muffled laughter made Gigi look to the doors, but no one entered. She went back to staring at the book before her but found the words held no meaning. They hadn't all morning. Her heart felt sore and each time she tried to not think of the previous night it never lasted. The images would cloud her mind and her heart shrunk a little more each time.

"What troubles you, Genevieve, that you have not read beyond that page?"

Gigi glanced at Davin. Calm blue eyes met hers. She dropped her gaze, afraid that her pain would be plainly seen. Davin returned to his book but didn't read. The silence between them seemed heavy with his unasked questions and her unspoken answers.

"Do you find me to be...naive?" she asked, the words hitting the page in front of her.

Davin lowered his book, studying her.

"Genevieve, how do you expect me to answer?"

"I would like the truth."

When he was silent, Gigi pulled her head up. His face was full of understanding.

"Yes," he said. "I do. But that's not a quality that I see as bad."

"How can it not be?"

"It makes you different from all the nobles here. The Court is not as it appears from the outside. It is a cruel place to live in."

Gigi shook her head at his words. "You would be surprised at the type of cruel life I lived."

Davin leaned forward, pushing aside his novel. "I do not doubt you, but there is a cruelty to this life that is hidden behind smiles."

A hundred different smiles popped into Gigi's mind. All of them had spoken of things unsaid.

"You are not like them," she said.

"Yes, but that is because I rarely smile."

Gigi found herself laughing at the truth of his statement. The only times she could remember Davin truly smiling were when he was in the presence of Everly. Now understanding, his smiles weighed more than they ever had.

"Why do you stay?" she asked.

"Where else would I go?"

"You do not have to come to the King's Festival."

A sad look slid into his eyes. "There are reasons that make it hard to stay away."

"Reasons or reason?"

He said nothing, instead, he gave her a flicker of a smile that didn't banish his sadness. Darkened by his thoughts, Davin picked up his book. Gigi let him be, not wanting to be another source of pain. Unable to bear the quiet again, she rose and moved to the door. Her hand was on the handle when Davin spoke.

"Do not let their words change you," he said. "Keep your smile."

The edge of her mouth curled at his encouragement. She pulled the door open and slipped out. The light behind the dim library took her by surprise and she paused, waiting for her eyes to adjust. The hallway was clear, but the distant murmur of voices could be heard. She walked, not sure where she was going.

As she drifted through the corridor, she inspected the portraits of former royals, wondering what truths hid behind their smiles. The sight of a Princess with dark hair and dark eyes made her pause. As she stared at the face, her heart longed for another pair of dark eyes that had never kept secrets. She thought of her mother's laughing smile and wished for something that felt like home.

She left the hallway, heading towards the only place that came close.

She was descending a set of stairs when Claudia, Lavinia, and Voila appeared before her. Their voices were woven with laughter, their eyes beaming with mischief. At the sight of Claudia, Gigi's stomach clenched. The memories of the night before barreled into her, causing her to grip the railing to remain steady.

The three girls noticed Gigi and smiled. Too caught up in her pain, she couldn't read what lay behind the looks. All she could see was friendliness but she knew she could not trust her eyes.

"Genevieve," Claudia said. "We were going to have some tea. Join us."

Gigi swallowed, scrambling to find her words again.

Lavinia gave her an odd look. "Are you all right, Genevieve?"

Gigi nodded and fixed a smile onto her face. "Your offer is gracious but I must decline. I have somewhere I must be. Excuse me."

Gathering all the strength she had left, she moved passed them. She didn't look back but knew they were watching her. When she heard the hum of their whispers, she knew she was the topic. Fighting her thoughts, she quickened her steps, wanting to avoid more interactions.

This did not happen. She was halfway to the stables when Thayer emerged from a study, his brow furrowed. When he spotted her the expression lifted then shifted to one of concern. Gigi was trapped by the look.

"Lady Genevieve," he said, halting her.

Gigi gave him a hurried curtsy, gaze lowered. "Your Highness."

He gave the surrounding area a swift glance before taking a step towards her.

"Are you all right?" he asked.

Heat burned Gigi's cheeks, despite his caring tone.

"I am fine," she said, turning away.

She took a step but his next words stopped her.

"I am sorry," he said.

"What is there for you to be sorry for?"

Thayer held her gaze then shook his head as if he didn't know. Looking at him, Gigi realized that he was one of the exceptions. The few times she had seen his smile it had been away from Court. For some reason, this helped soften the pain of her witnessed humiliation.

"Thank you, Your Highness."

Thayer nodded. "Did you truly care for him?"

The question brought Gigi up short. Thinking over the hours spent with Raif and the waves of emotions she went through with him, she tried to define the depth they had reached. But the longer she searched the more she found it only to be a shallow pool of disappointment.

"It does not matter now," she said. "Good day, Your Highness."

She walked away, Thayer's words following her. "Good day...Genevieve."

***********

The stables wrapped Gigi in a sense of home that made her want to cry. The smell brought fond memories to the forefront, dimming the painful ones that had been eating away at her. Stable hands moved to and fro, carrying buckets of feed, saddles, and bales of hay. The sight of it all made Gigi think of Huck and her father. Outside light streamed in and highlighted the motes of dust that lingered in the air.

Gigi soaked it all in, letting it soothe her cracked heart. Avoiding the men, she made her way to Fire's stable. The mare lifted its head at the sound of her footsteps. When Gigi slipped inside, the warm nose greeted her. Gigi rested her forehead against the horse, the short hair tickling her skin.

"What am I doing here?" she asked in Eldin.

The mare shook its head in answer. Gigi laughed, feeling her heart lighten. Grabbing a brush, she ran it along Fire's coat, mumbling soothing Eldin phrases. The words were as much for the horse as herself. As her tongue played with the familiar sounds, her pain eased. The din of the stable faded and she felt herself back where she wished to be.

"It is not often one finds a lady among the horses," a deep voice said.

The sound startled Gigi and made her heart ache. She forced herself to continue brushing, not wanting Raif to see the effect he had.

"No, I imagine one does not," she said, the words weak, despite her resolve to sound uncaring.

Raif leaned on the door, a curve to his lips.

"What brings you to the stables today, vagabond girl?" he asked.

Gigi focused on Fire, willing her hand to remain steady. There was no lie in his words, but neither was there deep affection. He spoke as he always had. Only now she could clearly see the lie she had told herself.

"It is peaceful in here," she said, still not able to face him. "What brings you here? Are you leaving again?"

She paused, waiting.

"I have someone I am meeting in the city, but I will be back for tonight's ball. If I am late, I will steal a dance away from your boring suitors."

Swallowing, Gigi remembered all too clearly the way it felt to dance in his arms. The strength that made her feel weightless. The smile he wore as he looked at her.

She clenched the brush, trying to banish the thoughts.

"What kind of lady would refuse such a thing," she said.

"One who is truly not a lady but a vagabond."

Gigi turned around. A mischievous grin was waiting for her. The look hurt far more than his words the night before. He stepped back and bowed.

"I look forward to tonight," he said.

Gigi could only nod, afraid that if she spoke he would hear the pain in her heart. He walked away and she listened to the retreating tapping of his boots. She turned back to the mare who stared at her with melted chocolate eyes. Gigi's gaze went unfocused as thoughts of facing Raif again in front of hundreds of critical eyes crowded her mind. The horse nuzzled her hand. She buried her face in its neck.

"I can't do it," she whispered.

**********************************************************************

How doest thee?

So I have to ask this: how are you feeling? (About the book or life in general)

It's a bit of a crazy world, Davin loves Everly but can't have her. Thayer clearly is dealing with feelings over Gigi. Gigi liked Raif but is realizing maybe it wasn't as strong as she thought. And well Raif is Raif and that could be a good or bad thing.

How do you feel about Raif now? Technically, he was always just being himself. Are we still pissed at him and planning his murder?

Understandable if we are. Gosh it's always a little sad when you have to watch a character you love die by the hands of your readers. *sighs* I guess it can't be helped.

Now, I have a question for you. What is something that someone would never assume about you but is true?

Mine might surprise you. I love Pilates! One of the favorite things about it is I get to do it in my room and don't have to go to a gym. I'm lazy when it comes to working out and this is the solution. I watch the videos of this Pilates instructor on Youtube called Blogilates! She's so smiley and cheery! Though it is annoying how she talks through a routine while I'm half dying as I go through it. Still there's something so amazing about pushing yourself to keep going and finding you have the strength to do it!

Come on girl, you can do it, you got this! (That's pretty much her motivation and my way of saying vote, comment, follow!)

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