21.

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Callum's POV:

Jake walks toward her and I stumble after him, his words spinning around in my mind. After we cross the grass, we stop a few metres from her. She hasn't moved. I can see, now that I'm closer, she looks a lot like the boys. She has beautiful eyes, the nice skin, the defined jawline. She is stunning, in a way that makes you want to stare at her for longer than you should.

"Debra," he states.

"Jake," she says.

"Are you stalking me?" he questions.

"It's not like I have a number to call you."

"Kind of lost that right when you walked out on us and left us with an abusive alcoholic."

I feel incredibly awkward at this point. I take an involuntary step back as if that would help make me disappear.

"Good to see you're not angry, then," she smiles weakly. "I've tried to track down your brother but had no luck."

"How did you find me?"

"I saw a tagged post on Facebook, from Callum. Turns out his mother and I were in a Facebook Book Club together."

Oh. Great. Jake casts a glance at me and I give him an apologetic smile. Damn internet and damn social media.

Jake scoffs. "You. In a book club."

She frowns but doesn't comment.

"Okay. And? What do you want?" he asks.

"Is it a crime to want to see my sons?"

"No," he shakes his head. "Leaving them with a psycho is."

She exhales. "I don't think anything I say will ever make it right."

"Probably not but you haven't actually apologised or explained yourself, either."

"I'd like to. I was hoping we could do dinner."

"Dinner?" he deadpans.

"Yeah. You, your brother," she pauses for a moment, to look at me. "And Callum and Ellie."

A shiver, once again, runs down my spine. She must have looked everyone up.

I must say, Jake's holding himself remarkably well. You cannot tell what he is thinking or how he is feeling. He shrugs.

"When?"

"Tomorrow night?"

"Where?"

"There's a new Italian restaurant in the main street. We could meet there at six?" she suggests, twisting her fingers together, a habit that I know Jake has, also.

"I guess."

"See you then," she nods and smiles at me.

She walks away and we both stand in shocked silence for several moments.

"Did that actually just happen?" I mutter.

"What. The. Fuck."

"Are you okay?" I turn to Jake, placing a hand on his arm.

"I don't know. I haven't heard from her in years. Why now?"

"I have no idea. We can tell the others tonight. See what they think."

"Mm," he mumbles, deep in thought.

We get back to where we were sitting and I clean up the mess we caused.

"I have to get back to work." I can feel the pullback. The way he's standing, the way he just spoke, it was all too familiar. Exactly how he was when he couldn't commit to me. I try not to let it get to me.

"Okay. I'll see you tonight."

He begins to walk away and that's the second sign that he is definitely not okay. He never leaves me without kissing me.

"Do you want this?" I ask him, holding up my half of the food. "You didn't get to finish."

"No," he says, not looking back "I've lost my appetite."


***


We're gathered in the living room of Haze and Jake's share-house. We've finished retelling the events of the last two days and now there's a silence settling in around the table as everyone processes the latest news.

"Debra?" Haze blinks at us. "As in, our mother?"

"The one and only."

"Jesus Christ."

Ellie tenderly touches Haze's arm and he seems to relax a little. I sigh, wishing I could reach out and do the same for Jake. He's so withdrawn from everything he's become in the last few months. I sit beside him, resigned, feeling gloomy and helpless all at once.

"I don't know what to think of all this," Haze admits, looking tired. He rubs a hand over his face.

"Agreed," Jake sighs.

"It might be worth listening to what she has to say," Ellie inputs cautiously.

"Part of me says why not, what have we got to lose?" Haze says. "But another, the angrier part, says she's dead to me and I don't give a shit what she says."

"I second that," chimes Jake.

"What do you think?"

It takes me a moment to realise that Haze's question is directed at me.

"If it were me, I'd go to dinner. It would play on my mind wondering what she wants. If it's a disaster, then that's it. No more contact with her."

Ellie nods in agreement. "I think I would do the same. But it's completely up to you boys and what you think is best."

"My head hurts," Jake complains.

"Let's sleep on it and figure out what we want to do tomorrow," Haze sighs.

"Sounds like a plan."

Ellie touches Jake's shoulder before she and Haze drift off towards his room. I lean against the table.

"Do you want me to stay?"

"Of course."

I nod and follow him into his room. I grab his hand and pull him to me.

"You don't have to do this alone. You have me and you have the others," I say gently. "It's okay to be angry or confused or sad. Whatever you're feeling. It's okay to talk about it or not to talk about it. Whatever you want."

Finally. There it is. The crack.

He draws in a shaky breath and I yank him towards me and engulf my arms around him. He sobs into my shoulder. He grips me tightly, twisting his fingers into the fabric of my shirt.

"I'm scared," he whispers. "I'm scared to know her."

I cup my hand around the back of his head firmly, holding him to me. I kiss his temple and leave my lips on his skin.

"That's okay. We don't have to do this."

His tears soak my shirt and I feel it stick to my skin. I move my other hand to rub his back soothingly.

"I want to go see dad."

"Okay," I whisper. "We can do that."

"I miss him," he chokes. "It's so fucked up."

"It's not. He's your dad. Of course you miss him."

"But he was so terrible to us."

"He's your dad, no matter what."

"My head hurts. I can't think straight," he says thickly, wiping at his eyes as he steps back. "I don't know what to do."

"We don't have to do anything right now," I tell him. "Why don't you go have a warm shower and I'll make us some hot chocolates."

"That sounds nice."

"Then we can hop into bed and watch a movie. One that'll make us laugh," I smile.

"Okay."

I touch my hand to his face. "You're the strongest person I know, J. You're going to be fine, no matter what you decide."

He doesn't say anything but it's in his eyes. His gratitude. He leans forward and we share a salty, tear-stained kiss.

"I don't know what I would do if I didn't have you," he whispers.

"But you do. And you're never going to lose me."


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