Chapter Thirty-Two ☽︎ Let It All Go

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MY HEART BEATS fiercely out of my chest. I just gave myself away. I was going to wait until the party was over but seeing her in that red dress stripped me of all my reason and logical thinking. It's been a month and a week tops, and my skin crawls whenever I wake up and she's not beside me. I've been back a few weeks and I've been prepping for the new season with the team. It's been a productive week, and this whole party was Liz's idea. And so far, it's been fucking great. I can see that Kim has really gotten through to Alex and honestly, that makes me happy, in a way.

I'm staring into her glassy eyes and wordless lips when T's awfully deep voice blasts around Aaron's super enormous backyard.

"Okay, okay, back it up guys," He jokes and a collective sound of groans and laughter fill the place. "Alex wants to sing his number and leave," There's a tiny bit of a sad note to his voice. My eyes scan for Jodie and I find her, next to Brittany, watching Alex with curious eyes as he sits on the piano seat and faces everyone.

"And as weird as this looks, we are all going to pretend to enjoy this," He jokes and Alex faces him, a small grin playing on his face. It surprises the hell out of T that he laughs a little, before letting Alex do his thing. Kim looks to me for an explanation, surprise in her eyes and a grin tugging at the corners of her lips. She looks back to Alex, who's eyes linger on the keyboard and then back to us.

"It's a duet," His deep baritone fills the backyard and I mentally stop myself from looking at Jodie. "Jo?" He says and everyone goes quiet. "Please?"

Jo nods quietly, walking towards the piano and grabbing a mic from T. We all watch quietly as she adjusts the mic stand until it's as tall as Alex's body framework, and then she moves to sit opposite him.

"Happy Birthday, Kimberly," Alex says, his eyes lingering on Kimmie and I for a moment, before retreating to Jo. He plays the first few notes of the song and everyone aw's, already eager to sing along to the chorus.

Let It All Go - Birdy & Rhodes

Jodie sings the first lines, and then moves to the pre-chorus. And then at the chorus, we all find ourselves singing, myself included as Kimmie looks around us, wiping a little tear off her left eye.

But if we're strong enough,
To let it in
In, in, in
In, in, in

We're strong enough,

To let it go
Oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh

Let it all go, let it all go
Let it all out now………

Alex sings the second verse of the song, and everyone stares in awe. And I mean everyone. Dude's been super quiet for almost four years and the first time he finally says a couple of words it's a song? We've all got a lot of questions to ask, but knowing Alex, he's definitely not going to answer everyone. That also doesn't stop us from noticing the very obvious electricity between Jodie and him, and how they always stop to look at each other as the song goes on. We all sing the chorus again, this time Kimmie sings along, entwining her fingers with mine and looking up at me. We're all a cluster of voices, totally out of place, but only Alex is the real singer here, and let's not forget that he's also a pianist. Like I said, so many questions.

When the song is finally over, Kim blurts, tears in her voice, "I have no idea how I fell in love with all of you, I love you guys,"

Echoes and sounds of aw's and 'we love you too' fill the place and I walk backwards, leaving Kim with all the girls as I walk towards Coach who carries Aaron Junior in his arms.

"So, did you miss us?" He asks and Junior babbles something I don't understand. Kids.

"Of course I missed you guys, I mean, acting is not so bad but I still missed you guys, I also avoided all your games because I couldn't handle feeling left out," I answer and he snorts.

"Yeah, yeah, we lost the cup this time," He says, his eyes focused on Junior who grabs his face. Kid's getting well acquainted with everyone in a small circle. "But at least you got to spend time with her, right?" He asks and of course I know who he's talking about.

"Yeah, I found out she miscarried our baby and she didn't know about her until she did," I tell him, my heart ripping itself into shreds as I remember our confessions at the Sala Piccola.

"That must have hurt really bad," He sighs. "And that was what? Four years ago?"

"Five actually," I sigh.

"Well then you know what," He states, "She hasn't been given time to grieve you know, I know it's been a month and all, but looking at her, even you know it, she needs more time, are you capable of giving her that?" He asks, his eyes no longer on Junior, but on me.

I'm capable of giving her the space she needs to figure a lot of things out.

Yes I'm fucking capable.

"Language, God, y'all are ruining this kid," he almost laugh but his gaze is now focused on a confused looking Junior.

I didn't realize I said that out loud. And like an idiot, I look Junior in the eye and I tell him, "Forget what I said,"

"You've been watching way too much TVD stuff," I hear Jo behind me and I laugh at myself. Leave it to Jo to derive joy in busting my ass whenever I do something stupid around Junior. Junior makes excited noises when he sees Jodie, and tries to get himself out of Coach's arms into Jodie's. It works. Guess who's learning how to get whatever he wants from his Dad. Coach takes this as his cue to go find Mrs. Kelly. I don't even know her first name.
I'll probably ask later. 

I face Jodie and I pin her with a stare. She rolls her eyes immediately, fixing her gaze on Junior.

"I'm just worried about you, Jo," I tell her and she nods. "And Alex is good people, but I just don't—"

"Hudson, I'm fine," she breathes. "I'm okay, he's married and I've moved on, we were just singing, it's just a song, no big deal," She says, and it almost feels like she's lying, more to herself than me, and so I stop pushing.

"I love you, sis, even though you won't let me look out for you," I tell her, honestly meaning every fucking word.

Junior starts to cry, the word 'Ma' coming from his lips.

"Mommy!" Jodie yells, getting Liz's attention where she's talking to Kim and Liz burrows her way through the crowd to get to us.

"Oh my very big baby," She purrs, taking Junior in her arms. The kid stops crying immediately, and he buries his head in her shoulder, holding her tightly. "Yes, you," she looks at me and I have a feeling I know exactly what she's about to ask. "How long have you known me?" She pins me with an almost accusing stare. It's almost funny.

"A couple of years tops?" I shrug and she slaps my arm playfully.

"So it wasn't just because of Aaron, that Jason hated the Krakens? It was also because of you,"

"You can say that," I grin and she rolls her eyes.

"Well, if you break my sister's heart—"

"I wouldn't, not again," I gulp, meaning every word. Liz is quiet for a moment, observing me, and I'm suddenly almost afraid of whatever is going on in her head.

"For what it's worth, I see the way she looks at you, you deserve each other, you both deserve to be happy," she smiles, placing a hand on mine. "And what happened wasn't your fault, Hudson, you're just a victim of my parent's manipulation," her blue eyes soften and I smile back at her.

"Thanks Liz, it means a lot, honestly," I tell her, my eyes scanning the room for Kimmie. And then I see her laughing with Coach, Mrs. Kelly and my Mom. She laughs uncontrollably, and I find myself laughing too until someone sits beside me.

Jason.

About time.

"Hey man," he nods at me and I nod back, and what he says next knocks me out of my breath. "I never hated you, or Aaron, or Liz or anybody," he shrugs, genuine apology in his eyes as he rubs the back of his neck. "I guess I was just jealous of the freedom y'all had to do whatever you wanted, you know, not having to answer to anyone or do anyone's bidding, just living free, doing whatever you want," He says. "When Liz finally moved out of the family house and moved in with Aaron, chasing her own happiness and all, it was kind of like an eye opener for me, and so I stopped hockey, stopped everything and just wanted to hit the reset button on my entire life. I couldn't take back what I did to Liz and Aaron, no matter how hard I tried, so I asked for forgiveness from both of them and I honestly wasn't expecting them to forgive me but they did, and now," he sighs. "I feel free I guess, I rented an apartment, I have a girlfriend that I love and will always love—"

"For the record, man," I interrupt and he nods. "You and Sam, I never saw it coming," I say and he chuckles.

"And hey," I tell him. "We're cool, we're brothers, we're good," He nods, happiness clearly written on his face. "I gotta go catch Kimmie," I tell him and he smiles, placing a hand on my shoulder.

☽︎ ☽︎ ☽︎

I FIND KIMMIE on Aaron and Liz's enormous balcony, watching the stars quietly. So I don't make a sound, I watch her closely, embracing the view of her in red. She looks exquisite, lovely, I can't wrap my head around enough words to describe how she looks under the light of the crescent moon and bright stars.

"It's been more than a month without you," she breathes, knocking away the silence between us. I walk closer to her, turning her head to face me. I've always loved her eyes, seeing myself in them was my favorite thing about staring at her. Correction is still my favorite thing.

"It's been hell," I tell her and she shuts her eyes slowly, squeezing my hand. She opens them again and my throat locks.

"I sketched somethings," she admits, light in her eyes and a small smile tugging at her lips.

"Really?" I ask, unable to contain my excitement.

"Yeah," she admits again, a small chuckle escaping her.

"I love you," the words leave me and her grip on my hands loosen and my heart races. She lifts her hands up, taking my face in her hands. Our foreheads and noses touch and I find myself holding her face as well.

"I love you," she breathes, and I feel drops of liquid on my nose. She's crying.
"When you told me what happened," she starts. "I remember feeling a lot of things; loss, pain, hurt, but I never felt anger," she whispers. "I tried to be mad at you but I just couldn't, so I took some advice and I did something else," She gulps and I wait for her to speak again, our noses brush. "I wrote a letter to our daughter,"

My eyes water at her admission and my knee almost buckles. Had everything gone right, our baby would have been four years old. "You wrote a letter?" I whisper the question and she nods slowly.

"I told her how much her Dad loves her even though he never met her," She whispers and then we're both crying.

"Can I read it?" I choke out and she nods.

"Of course you can," she smiles through the tears and she still looks beautiful. So so beautiful. "I want to tell you something else, it might freak you out," she whispers and I nod, already waiting for the bomb to drop. Fuck. There really is no hope, is there?

"I wanna quit acting," she says firmly.

Um?

"That's not who I am, you know," she releases my face and she walks a few steps away, turning to face me as she continues. I'm still in shock. "Claire Summers spent her entire life molding me into a faux version of herself, and that's not who I want to be anymore," she says and I almost smile. That's my baby. "I'm an artist, and I'm not a morning person, I love to sketch and eat lots and lots of cake," she admits, and a laugh erupts from her. We're both laughing and while Alex might be an even great singer, her laugh it's the best sound I've heard since tonight began.

"And I know there's more to discover about me and I wanna do all that with you by my side," She takes my hands, wrapping them around her waist. Then she holds my face again.

"You're not a fraud," she whispers. "You're the college guy I fell in love with, the man I never ever stopped loving you, even until now, in this moment," she whispers.

"I love you, I never stopped, it killed me to leave you, I spent years hating myself, feeling empty for what I did, I wanted to take it back you know, pay him back for my mom, win your heart back, but you Dad had a restraining order against me, so I couldn't do anything, I couldn't take any of it back, so I gave up at some point, then Nick throws a party for the new rookies and then you show up, and then you just kept showing up," he breathes. "You own my fucking soul, Kimmie, I've had so many conquests over the years, some I enjoyed, but nothing could every compare to feeling of having you look up at me with desire in these eyes, nothing could ever compare to the way your lips twitch nervously whenever you say the words 'i love you' or whenever you kiss me, and fuck, your laugh," I kiss her lightly, brushing her lips softly.

"We deserve a chance, you and I," She breathes into the kiss.

"I thought you dumped my ass there for a second," I whisper into the kiss. That gets a chuckle from her.

"You are worth everything to me," She whispers back, as we exchange frantic kisses.

I pull back from the kiss, admiring the sincerity laced with love and flicker of lust in her eyes, and then I tell her, "At your pace, everything will go at your pace, okay?" She nods in affirmation and I pull her into a hug, a warm feeling settling in my skin.

We spend the night in her apartment, underneath the covers of a queen sized bed. And believe it or not, we sleep, our legs entwined with each other and her head on my chest. And right now I can confidently say that we have all the time in the world to make love to each other, whenever we want, however we want and wherever we please.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N

Anyone noticed the ABLT hints in this chapter? *winks*

And Lee trying to compel Junior to forget, who saw the TVD reference LMFAO!!! So cuteeeeeee, I love this bunch so so much!

Jason and Lee working shit out, Jason and Liz giving Lee their blessing, GAHHHH

My babies are taking a well deserved chance on eachother and I'm so so excited and tearing up all at once!!

See you next chapter!


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