This is a sad chapter but can you hate me tomoz bc it's my bday today n let's have happy vibes up in here xoxo

I don't think the timing of all this could possibly have been any worse.

Rhett jerks back and scrambles to his feet at an alarmingly quick rate. He's smart enough to know how deadly Jake's reaction could be right now.

Instead, Jake stands there, his hands in his pockets as he stares at us.

"You aware that we're together?" he asks in a voice that's eerily calm.

Rhett looks panicked as he blinks back, his lips parted, his eyes darting back from Jake to me.

"Er – yes."

Jake nods, rolling his tongue across his teeth. "You know I could put you in hospital, right? Without even breaking a sweat?"

He gulps, looking extremely uncomfortable.

"Yes."

Jake slowly withdraws his hands and one by one, begins to crack his knuckles. There's a distinct pop sound as he does each one, never breaking eye-contact with Rhett, who is now visibly trembling.

"I'm trying this thing where I don't beat the shit out of everyone that pisses me off so I suggest you go," he says, inclining his head.

Rhett exhales a breath of shock as he looks to me.

"I'd take it if I was you," I say when he doesn't move.

He nods before quickly darting by Jake, clearly a little hesitant to get too close in case this is a set up of some sort. I'm half-thinking that myself.

"This yours?" Jake asks him, leaning down and scooping up the now-empty basket.

"Yes."

"Here you go." Rhett's fingers have barely scraped the handle, before Jake flings it back and stamps his foot straight through it. The wood splinters, flying in pieces around his foot. Rhett's mouth drops open. "What?" Jake smiles, a slow, sadistic smile that has my blood running cold. "You don't like people touching your stuff? Something that's yours?"

Rhett backs up, raising his hands. He doesn't even look to me again as he turns and basically sprints from my yard. I raise my eyebrows.

"Wow, I'm impressed. No blood, no punches?"

When Jake turns to face me, my stomach does that uncomfortable-swoop thing. I can't describe the expression on his face but it's one I never want to see on him again.

"Every time I turn my back, is this going to happen?" he asks me. "Every time you're annoyed at me, do I need to worry that he's going to call you, come around here, kiss you?"

"I haven't been talking to him. He showed up unannounced."

"What would you do right now, if this was me? If I was caught kissing another guy?" his voice cracks at that last word and I feel my heart crumble.

"J," I whisper. "I pushed him away."

"I know, but it doesn't change the fact that it happened. You know how he feels and yet you still lead him on. Are you keeping him around as a back-up?" He runs his hand through his hair and wipes at his eye with the other one. My heart skips a beat in my chest. "Do you like the attention? What is it?"

"Nothing, it's nothing," I plead with him, walking close to him, so close that I can feel his breath. My cheeks are wet. I grip his hands in mine but they feel lifeless. He's not holding me back. "I'll never see him again, if that's what you want."

Jake stares blankly down at our hands and the look pierces right through me. I feel it in every nerve of my body and it kills me.

"This isn't working."

"What?" I squawk.

"I keep trying and trying with you and you're never happy. I'm sorry that I'm not as ready as you are. I'm sorry I don't want to scream it off the rooftop of the school building."

"J," my eyes burn and my lower lip trembles.

"Do you think you're getting annoyed with all of this because you don't want to face it alone? You're using me as a way to make this whole process easier for you?" he asks and I recognise Dr Martin's words laced with his. They must have been talking about this the day he wasn't at school.

"J, please, no. Forget everything I've said. I'm happy to wait. I don't care if no one knows, that doesn't matter if I'm going to lose you."

"You should have thought about that," he sighs, pulling his hands sharply from mine. "Letting yourself get in that situation with Rhett, after everything that's happened with us recently... I'm never going to forget this."

I can't breathe. I'm gasping at air. The yard around me is spinning. This has to be some sort of awful nightmare that I'm stuck inside of.

"Nothing I do is ever good enough for you," he says sadly, hanging his head.

"J."

I'm sobbing. Blurry-eyed, unable to breath sobbing.

I reach for him and he steps back, shaking his head.

"Think we need to call it," he mutters. "Sorry."

"I love you," I bellow after him and don't give one single care in the world if anyone else hears it. "You can't walk away from this. From me."

He looks back to me, all emotion wiped from his face, his eyes a blank mirror.

"Yeah, I can."

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Oh my God I'm bawling. I can't. I had to stop here. Literally can't write anymore.