Love is too young to know what conscience is.
-- william shakespeare, sonnet 151

H U D S O N

Life hates me. It really hates me. And as sad as it sounds, i've come to the conclusion that this is my own form of karma.

"This is fucking ridiculous," I groan. "Come on T, you know I'm not a fucking actor,"

"It's the only way to save your ass, man," He shrugs and I turn to look at my gorgeous stand–in agent.

"Remind me why I haven't fired your ass,"

"Because even though you loathe me for some reason, I can see you think I know how to handle this mess you've created," Nadia says sternly. "Some articles speculate that you're in a relationship with Kimberly Summers,"

"Those articles and their writers can fuck off,"

"Hollywood can't," she smiles. "Apparently they are so interested in saving your ungrateful ass,"

"This is ridiculous, I'm not even a fucking actor,"

"Oooh, here's the best part," Nadia grins and I have a feeling it's definitely the worst part. "People are currently debating if it should be an actual movie or a fundraising stage play,"

"You're telling me I don't have a say in this?"

"I'm telling you to trust me, and of course the people,"

"The people who are the reason for my tragic transition from hockey to Hollywood, how interesting,"

"This problem won't be fixed until you accept that part of it is your fault,"

"What exactly is your job, Miss. Andrade?"

"My job is to make sure that you and your hot friend slash teammate, don't make mistakes that you regret, and of course Daniel went on vacation, and I'm the only agent willing to help,"

"So you're into T, huh?" I smirk at her and she responds with a rather offending eye roll.

"Just because I said he's hot, doesn't mean I'm into him," she stands to her feet. "and this is the last time we're meeting in your house," she grumbles. "So much annoying testosterone,"

It's been a week since the game at California, and a day since I found myself thinking about the night with Kim. Yes, I stepped out of line, and yes, I still want to keep stepping out of line. Her waistline, the curve of her hips, the utter softness of her breasts, the fragrance of her hair and skin.......

Being benched sucks, watching my teammates practice for yet another game sucks ass, but right now, the only thing I can do is to trust that Nadia is doing her best, and also do my fucking best to shut my damn mouth and stay out of trouble, in celebrity language, translates, stay out of the public eye.

"You have an invite to the Matt Dennis show on Saturday night," Nadia says and I freeze my thoughts.

"I thought I was supposed to be staying out of the public eye,"

"Until the public requests your presence," she smiles, "Here's the interesting part, at the show, the audience gets to vote to decide if you should do a movie or a stage play,"

"Interesting indeed, my fate in the hands of the very people who despise me, how wonderful," I say, contempt and utter frustration clear in my voice.

"Just, see it as democracy, government of the people, for the people and by the people,"

"I don't remember aspiring to run for president, Nadia,"

"Ooh, another guest is invited," she smiles at her iPad. "Miss Kimberly Summers,"

An intoxicating Saturday night. Anchored by the ruthless public and the love of my life. No fucking problem at all.

The way she stared at me, it was like we were reliving one of the most spectacular nights of our lives in college.

"Are you even listening to me?" Nadia's voice slices through my thoughts.

"Yeah, yeah, I am," I blink, my mind still fogged with visions of Kim.

"What did I say last?" She raises a brow.

"Are you playing teacher–student with me?" I chuckle as T returns to the dining table. "My distaste for you grows more and more by the second,"

"Hudson give her a break, she's a fantastic agent and you know that," T says and chuckle, more to myself though. "Thanks for seeing us today Nadia and I promise to make sure he gets in some fancy clothes for Saturday night,"

"It's Miss Andrade," she pauses as she stands to her feet. "Business is business, and fucked up opinions are welcome,"

"Fucked up opinions are welcome, damn," T chuckles.

"I'll leave now, see you Saturday night in a formal attire," she says as she walks out, leaving me with a laughing Terence.

"She's a good agent, you know, she's helping me with a ton of things, even Daniel couldn't do all that,"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever,"

"You're gonna talk about last Saturday?"

Yeah, T walked into the room the moment Kim left and of course, saw me almost naked. You can imagine the horror slash pleasure written on his complicated face, and the I–told–you–so look.

"I stepped out of line, and she didn't looked too pleased, and I don't want to talk about it,"

"You sure? Because you are going to be stuck with her on Saturday......"

"In a room full of other people," I grumble.

"And let's not forget the rehearsal before the actual show," T smirks.

"Which is why you, Nick and Aaron are going to accompany me," I keep up a satisfied look and he laughs.

"And maybe Matt fucking Dennis might extend his invite to all of you, after all he is a huge fan of hockey, Kraken fan in fact," I grin. "And then I won't have to sit side by side the love of my life,"

"Interesting, you admit that she is the love of your life,"

"Okay, okay, I've had enough of this psychoanalysis, you wanna hit the gym with me or what?"

☽︎ ☽︎ ☽︎ ☽︎ ☽︎ ☽︎ 〇 ☾︎ ☾︎ ☾︎ ☾︎ ☾︎ ☾︎

"Remind me to never let you carry him again," Liz fuses over me as she carries Junior from me.

"Says the Mom whose kid puked all over me," I attempt to clean myself and I hear the guys laughing at me from behind.

"And I'm so sorry, he's a baby,"

"A very cute baby in fact," Nick's fiancee, Brittany, who has started showing so much, giggles.

"Wanna talk about Saturday, what are you going to wear?"

"And why are we forced to come with you?" Aaron grumbles beside me, crossing his legs and sitting on the floor.

"Really miss you in the rink, man," Nick slams my shoulder and I give him a nod.

"So here's a chance to prove how much you actually miss me, accompany me to this Matt Dennis crap, he's a hockey fan you know, might even give the girls more bonding time and all," I say and Liz rolls her eyes.

"That's weird, you didn't invite me," Alex's voice halts my thoughts as I turn to look in the direction of his voice.

"We haven't seen you in quite a while so I'm guessing he figured this wouldn't be your, you know, thing?"

"Speaking of which," Nick's fiancee butts in, "Your wife, she doesn't hang out with us nor does she come to your games, is being princess really that suffocating?"

"Lily," I hear Nick's whisper and then nothing from her. Apart from me, Bri has never gotten over what happened between Alex and Jo, hell I don't think I'm getting over it, like, ever.

"Well, you made your point, you're invited," I give him a quick nod and I make my way towards the showers.

The water hits my face, and my body, washing away all the sweat from all the exercise and play with the littlest in our midst.

"Want me to wash you?"

"I want you to do much more than just wash me,"

"Well I just want to stare at you, and then we can talk about all the other things you want,"

Fuck.

I step out of the shower and I grab a towel, wrapping it around my waist, only to find Alex across the hall from me. And not just that, he also takes long strides towards me as I grab my clothes.

"Look, man, I'm sorry, I'm married, I can't change that,"

"I'm well aware of that, Alex, now would you kindly get out of my way, please,"

"I'm fucking trying here, you think I'm not mad at myself for hurting Jo?"

"Alex, don't you fucking say her name!" I slam the lockers next to me, and that helps silence him until I leave the showers.

"You're gonna have to forgive him someday," It's Nick's voice I hear next.

"Do you hate me?" It's Alex again and this time, his voice comes out broken, sad.

"You know things would be so much easier if I did!" I yell. "but I don't, and I can't, so just stay the hell away from me," I sigh, giving Nick a warning look before I toss my jacket on.

"Lee,"

Great, Jo's here now.

"This is all because of me, right?" Jodie folds her arms.

"So end it, I've moved on with my life, and you guys should move on with your friendship,"

"I'm getting the hell out of here," I walk out the gym door, leaving everyone silent of course.

The busy streets of Seattle greet me with it's familiar weather. Cold, and raining of course. And as it stands, I'm at the brink of a very serious mental breakdown. My feud with Alex, my quest to defend my long lost sister from him and of course, my feelings for Kimmie which, of course, chose the wrong time to resurface. And now I'm at the risk of sitting right next to her on Saturday night. Love is a terrible, terrible thing indeed. At this rate, we risk being the Romeo and Juliet or the Anthony and Cleopatra of this fucked up Twenty-first century.

And yet I can't seem to stop thinking about her, can't seem to rid my persistent thoughts of her. I haven't bothered to watch the Tv and of course, I've been avoiding the internet ever since Saturday night. But of course, the street of Seattle have chosen to haunt me tonight. Standing, with an umbrella in my hand, staring at a huge billboard with a video of her and Matt fucking Dennis, talking about Saturday night's business. Gorgeous as ever, in a black dress and red stilettos. Lips, plump and pinky as ever, a smile ravishing enough to shatter a billion hearts.

"You look pretty lost."

And a voice that'll haunt me forever.

A/N

Heyyy guys!!

I'm so glad I was able to make time to write this. I know my updates are super random now and I know some of you guys have probably given up on me and all.

Here's to hoping y'all see the update notification and tap it.

Mira loves y'all!