His car smells like him. It's almost overwhelming and it takes me back years ago to when we used to hang out.

When he drives, his leaves one hand on the gear stick and the other looped carelessly over the steering wheel, as if he barely has the energy to hold onto it.

His window is down and the cold night air is spilling through between us. I wipe my palms on my jeans despite this. The nerves are all-consuming.

"So," I say awkwardly. "Did you have fun last night?"

He flicks his eyes to me, the corner of his mouth twitching. "Yeah. You?"

We both feel the unsaid part of my sentence – the part about us. "Yeah."

He's so close. It's not far to reach and touch him. My finger twitches. I prop my foot onto the door and look out the window.

The drive is short. We pull up at a secluded beach that only the locals know about. Wordlessly, he exits the car and moves to lean on the hood of the car. I do the same. The wind slaps my cheeks and I fold my arms over my chest to protect myself from the cold.

"Dad brought me here once," Jake says quietly.

I look over to him.

"It was a drug deal. He brought me along to give it to the guy. I don't know why. Maybe it was supposed to look less suss a kid being involved."

I press my lips together. I don't know what to say.

"I was being stupid. I dropped a bag. Because I had been playing with it, the seal was open. Cocaine went all onto the ground. He was so angry."

Jake rolls up his sleeve. The dim light of a nearby street lamp reveals three rough scars, looking like the shape of cigarette burns.

"He burnt me and then left me here. I had to walk home."

I don't realise my hand is covering my mouth until I feel my own warm breath hit my lips.

"Did Haze know?" I whisper.

He shakes his head. "I never told him. He would have killed AJ."

I squeeze my eyes shut and hang my head.

"I've... never told anyone."

My eyes lift to meet his. Jake moves his hand. Our fingers brush. I swallow and look down at them.

"Is it okay if we just sit here for a while?" Jake asks, his voice low.

"Sure."

Holding my breath, I throw an arm around his shoulders. He tenses at first and I think to myself great, I blew it, before he leans his head onto me. He's warm and smells good. I close my eyes and let myself indulge in this moment.

"Tell anyone about this and I'll kick your ass," he mutters.

I roll my eyes. And there's the Jake I know.

***

We stayed at the beach until about ten. We spent most of it talking. Some parts in silence, holding each other. I don't know which I prefer.

When he pulls up at the end of my driveway, he looks out the window.

Mum isn't home yet, which means the night must be going well.

"Do you want to come in?" I ask.

"Come in?"

"And stay?"

Our eye contact is almost too intense. He finally breaks away, to glance at the house, before back at me.

"You want me to stay?"

I shrug. "Yeah."

He looks at the time.

"Unless you have somewhere better to be," I say, before opening the door and getting out.

I begin to walk to the front door, when I see him reverse. I hold my breath as he pulls to the kerb and shuts the engine. I wait at the front door for him.

As we walk up the stairs, Jake's eyes are wide as he peers around.

"Your house is a bit much."

He sounds so much like his brother sometimes.

I shrug. "It's been in the family for a long time."

When we get to my room, I peel my shirt off and toss it towards my desk. I feel Jake's eyes on me. I feel an odd sense of power rush me. Do I have the upper hand here?

"You can crash wherever," I yawn, before falling into bed.

I hear him remove his shoes. The next thing is the drop of material on the floor. I try to seem nonchalant when he slides into bed beside me.

I lose my composure when his bare arm brushes mine.

Oh mercy.

"Hey," he says.

"Hey," I say back.

His finger lightly touches my arm and I close my eyes, gritting my teeth.

His hand moves up to my chest and skims across my collarbone. It settles onto my cheek, lightly turning my head to face his direction. I feel his breath. My heart bangs inside my chest so roughly it hurts.

"I'm going to kiss you," he whispers.

"Do it, then," I say.

And he does.

His lips are warm, his tongue is hot and my insides are exploding. I kiss him back. It's not gentle at all. It's passionate and rough and holy shit it feels good when he pulls my hair. I push him onto his back and half lean onto him. He lets me be dominant for 0.2 seconds, before he flattens me onto my back. He keeps a hand to my cheek as he kisses roughly down the side of my face.

It feels so good.

My phone dings and I glance at it. Jake reaches for it, still kissing down my chest.

"Alice asks if you're awake," Jake says, his teeth scraping against my stomach. "Shall I test if you're awake?"

He goes lower and the sound that escapes me is somewhat embarrassing. I grip the sheets.

"Holy fuck I'm awake," I gasp.

I feel Jake grin. "Thought so."

***

I've decided seeing Jake sprawled in a tangle of my sheets, with his hair rough, his face peaceful and the morning light cast across his skin is the best thing I've ever seen. I've been staring at him for about ten minutes now.

"Stop staring, creep," he mumbles.

"But you're so cute," I tease.

"Fuck off," he grumbles, burying his face into his pillow. "I'll kick your ass."

"Like to see you try," I can't help but smile.

"I will," he retorts sleepily.

"Oh yeah?" I lean over and slap his butt.

"Watch yourself pretty boy, I could rearrange that face of yours."

"You wouldn't," I roll my eyes. "I'm going to go eat. Coming?"

"No," he says gruffly. "I need, like, ten more hours sleep."

"Suit yourself."

When I get up, I cringe, staring down at the sheets. Guess I'll be doing my washing before mum does this week.

I throw on a shirt and wander downstairs. I can smell food coming from the kitchen.

"Hey," I greet mum. "Smells good."

"Good morning," she sings, looking cheery. "Who's here?"

"Uh, Haze's brother. You remember Jake?"

"Oh, yeah," she seems surprised. "I didn't realise you were friends. Didn't he used to give you a hard time?"

"That was a long time ago," I reply.

"He didn't want to sleep in the guest room?" mum questions, arching an eyebrow.

I shrug. "Guess not."

"Where did he sleep?" her tone is weird.

I take a seat. "In my room."

"Where in your room?"

I give her a weird look. "On the floor."

She gives me a look back. "Did he really?"

We stare at each other. My heart beat thuds in my ears.

"How long have you known?" I ask.

"That you're gay?" she asks casually, flipping the bacon. "Only about forever."

My mouth feels dry. "I was going to tell you."

"It's okay," she says gently with a kind smile. "I know."

"I didn't plan for Jake to be here last night. It just kind of happened."

"It's okay. I would have preferred to have known but I trust you. You're a smart boy."

I nod. "Thank you."

"And besides, I don't have to worry about you getting pregnant or whatever."

I choke on my own spit. Heat floods to my cheeks.

"Oh my God, Ma. I can't believe you just said that."

"What, it's true," she laughs.

I cringe. "I can't even. And we didn't, FYI."

She roughly shakes her head. "Don't want to know and I don't know what 'FYI' means."

My eyes are glued to the bench for a solid thirty seconds as I try to gather myself. Did not expect this morning to go like this, if I'm honest.

I lift my gaze and watch her shuffle the bacon around. "How was your night?"

"Really good," she smiles. "I'm seeing him again tonight."

"Twice in a row, hey?" I raise my eyebrows. "Does this mean I get to meet this one?"

She looks nervous. "Yes. I think so."

"I'm sure he's great," I say.

Mum is just placing food onto the plates when Jake appears. His hair is messy, his eyes droopy and he looks fucking adorable.

"Hi Jake," mum smiles.

He looks super uncomfortable. "Hey."

"Hope you're hungry," she says, sliding the plate over to him. She looks at me. "I'm going to go eat in the lounge room, if you don't mind."

She never eats in the lounge room. In fact, eating together is something very important to her. But she must feel weird or think we want to be alone.

"Sure," I reply.

She gives me a transparent, cheeky smile before leaving. I shake my head and gather a spoonful. I reach for Jake's hand and touch it lightly. He yanks it from me like I burnt him. I feel disappointment sink in my stomach before he puts it back.

"Sorry. Habit."

He slides his fingers through mine and looks up.

Well. This is new.

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