Chapter 26

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Joe sat in his car in the small parking lot outside of East Boston Public library waiting for Katherine to finish work. Normally he wouldn't pick her up since they had varying schedules but she'd insisted they should arrive for their counselling session together. He suspected she was worried he'd flake out on her otherwise.

He looked at his phone as he idled the time away, and felt his frustration grow that Shannon hadn't been in touch. He's sent her a few messages, nothing too heavy, just the odd 'thinking of you' and when that had elicited no response he'd tried to be straight with her.

Shannon bear with me. I've told Kat everything. It's only a matter of time before she realises we're over, it's just taking a while to sink in. I don't want to hurt her more than I have to. Please be patient. Thinking of you babe xoxo

And there was still no response.

He felt his frustration turning to anger, Shannon was being completely unreasonable to freeze him out like this. He was putting himself on the line for her, and she wasn't being remotely supportive. Impulsively he hit the call button by her name.

'Hello,' she said just as he was about to give up hope of her answering.

'Shannon it's me.' There was silence on the line and he could hear the sound of loud voices around her. She was probably in a shopping mall. 'Shannon are you there?'

'I'm heading into work,' she said, and he could barely hear her over a tannoy announcement.

'Shannon we need to talk, I have to see you. I'm trying to sort things out with Kat, we're virtually over-'

'But you're not, are you?' she snapped.

'We almost are! As far as I'm concerned it's over but Katherine's having a hard time accepting it.' He loosened the tie around his neck suddenly finding it too constrictive.

He heard Shannon make an inaudible noise before she spoke again. 'Joe have you tried saying the words "Katherine it's over", I think she'd get that.'

Joe groaned, letting some of his frustration out. 'You just want me to tear her heart out,' he said not attempting to hide his annoyance. 'How can you be so cold?'

'I'm cold?' she spluttered. 'Why are you putting this all on me? She's your fiancee.'

'Look I'm sorry, but you don't know the pressure I'm under. I'm trying to do the right thing here.'

Shannon scoffed. 'Maybe you should have thought about that earlier. Donnie's right, you want to have your cake and eat it.'

His hackles went up. 'Donnie? What's he got to do with this?'

There was a long pause and he thought she wasn't going to speak but then she cleared her throat. 'Donnie simply pointed out I could end up wasting years of my life on you. And he's right. You haven't finished with Katherine and I don't think you are going to.'

'That's not true,' he said trying to sound resolute.

'Actually, it is,' she said cutting off his fresh protestations. 'Goodbye Joe.' She hung up before he could object any further and he threw his phone down onto the seat next to him, slamming his hand against the steering wheel. She was being absolutely impossible. Surely she could understand it wasn't that simple to end a relationship, an engagement when the other person didn't want to do so. Would she really think better of him if he just callously broke Kat's heart?

~~~

Katherine reached for Joe's hand as the counsellor called them into her office. She was grateful he didn't pull away although his grip felt weak, he was probably feeling as awkward as she was now they were here.

'I'm Dr Willis but you can call me Clare,' the counsellor said as she indicated for them both to sit down in front of her. Katherine looked around the office taking in its complete lack of charm. The walls were white, the furniture beige, there was some sort of houseplant in the window, and a water cooler in the corner. The room was devoid of any character whatsoever. She wondered if it matched the personality of its inhabitant, and she squeezed Joe's hand feeling nervous. When he didn't squeeze her hand back she let go of his and crossed her arms over her chest.

'There's no need to be so tense,' Clare said looking at her over the top of her glasses which were perched on the bottom of her nose.

'Sorry,' Katherine said trying to rearrange her limbs into a less defensive posture. 'I guess I'm not too sure what to expect.'

Clare smiled and as her face softened Katherine realised she could only be a few years older than her at most. 'Well think of this as preventive health,' Clare said her gaze taking them both in. 'Call it a relationship check-up.'

Katherine nodded but she suspected Joe was zoning out. 'Yes, that's sort of what we were thinking.'

'And is there any particular place where you'd like to start? Any issues that need working through already.'

Katherine frowned, that wasn't what she was expecting at all. Surely the counsellor would direct them?

'I thought you'd guide us,' she said. 'I mean we think we're in agreement but maybe there are things we haven't considered.'

'And has anything brought about this realisation?'

Katherine flushed, feeling a wave of anger flood through her. 'No, it was something my mom suggested and we thought it was a good idea.'

'Do you agree, Joe?'

Joe glanced at Katherine and cleared his throat. 'Yeah, I guess we've had a few disagreements lately...'

'The pressure of the wedding,' Katherine said sharply. 'It's made us a bit tetchy that's all. Can we get on with the counselling now, we've already wasted ten minutes.'

'Kat,' Joe admonished but she didn't care. This Clare woman was prevaricating, probably hoping to drag their sessions out. She wondered what kind of doctor she even was, she'd put money on it that she'd got her qualification off the internet.

'Okay,' Clare said and Katherine thought her voice lacked a bit of the warmth it had earlier had. 'Let's talk about commitment. What does commitment mean to you?'

Katherine looked at Joe, and he tilted his head indicating she should answer the question first.

'Well,' she said as Clare looked on expectantly. 'It means being loyal to the other person, putting them before all others. Like if you commit to something you stick with it, you don't give up when things get difficult. You stay true to the person you've committed to.'

She swallowed down the bile that was rising up in her throat. Joe had clearly fallen at the first hurdle as far as being committed to her went.

'Joe, would you agree with Katherine?' Kat looked at Clare not hiding her annoyance. So she'd had to open up and think about the question and Joe would simply get to reiterate her reply.

'Yeah, I think me and Kat have the same idea about what commitment means,' Joe said his voice relaxing. 'I wouldn't disagree with what she said.'

'Okay, we're making a good start here,' Clare said and Kat couldn't help rolling her eyes. 'Next, out of all the people you've met who you could have married, why have you chosen your partner?'

'Well I wouldn't say I had the choice of marrying lots of people,' Katherine said trying to laugh. 'There was this one boyfriend I had at college that I suppose I was serious about.' She paused failing to see the relevance of her ex-boyfriend. 'But we had a different outlook on life. He wanted to be an actor and I hate that lifestyle, you see my mom acted when I was growing up.'

'And that was a bad thing?'

Katherine's eyebrows came together. 'For me it was. One moment she'd be taking me and my little sister to school, helping with our homework, baking cookies, the next she'd have a job and we'd be going to school in a cab and coming home to a housekeeper. It felt chaotic and I would never want to live that lifestyle again or have my children live it.' Looking back she realised her mom had run things with almost military precision, however, as a child she'd hated the lack of consistency.

'And I take it Joe's not like that?' Clare said shooting a smile in Joe's direction which irked Kat.

'No, he's reliable, steady, he doesn't make rash decisions. He's responsible with money, I think we both have the same idea about how we'd bring up a family.' She closed her eyes briefly remembering how she'd thought Joe was ideal, how she'd envied his traditional upbringing, and wanted to emulate it in the future.

'And Joe,' Clare said turning to him, allowing Katherine to relax now the spotlight was off her. 'Why did you chose Katherine out of all the people you could have married?'

'Well look at her,' Joe said his face breaking into an easy smile. 'She's perfect. She's beautiful, she's intelligent, and it's like she said. We both have the same ideas as to how we'd raise a family.'

Katherine almost swore Joe breathed a sigh of relief after he'd answered the question. She had to admit his answer was probably spot on, and yet if she was perfect, why had he gone elsewhere?

Clare clasped her hands together and smiled at Joe. 'That's quite a pedestal you've put her on, I can see why you want to get married.' Something in her voice put Katherine on edge, she guessed Clare sensed his answer was a little too rehearsed. 'So no one else has ever come close?'

Joe squinted at her. 'No one else?'

'Out of all the people you could have married? You didn't entirely answer the question?'

Okay, Katherine thought, maybe Clare was a bit more clued up than she'd first assumed.

Joe shuffled in his seat. 'Well, I did have this one girlfriend I was serious about, but we split up when we went to college.'

'And did you ever consider marrying her?'

Katherine felt like the air had left the room, and she had to take a few deep breaths to keep her head clear. Clare didn't seem to be aware of the effect her question had had though.

'I guess I did,' Joe admitted and Katherine's throat constricted. 'But we were only young.'

Katherine closed her eyes, and it took her a moment to realise that Clare was speaking to her. 'I'm sorry, could you repeat that?' she asked rubbing her forehead. Clare spoke to her again but it might as well have been in a foreign language. She could hear the words but she couldn't understand them.

'I'm sorry,' she said rubbing her head for good measure. 'I don't feel so well, I'm going to have to take a break.' Ignoring Clare's offer of a glass of water, she fled the office.

~~~

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