Chapter Three ☽︎ Fake Euphoria

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"All families have their secrets, most people would never know them, but they know there are spaces, gaps where the answers should be, where someone should have sat, where someone used to be. A name that is never uttered, or uttered just once and never again. We all have our secrets."
-- Unknown

K I M B E R L Y

EVERYONE HAS MOMENTS when they wake up early in the morning, and they just want to stare into space, and think about nothing. To embrace that lucid feeling of just waking up, a moment of intense gratefulness, that you are safe and at home with your family.

In my case, I dread every morning. If I could choose to sleep forever, I would. But I can't do that. Because I am Kimberly Summers, daughter of Former Hockey Player and Multi - Award Winning Actress, Hank and Claire Summers. So as my mother will say, I have a duty to represent my family, in every movie, every series, every fucking interview, even if the host is a sexist.

I sigh as I turn to look at my celebrity boyfriend, Tony, who I've dated for almost a year now. He stirs in his sleep, and I take that as my cue to leave.

"Come back to bed baby," Tony groans into my ear as I attempt to get out of bed.

"I need to shower," I answer, literally struggling to get out of his grip.

"Let's shower together," he groans again. His eyes flutter open, and for a split second, I expect to see a pair of grey eyes, but then I see a pair of brown. I swallow my disappointment as I stare into them, hoping to see more, but I don't, I just see a distorted version of myself.

"I need a little privacy, Tony," I say, my voice coming out harder than I intended. His jaw hardens and he lets go of me. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean for it to come out that way," I apologize immediately, another part of me silently asking myself why I just did that.

"I'll go to the bathroom," I say, getting my phone and walking away.

My phone beeps as I shut the bathroom door. I glance at my screen to find a text from Liz. A picture of baby Junior and a text underneath it.

Liz♡ - when are we going to see you again?

I smile at the text, typing a reply,

Me - Hopefully soon, I've got a lot, you know how Mom is.....

Liz♡ - Hope you get out of her grip soon.

A pained smile tugs my lips as I read the text. Liz was the child of our former nanny where Jason and I were really little. I remember being a child and all of a sudden I didn't see our nanny again. And then a few years passed, and Dad showed up with a really cute little girl, saying he had adopted her. I remember hearing my parents yelling at each other that night, something about their status in the entertainment world and all that. Even though Mom will never admit it, there were times I saw that she cared about Liz, but all that care was shadowed by anger.

Liz is now the CEO of a beauty brand, married to the NHL's highest paid Captain, and the mother of a beautiful baby boy. She broke free.

I lay my phone on the sink, and I get into the tub for a warm bath. When I'm back to my bedroom, I see Tony with a grin on his face.

"Your mother's waiting for you downstairs," He says, and then he walks to me, kisses my forehead before he heads in the direction of the bathroom.

I quickly take off my bathrobe, tossing a royal blue dress on as I head downstairs to see my mother.

I meet an empty living room and a hockey game repeat playing on the huge TV. I've always been a fan of hockey, until I was banned from watching by my mother. I might be almost twenty seven, but she still finds new ways to control my life, and I seem to let her.

"Ace, number thirty-four, how do you think he's been playing this season?"

Two men I suit suddenly appear on the screen and my heart thunders.

Ace

Hudson

"Hockey facility, eight thirty pm, see you there, princess."

"From his stats this month, he's been playing a little bit, off, like he's lacking concentration, or totally out of it." The first man says and then game appears on the screen.

Hudson.

His hair looks longer, even the helmet can't hide it. He looks huge as ever, skating around the rink with his hockey stick and Adonis aura. The way he always does. Suddenly, I'm reminded of the last time I saw him, and the way he made me leave.

It was a party for the new Krakens, and Liz invited me. After meeting Liz's friends, I spotted him going upstairs, and I followed him. Things didn't go well, his gaze shifted from shock to anger, and I didn't understand.

"You're living the better life you deserve, and I'm not going to waltz back into your life and ruin it for you, so leave, go home,"

I stood there, watching my eyes betray me as tears pooled at their lids, and then I walked away, my persistent heart still beating for him.

The TV suddenly turns off, and then I'm aware of my mother's presence.

"He's not good for our family status, or for you, so be sure to remember that every time you moon-dream about him," she snaps as I turn to face her.

"Are you ever going to visit the Wests?" I ask and she glares at me.

"Junior has a right to know who his grandparents are, and you are still his grandmom, no matter how you try to spin it," I say as Dad enters the living room, avoiding my gaze.

"He's not my grandson, and Liz is an ungrateful wrench," Mom snaps and Dad finally meets my gaze.

"What about you, Dad, he's not your grandson too?" I raise a brow, my voice slightly quivering. Dad, however, chooses now as the best time to remain silent.

"We moved to Los Angeles to be away from her, so I don't see why we should be going back," Mom says.

"I'm guessing you have a reason for not attending her wedding too, right?" I hear Jason behind me and I cross my arms. Jason and I attended the epic hockey wedding, as the media so described it, and I could see the look of disappointment when she didn't see Dad. I also know she wasn't expecting to see Mom.

"What is this? an Elizabeth defense court?" Mom stands to her feet. "we are supposed to be discussing your next project," she turns to Jason, "and you, go find something to make yourself useful,"

Jason shakes his head in annoyance, silently asking if I'm okay before he leaves. Dad sighs for a moment, and then he rises to his feet and leaves.

I'm now left with Mom as she begins to talk about my next project and interview.

Tony comes downstairs later and Mom gushes over him. It gets so much that I sometimes think she should date him instead. Tony is a British guy who owns an underwear brand. The media knows him as Anthony Hawkins, but we call him Tony, because it's a lot less complicated.

This is going to be the longest morning of my life.

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I'm heading to a small cafe hidden in the small parts of Los Angeles. I'm going to meet up with my somewhat best friend, Samantha. We met at a huge party a year ago, where we became tequila besties and now real besties.

I spot Sam as the car comes to a halt and the driver opens the locks. She sits at a table alone, focused on her phone, her light blonde hair dangling at the corners of her face.

We always meet up here, mostly because it's easier for me, and the paparazzi probably think this place is too cramped for me to visit. They're so damn wrong. I love this place. It's so quiet and serene, with it's fine wooden chairs and tables and an open atmosphere. The people here smile a lot and are so welcoming.

Sam raises her head as I walk in the direction of our table, a warm smile spreading across her face as I get closer.

"I'm glad you were able to get away from her," she says as we pull each other into a hug, and she's referring to my control freak mother.

"I miss you," I sigh as we take our seats. Sam orders ice water for us, and I smile at the waiter who got a couple of selfies from me the last time I was here.

"I know, I was at Seattle, I just flew in last night," she says.

"Seattle? Why?" I ask.

"Liz was hosting a little get together for our small group of friends and family,"

"Shame, I wasn't invited," I sigh, because I know that even if I was, I wouldn't have made it, so Liz probably saved herself another letdown in my long list of disappointments.

"Shit, I'm sorry, I should've told you," she frowns.

"No, no, it's fine," I smile. "Did you happen to see Hudson Ace at the party?" I ask.

"Yes, yes, he's part of their group, he was there, you should have seen him with Baby Junior," she purrs. "Why do hockey players always look hot with babies?"

"I want to make so many babies with you, Kimmie,"

"Yeah they do," I sigh, shaking off the intense memory nipping at my senses.

"How's Tony doing?" She asks.

"He's okay, just being Tony," I fake a smile but Sam's too quick to notice.

"Kim, is everything okay? I might be a bitch but you can talk to me," She places her palm over mine.

"Everything's fine Sammie, you don't have to worry about me," I assure her and she lets it go.

"Okay, I'm letting it go, but I'm going to say this again, if you don't like a relationship, you get out of it," she pins me with a stare, "You get out of it, you're Kimberly freaking Summers, everyone wants to date you,"

Everyone but him.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm a celebrity," I mumble and she frowns.

"I'm here for you okay, Liz too, she keeps asking how you're doing because she knows you're just gonna tell her that everything is okay," She sighs.

"I have a meeting with Dr. Harley this evening, I'm sure I'll be fine after that," I mutter.

"And if you're not?" Sam raises a brow.

"Then I have you," I smile and she chuckles.

"Say hi to Dr. Harley's wife for me then,"

"Dr. Harley has a wife?"

"Are you kidding me? You're the celebrity here and you don't know anything about her?"

"Okay Sam, I got you," I stand to my feet. "see you later,"

"Yeah yeah," she beams at me.

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"Dr. Harley please," I tell the first nurse I see as I walk into the hospital with my black shades on.

"Do you have an appointment?" She asks, her eyes scanning the men in suit behind me.

"Yes I do," I answer, "She's expecting me,"

"Okay, please give me a minute," she says and I nod.

"You guys can go outside, I'm fine, no one's mobbing me or taking pictures," I tell the men in suit behind me.

"We are under orders not to leave you alone ma'am," the first man says.

"Whose orders?"

"Ma'am Claire Summers,"

Even when she's not with me I still have to deal with her robots.

"So you're going to follow me into the doctor's today office?" I cock my head to the side.

"If it gets to that, then yes," the second man says.

"Dr. Harley is waiting for you," the nurse from earlier says behind me.

"Thank you," I give her a smile as I walk in the direction of the elevator. I'm half expecting my bodyguards to follow me, but when they don't, I smile to myself as I jam the elevator doors closed.

When the doors open again, I find myself in a familiar hallway as I make my way to Dr. Harley's office. I knock at the door once and I hear her footsteps. Dr. Harley and I have been doing this since late last year, and honestly I don't know if it's helping, I just know it feels better when I let go of everything on my chest and leave it at her table to dissect.

"Kimberly, Hi, it's so nice of you to make time for this," she says as she pulls me into a warm hug.

"Yeah, I need this," I smile as she gestures for to sit on the huge couch away from her desk.

"Do you need me to get you anything, coffee, tea--"

"No it's okay Doc, I'm all good," I say and she sits on the couch directly opposite me.

"What do you want to talk about?" She asks in that warm voice of hers, that's is so annoying yet easy to understand, and friendly to talk to.

"I thought you're supposed to ask me questions,"

"I can only ask questions based on what you tell me, my job is you help you, and not to pry,"

"Right," I smile to myself. "So back to your question, I want to talk about pain," I say, looking away from her, mostly because it's easier to feel like I'm alone. She gives me a listening look so I continue.

"Pain. I've felt all kinds of it. The physical, the psychological and the emotional. Don't ask me which one hurts the most, because I can't tell you. They are all different kinds of pain, they all hurt in their own unique ways, and most of them can't be healed, you just keep feeling them over and over again," I sigh. "There was a time I thought I could be free, there was a time I thought I could do what I wanted, there was a time I thought I could have my own dreams, my own achievements,

"But you know what they say about those living in El Dorado, the sweet feeling never lasts, something, someone can just take everything away from you, and then that's it," I bow my head. "I thought I could do it, but the truth is that lately, all I've been doing, is running,"

"Running from what?" Dr. Harley asks.

"From me, from who I really am, and I can't seem to stop, it's like a plane on autopilot, it's like I'm programmed and I can't seem to break out of that code,"

I watch as she takes in a deep breath before she speaks. "Are we talking about something or someone?"

"I don't know," I mutter, more to myself than her.

"The last time you spoke about Tony being-- what's that word you used? Infuriating?"

"I feel like a lifeless body in that relationship,"

"When was the last time you guys had sex?"

"Last year," I answer, more honest than I intended, "I wasn't even feeling it," I mumble. "Everyone's watching my every movement, waiting for me to slip up and mess something up, and that includes my mother,"

"I feel like a ticking time bomb that everyone's watching, waiting for it to just explode,"

"And will you, explode I mean?"

"I don't know," I answer, my lips quivering. "I feel like a fake, like this isn't who I'm supposed to be," I say, my eyes watering.

"And who are you supposed to be?"

A U T H O R ' S N O T E

hey guys!

Thank you so so much for 4K reads and 400 votes!

Also thank you guys so much for 4K followers on here and 3K followers on Instagram!

Some of you have been asking who Sam is...... Sam is the puck bunny from ALLT, who later became friends with Liz and the guys, Genevieve is the girl that almost ruined things for Nick and Bri in AHLT. I didn't want to just throw them away, so I decided to bring their characters to life in this book!

I see all your comments and I appreciate them and I love you guys so much!

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Xoxo, M.


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