Zavier

The hum of the docks flowed around Zavier, a sound he knew by heart. It was the sound of freedom to him. The sound he heard right as he was about to board a ship and sail away. The sharp tones of two men arguing. The rattle of wheels as a carriage passed by. The thud of a crate landing on top of another. The command of a captain to a reckless sailor.

He knew it all. But today it didn't hold the fondness he used to feel for it.

After sitting on a crate next to The Duke, waiting for Alwyn to appear, the sounds had worn on him. They all spoke of how he was anchored to this city, this shore.

Alwyn had left so quickly after the meeting that Zavier hadn't been able to talk to her. Knowing she would eventually make her way to her mother's ship, Zavier had gone to the harbor, planting himself near where The Duke was docked.

Crew members flowed on and off the ship, stocking up for the journey. None of them had bothered him. Joric had mentioned getting something to eat mid-day, but Zavier didn't feel like eating, his thoughts gnawing away at him.

Betrothed. Again. He knew, had known the second his father talked, what the outcome would be. Yet somehow it had been Lydia's 'I accept' that had made it all hit him. When he'd looked up, he hadn't seen Lydia, but Wilder standing just beyond her shoulder. He looked like he'd been run-through. Zavier knew the feeling.

Though this time it hadn't felt as shocking, it still hurt all the same. He hadn't been able to look at Alwyn. How could he? Yet again they were thrown into the same situation. Would she forgive him this time?

Last time it had taken him almost dying. If that was the case this time it would take his death for her to forgive him. At least if he were dead there would be no betrothal. Zavier almost laughed at the morbid thought.

But he thought of Lydia, a girl younger than him ready to do what needed to be done to help her kingdom. A girl willing to give up all she loved to do it. Somehow her stoic countenance shamed him. Without the alliance, she stood to lose more than she'd already lost. His sacrifice felt inconsequential in comparison.

He had to say goodbye to all he wanted. Again.

When the low sun backlit the taverns and hostiles, Alwyn finally appeared, a pack dangling from her shoulder. She didn't see Zavier right away. But when he stood, she stopped walking. They stood there, regarding each other. The breeze ruffled pieces of her blonde hair and fading light splayed shadows across her face. Flecks of rays lit her blue eyes. She was beautiful.

And she would never be his.

The harsh truth urged him to speak, to somehow bridge the divide. One that had always been there, they'd simply been foolish enough to ignore it.

"You are going to sail with your parents, then?" he asked.

Alwyn shifted the strap of the pack and edged towards him.

"Yeah, she thinks it will be a good time to relearn a few things. She hired someone to watch over the Sea Siren. Our whole crew will join the trip." She cleared her throat. "They can learn how a real crew operates."

"That should help," Zavier said. "Yasmine and Dempsey are new to the whole sailing situation."

"Yeah," Alwyn said, gazing at the ship and the crew bustling about. "Also I don't think Cyrus couldn't go without seeing Yasmine for so long. I think he actually loves her, the rockhead."

"People can be foolish when they are in love."

Alwyn locked eyes with Zavier then and Joric had the good sense to drift off.

"Maybe that is the price of love," Alwyn said, "it makes everyone a fool."

"Then I was a fool."

Alwyn curled her hands around the pack's strap and let her eyes drift to the grim coated cobblestones. Zavier couldn't look away from her, wanting to remember the way the sunlight turned her hair into white gold.

"So was I," she said.

Sighing, she raised her head. The fiery, impulsive girl he knew seemed so far away. The anger, hurt, and betrayal that had burned in her eyes two seasons ago was nowhere to be seen. Why did he miss that? Why did he want her to be angry? Would it make it any better? Somehow it felt like it would. Instead, he saw resignation.

"The last time," Zavier said. "You told me you would stab me if you ever saw me again. Will you repeat the sentiment or deliver a fresh one?"

With a touch of a smile, Alwyn moved over to him. She set the pack on the ground and leaned her arms on a set of crates, watching the water.

"I don't know how you grew up in the palace," she said. "I spent one night there and it felt so cold and isolated. There's nowhere to go."

She kept her focus on the ocean, the endless landscape that stretched to the horizon. Zavier lifted his eyes to the palace and the wall the surrounded the expansive grounds.

"This, coming from a girl who grew up on a ship. There is nowhere to go on a ship," he said.

"There is everywhere to go in a ship."

They looked at each other then. Alwyn brushed her fingers tips over his cheek, his jaw. She smiled sadly. The smile hurt him. Her lips weren't meant for that kind of smile. They were meant to curl with mischief, challenge, or happiness. Sadness didn't suit her.

"Cyrus was right," she said. "As he so frustratingly is most of the time. I have made so many reckless decisions but falling in love with you, that might have been the worst."

"I never should have snuck onto your family's ship," Zavier said.

Alwyn dropped her hand. "No, you shouldn't have."

When she backed away from him it felt like the world started moving, like they'd been locked in a pocket of time where only they existed. He gazed around as if realizing where he was once again.

When he spotted Wilder striding towards them, he paused. Even with the pack Wilder carried, Zavier didn't put together why he was there. Alwyn turned around and Zavier noticed how Wilder's expression darkened with the same hard glint he'd worn in his earlier outburst. For one uncertain moment, Zavier wondered if he were here to yell at Alwyn again.

"I see you're to sail with us," Alwyn said.

Sail? But the Princess.

"I am," Wilder said. Before Alwyn could comment, Wilder directed his attention to Zavier. "Can I have a word with you?"

Zavier nodded. Alwyn touched Zavier's arm gently.

"Goodbye, Zavier," she said.

At the finality of her words, Zavier wanted to embrace her, kiss her. Even if it were for the last time. But he didn't.

"Clear skies, Wyn," Zavier said, using the farewell his mother's people used. A well wish of safety, peace, and quick return.

She drifted away and Zavier wanted to watch her the whole time but couldn't, not with Wilder standing next to him. So he put his back to her and the ship.

"You are really sailing with them?" he asked.

"Yes. I know the path through the forest and into the palace. I can do more for Lydia by finding out what state her kingdom is in than shadowing her around the palace."

Zavier envied him. Envied the freedom he had to choose to sail, leave at a thought. Wilder took a step forward, his manner intent.

"Promise me," he said. "Promise me you will look after her. These next few days she will need...a friend."

Behind the urgency in his words, Zavier saw the cracked edges. Lydia's decision hadn't only affected Zavier's life, but Wilder's.

"You have my word," he said.

As Wilder drew back, Zavier reached out and took hold of his upper arm.

"Now promise me you will not hold her mistake against her." Wilder stiffened but Zavier held his gaze. "She made a mistake."

"One that cost Bates his life and nearly cost you yours," Wilder said.

"And she knows that."

Wilder raised his head, watching Alwyn onboard the ship, and Zavier glanced back. She moved with a different kind of confidence while on deck. It was like she fully knew who she was with the sway of the ocean beneath her.

Wilder let out a breath. "You have my word."

The two young men clasped hands.

"Safe travels," Zavier said.

Wilder boarded and Zavier remained on the docks, watching as the ship finished its final preparations and cut away from the pier. He stood there seeing the ship glide away like he hadn't been able to do the last time Alwyn left. But it wasn't that memory that played in his head.

As Zavier swung down from his horse in front of the palace, he tried to fight his grin. But couldn't. He could still feel the imprint of Alwyn's lips on his. Still smell the wind and sea in her hair. Still hear her laugh in his ears. It was like she'd invaded his very being and he didn't care.

"Zavier."

Zavier forced the betraying smile from his face as he faced his eldest brother. Dimitrius wore the bearing of a future king, his hair neatly combed back without being severe, his posture stately without being pompous, his eyes kind without being weak, his manner friendly without being lax.

"You have been away for so long I thought you might never return," Dimitrius said with a warm smile.

"Sometimes I find it harder and harder to return home when there is so much of the world to see."

Dimitrius clasped his brother's shoulder. "Yes, but do not run away too far, our family still needs you."

Zavier didn't believe this. He was the fifth son, his role in the kingdom was inconsequential. At least he hoped it was, it would make what he planned to do feel easier.

"Come," Dimitrius said, directing Zavier away from the palace. "Nolan has accused me of being too sedentary and I need a sparring partner."

Zavier didn't argue. The times he got to spend with Dimitrius were rare. As the Crown Prince, his time was spent learning how to rule, handle disputes, and writing laws. As they entered the training grounds for the soldiers, men bowed and gave greetings to Dimitrius. He responded warmly but never with the camaraderie that the other brothers had with the soldiers. Dimitrius was set apart. The thought of that type of isolation made Zavier inwardly shudder. How lonely it must be.

Dimitrius collected two wooden swords and handed one to Zavier. At Zavier's skeptical look, Dimitrius laughed.

"I wish to talk and will not be able to if I fear losing a hand," he said.

Accepting this, Zavier rolled up his sleeves. They faced off, their stances confident. Each son had been raised to handle a sword, something their father felt was important to learn. They proceeded slowly at first, exchanging jabs, testing the other's level of competence. When comfortable, they quickened their attacks, falling into an easy rhythm.

"Did you know I was once in love with a stable girl?" Dimitrius said.

Zavier stopped fighting, stunned. Dimitrius swung and hit Zavier in the ribs. Zavier yelped, but more from shock than pain. Dimitrius grinned.

"Stay focused," he said.

Zavier raised his sword and deflected the next blow.

"I never knew," he said.

"Yes," Dimitrius said, casually. "Her name was Marie. She was beautiful, kind, and everything I wanted. We were both seventeen and I told her that I wanted to marry her."

Again Zavier stopped fighting, unable to believe what his brother was saying. The Crown Prince had planned to marry a stable girl. Not only was the thought unbelievable because of the difference in stations but because Zavier hadn't known anyone to love their wife more than Dimitrius loved Sophia.

A hit to the thigh made Zavier clench his teeth and renew his attack.

"What happened to her?" Zavier asked.

"Nothing, she is still alive and well. Married to someone else."

Dimitrius lowered his sword and instead of getting his revenge, Zavier halted as well. Dimitrius looked at Zavier and Zavier had a feeling he knew what was in his heart.

"Marie loved horses, still does. She used to handle the ones that were skittish or afraid. She would ride them until they felt calm. Her life was the stables and the fields beyond the city walls where there was space to ride."

Zavier stared at his brother, feeling a sickening dread in his stomach.

"She said she would marry me," he continued. "And I knew she would. But one day as I was returning from a journey to an outer estate, I saw her riding. Her hair had come loose and streamed out behind her."

He looked down at the ground, smiling with the memory. "I had never seen anyone so beautiful." When he looked up the smile was gone but there was a certainty in his features. "I knew I could never take that away from her. To marry me would mean she would have to behave like a noble, gowns not trousers, protocol, not freedom.

"I also saw for myself how, though I loved her now, in years to come I might resent her. Resent her for not knowing how to handle the affairs of the kingdom as some nobleman's daughter would. Instead of a partner, I could look to for support, I would have a wife who would not understand."

Zavier hurt for his brother, for the sacrifice he made. But he also felt deeper respect for him than he'd ever known. In love but wise enough to look into the future. There was no one more fit to be king than Dimitrius.

"I broke her heart," Dimitrius said. "But I also gave her a life she wanted."

He poked his sword into the grass. "I know that there are some things as royal's we must sacrifice. It has ended well she is married to our cousin, Uncle Huck's second oldest. Now she gets to live happily training horses and wandering the kingdom. And I?" This time his smile was filled with peace and contentment. "Our parents introduced me to Princess Sophia."

Zavier said nothing for a long while. He understood. How had his brother known? He didn't think anyone did. He and Alwyn had worked to keep it that way. It was easier that way.

"Does anyone else know?" Zavier asked.

His brother shook his head and Zavier knew he was aware they weren't talking about Dimitrius's love of Marie.

"How did you?"

Dimitrius moved closer. "I had business at the harbor, seeing off a visitor from the West Isles. I saw you both."

Zavier couldn't hold his brother's gaze and contemplated the ground, marking the grass with the point of his sword. He knew what the story meant, duty before self. Freedom for someone you loved.

"Will you tell?" he asked.

"No, but our parents want to speak with you."

Zavier jerked his head up.

"What is it about?" he asked.

"Your future."

Zavier road back into the palace grounds, the memory swirling through his mind. He remembered sitting down with his parents. Arranged marriages were different in their family. It was a blend of alliances, discussion, and a good match.

Their mother was Eldin and had grown up with wandering horse trainers. Stepping into the role of Princess then Queen had been more of a challenge than she ever knew. The price of her past was a strain on her marriage. Though Gigi and Thayer made it through, it took time.

That's why they understood the importance of a finding someone who could be a good partner as well as a wife. And each son was given the option of declining the arrangement.

For Nolan, all he'd had to know was the Duchess from Varron was a skilled archer and he'd been in love. The marriage had been perfect for the ties it created and the happiness it brought to the two of them.

Killian flirted with every girl he met, that's when Gigi and Thayer directed his attention to a specific duchess, he'd already had a history with his future wives. For Quinn it had taken a single glance at the Seau Princess the moment she stepped into the ballroom and he'd fallen in love.

Zavier discovered later that his parents, knowing Quinn, had asked for the introduction, knowing the type of girl Quinn was likely to be attracted to. And now their engagement would take place in a season's time.

With all their experience, his parents had thought the West Isles Princess Vienna fit with Zavier's taste. With knowing his love of travel, she came from a family where exports were the heart of their revenue and travel was frequent. And when the king of the West Isles came seeking an alliance, it felt a perfect match.

The only flaw was that his parents hadn't known he'd already given his heart away. As he sat there listening to his parents he knew he could tell them about Alwyn and the matter would be dropped. Though a pirate she still held noble blood, they could be together. 

But with Dimitrius's story fresh in his mind, he never told them of the truth. How could he when the brother he looked up to had made the same sacrifice once?

But more than that is was Dimitrius's words that sealed his decision.

"I broke her heart, but I also gave her a life she wanted."

Alwyn would never forgive him, but he knew what he had to do. For her.

The carriage stopped before the palace steps and Zavier alighted from it. He stood there, looking at the symbol of his family's wealth and position. Something out of the corner of his eye made him look up. On an upper balcony, he found Lydia. She stood there, staring off towards the harbor, clutching her arms as if hugging herself.

Part of Zavier knew he should go to her, talk to her but he couldn't. Instead, he turned away, not heading into the palace but around it, towards the training grounds. Joric didn't question this, simply followed. When they stepped inside the courtyard, Zavier shed his coat and tossed aside his cane.

Conflicted. He'd felt conflicted when his parents had proposed the marriage alliance the first time, knowing that to say no was to fail his role as a royal. Now here he was again, caught in the same situation and he hated that his life didn't feel like his own, but someone else's.

He wanted the power Wilder had to pack up his things and set off. But as he thought about it, how free was Wilder? Everything he did, he did for Lydia.

Zavier took one of the wooden practice swords off the rank.

"You sure this is wise?" Joric asked. "You are still healing."

"I need to do something."

Zavier found space out of the way and started to go through the positions. It hurt. His side ached when he lifted the sword too high, but Zavier gritted his teeth. At least this was his choosing. It wasn't long before sweat beaded on his brow and his limbs felt shaky with fatigue.

When he thought he might pass out from the strain, he stopped. Everything throbbed with pain, but somehow Zavier relished the feeling because with it came clarity.

The betrothal was in place, he could not change that. But what he could change was how he reacted to it. He thought of how he'd given Wilder his word that he would look out for Lydia. He could do that. For now, he could be her friend.

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"Oh, Look At That. I've Been Impaled."

(Haha I feel like Olaf's quote nailed it with this chapter)

Are you feeling impaled? Your heart ripped out? Your hope shattered? Your insides a pile of jelly? You have to tell me! I must know! 🤴🏾⚔️🛡

How do I feel? Well *flops onto the