Chapter 24: Looking Down the Bottom of the Barrel

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March 2, 7:23pm

It's been a while since I wrote in here, but I needed to get my thoughts on paper instead of them constantly exhausting me, running through my head. I can never get my thoughts in words while also saying those words out loud. And it's not like I have anyone to listen to those words either. I haven't really told Frankie which is the only person I would tell if I was going to say anything, but the rest of my friends don't know and neither do my parents. The only one who really knows is Nate, which I never thought in a million years I would ever tell him something important ever again. It's kind of nice to be at peace with him and moved on like I never thought would happen. Now, I have to move on from someone else. Logan. My heart still aches even when I write his name or think about his name. It's been at least a week—maybe a week and a half—since I talked to him in the hallway. Now, I think I should hear him out. I keep trying to convince myself that it's the right thing to do just cause there's this small part of me that wants to see him and talked to him again, but I don't even know what's right and wrong anymore. Whatever I did, I knew Nate was right. That I would regret it if I didn't let him explain. I hope that my future self—if I look back and read this—is content with whatever decision I choose.

I took the cap off the end of the pen and closed it, then lay it on the page. I closed the journal I haven't use in a while and placed it back on the corner of my desk. I hoped that someday I wouldn't regret letting Logan explain, because I knew myself. I would eventually cave in, whether it was tomorrow, a week from now, or next month. I couldn't live life without him knowing something was unfinished. I got out my homework that was due tomorrow after I procrastinated it all weekend.

After I finished my homework, I picked out the outfit I was going to wear tomorrow and brushed my teeth, getting ready for bed. I said goodnight to my parents and climbed into bed, laying flat on my back, gazing straight at the ceiling. After a while of staring at nothing, my eyelids begin to feel heavy and then everything went black.

~

I found myself sitting at a Cafeteria table with my friends. It was break and I knew I was aware that I wasn't listening to anything they were saying, but to be fair, I had a lot on my mind. All of a sudden, I felt poking on my shoulder and also became aware they knew I wasn't paying any attention to them. I think the staring into space may have given it away. I look over to see Teddy trying to get my attention and the others staring at me like something was wrong.

"What?" I asked them pretending I didn't know what they were trying to do.

"Earth to Stella," Teddy voiced and the others giggled.

"What did I miss?"

"What's going on with you? This pass week it's like you're here, but you're not here." Frankie asked honestly and even though it slightly didn't make sense, I understood what he was saying. And I totally agreed. I came to school everyday, but my mind wasn't here, it was always thinking about Logan.

"I just have a lot on my mind right now and sometimes I can't focus, that's all," I lied.

"Does it have anything to do with Logan? We know something happened between you guys. A lot of people are talking about it," I heard Alivia say.

"People are talking about me?" I sounded worried.

"I mean not a lot, a lot, but people don't know what happened with you guys and people want to know I guess. I mean they are talking more about Logan, than you."

"Why, whats wrong with him?"

"I don't really know 'cause I haven't seen him much, but apparently he just doesn't look good."

"He doesn't look good?" I asked sounding confused and I was. I never knew it was even possible for him to not to look good. He always looked good.

"I just heard people say 'he doesn't look good', I don't know what they mean by that though," she answered, shrugging her shoulders.

"Oh," was all I could say. I started to tune out the conversation again, and not that I meant to, but I was just so caught up in what Alivia said about him. I found myself wanting to see him more and more. I felt poking from Teddy again and replied with, "what?"

He pointed to Frankie beside him, so I leaned forward to see Frankie as he began to say something.

"We're in the classroom for gym today," he informed me. I felt my mouth quickly frowning. Classroom days were boring. Although watching sports films were entertaining, I'd rather do something in the gym, but really, I had no choice. I answered him with an 'ok,' and the bell conveniently rang signaling for our next class to start. I picked up my things off the seat beside me and walked to the classroom with Frankie.

When we walked in, the lights were shut off and the only light was coming from outside peaking behind the blinds and the light from the projector, projecting an image of a power point on the wall. Frankie and I sat next to each other in the third row just as the bell rang, but I didn't see Logan. At this point, it didn't surprise me at all if he just didn't come to school anymore. Mr. Young started to do attendance.

"Is Carter not here today?" Mr. Young voiced in the front of the classroom. He always called people by their last names. I guess him and Logan have something in common. Mr. Young took the silence as a no and marked something on a piece of paper. He returned to his desk to lay the papers on a pile of notebooks and just as he made his way back to  the front, the door to classroom opened.

"Nice of you to show up Carter," Mr. Young commented as Logan stepped into the classroom.

"At least I showed up," he retorted as he made his way past me without making eye contact. As soon as he sat in the back, I glanced back at him, but as soon as he caught me looking, I quickly turned around.

Half way through the class, I shifted my head to look at Logan again, hoping he wouldn't notice a turning head a few feet in front of him. From the projector light I could slightly see his features. He looked tired. He had a slight purply-blue tint to his under-eye bags. His hair was that sexy-kind-of-messy, so it still looked good as he sat back in his chair. He didn't look like he usually does: he looks like he hasn't slept in days; he looks sad, and just emotionally drained. He must've noticed a pair of eyes on him because his eyes met with my own. I missed his eyes. This time I didn't look away, I just stared into his brown eyes which captivated me every time I saw them. His eyes were filled with emotion, confirming that he felt sad, which made me want to sit next to him. A week ago, I was mad at him, but I just feel sorry for him and I feel like it's my fault he's like this. I couldn't hold back from him any longer.

Are you okay? I texted him. I know it was probably the wrong idea to do it, but I just felt like he's hurting because I won't let him explain what he wants to. Maybe the truth couldn't be that bad. I turned around to see if he got it. I got my answer to that question when my phone vibrated and a message from him appeared on my screen.

So now you wanna talk to me? I felt the sarcasm come off the message and could tell he was pissed off.

Sorry if I bothered you. You just seem sad.

A few moments later he responded: You're never bothering me Stella. And yeah I kinda am sad. pissed too. I miss this girl and I wanna talk to her, but she won't let me.

I felt a pain is my chest when he said I never bother him. A pang of jealousy came over me when he mentioned a girl, but then I realized it's probably me.

That sounds like it sucks. Meet me outside the classroom after class ends.

I looked back at him to see him smile. I'm assuming it was from my text, but I felt myself starting to cave in like I always do when it comes to him and it started to scare me.

~

He stood in front of me as soon as he came out of the classroom. There was this tension between us, like it was awkward for both of us to be standing in front of each other.

"How have you been?" I asked breaking the silence.

"You asked me to meet you after class to ask me how I've been? Isn't it obvious? Stella, you know I've been miserable this whole time. It feels like you're just rubbing it in my face."

"I'm sorry. I don't mean to rub it in your face, but in all honesty, it's not my fault. You were the one that lied." This conversation wasn't going how I thought it would.

"Yeah I lied. And I'd do it again. I have a perfect explanation for it, but you won't let me tell you the truth!" His voice got a little louder than I expected it would.

"I didn't feel safe around you!" I replied honestly. As soon as the words fell out of my mouth, his face relaxed, but had hurt written all over it.

"Well I'm sorry." His voice was softer. "I don't know what else to do. I've tried everything. I just want to tell you the truth now, but the ball's in your court."

"Fine. Tonight, 4:30 after school. Meet me at the café you brought me to a while ago."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah I'm sure." I wasn't sure. "4:30, be there, I'm not waiting around for you." I said firmly. He nodded and I left trying hard not to fall on the ground as I felt dizzy like talking to him took everything out of me.

~

"I'll text you when I get to Frankie's, love you," were the last words I said to my parents before I left the house and got in the car. I never told them I was leaving to go see Logan; I lied instead. I told them I was going to study with Frankie for a test we had tomorrow, but I'm not going to Frankie's and there's no test. Well hopefully there isn't a test. I plugged in the aux cord and started to play this months playlist I made, then backed out of the driveway and started driving.

I chose the cafe because it was out in public. I didn't fully trust him yet to be by ourselves when he tells me whatever he's going to, but I should've chose some place else because I forgot how long it took. Suddenly, I felt something hit the back of my car and the car spun off the road. It happened so quick that all I saw was the scenery outside the windows get blurry as if I was moving so fast. I felt my head hit the steering wheel then back again to hit my seat. When the car stopped, I felt like I was spinning. But you're sitting down.

I feel a bit of shatter on me as someone dressed in black smashed the drivers side window to bits of glass. As the person did this, I closed my eyes and shielded my turned away face with my arms.

"Are you Stella Jones?" A man's voiced asked and I turned to see who asked the question. He didn't look friendly at all which made me nervous. And how did he know my name?

"Who are you? Do I know you?"

"That's not important. Now answer my question," he stated firmly. I felt really uncomfortable. My heart was beating like crazy and I felt my entire body start to sweat even though the cold, winter air was blowing on me through the broken window.

"No, I don't know who you are."

"You want to answer the question now?" as he asked this, he reached down, pulling out a gun and pointing it towards me. I thought my heart was already beating fast, but now it was beating ten times faster. I've never felt this type of fear. And I've also never had to look down the barrel of a gun.

"Y-yes, I'm S-Stella Jones," I answered like a nervous wreck with the fear that I'd hear the sound of that gun go off while it's being pointed at me.

"Where's Logan?" his voice was harsh. I didn't really know where Logan was. I mean I knew that he was meeting me at the Café, but I didn't know where he actually was at this moment and therefore, if I said I didn't know, I wouldn't be lying.

"I don't know, and I'm not lying. I swear. The last time I saw him was at school." At this point I'm shaking.

The man starts laughing, "Logan is in high school?"

"Y-Yeah . . . why?" I squeaked out and then start crying.

"Nothing, you might find out someday." There's something I definitely don't know.

"Please don't shoot me, I really don't know anything," I continue to cry.

"I won't shoot you, I'm only interested in killing Logan, but I can't let you go like this, sweetheart, sorry," he says with an evil tone to his voice. All I see is his arm launching towards me and then everything went black.

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Thank you for waiting to read this chapter. Again, really sorry it took this long. Please vote and although there's still a several chapters left to go, comment what you would like the ending to be. I wanna know what you guys want to happen :)

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