Chapter 10: Hurt Me

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Nate sat down beside me and glanced at Logan's hands holding mine. He wore a pair of khakis and a shirt from the soccer championship the team won this past fall. It fit him well. It showed off his muscular arms, but hid his defined abdomen. Nate had these blue eyes that reminded me of the ocean. They were a light blue with a similar color to turquoise near the iris. His hair was short, kind of like Logans, and was a sandy color, coincidentally to go with his ocean blue eyes.

"What's going on between you guys?" he moved his stare from mine and Logan's hands to my eyes. I quickly turned my head to face Logan and we both pulled our hands away at the same time.

"Nothing is going on. Why are you here?" I questioned in an annoyed tone.

"I told you, I want to talk to you"

"And I told you to leave me alone, I guess we both aren't getting what we want today" Logan chuckled at what I said to Nate.

"Why are you with him Stella?" Nate looked at Logan, then back at me continuing with what he was saying whether I liked it or not. "I don't understand, you guys will never have what we have. Stella, he will use you and then throw you away like you were some piece of garbage. Sure he's friends with you now, but he'll push and push, until soon enough you'll fall for him, and you won't be able to get rid of those feelings. He'll play you, he'll pretend he loves you back and then he'll get in your pants cause that's what every guy around here wants to do and then he'll pretend it never happened. He only likes you for your body Stella, don't you see that? Don't be stupid Stel" did he just say that? Nate just made me so furious all the time, I wanted to punch him, again. I had to leave this conversation.

"Seriously? 'Don't be stupid'? Trust me, I don't make the same mistake twice Nate" I grabbed my gym bag and got up to leave. I stood beside Nate and stopped to look down at him. "Go to hell" I voiced calmly, but with an irritated tone, finishing the conversation. That felt good, but what he said didn't.

I walked away as I felt a tear welling up in my eye and wiped it before it could fall down my face. I considered what Nate said. Could it be true? I mean what Nate said, that's practically what he did to me. Last year he pretended to be my friend, then I loved him,  and then he threw me away like I was garbage. What if that's what Logan was doing and I just didn't see it. But Logan promised. He said that I could trust him and said he wouldn't do anything to hurt me. I started to feel tears running down my face. Now thanks to Nate, I don't know what to believe. I made my way down the hall and stopped in front of my locker. I opened it and leaned forward so the locker door would hide my tear-stained face and then I sobbed into my locker. I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned around to see the owner of the hand.

"Logan, what are you doing?" I inquired while I wiped the tears off my face.

"You don't believe Nate do you?" he answered my question with another question.

"I don't know what to believe right now, I just need some time."

"You know what? Take all the time you need" he voiced sounding irritated, then turned around and took a step to walk away, but then he turned back to face me. "Stella, I actually thought we were friends, I thought I could trust you and you could trust me, and that we had an understanding on that. But I guess if you believe Nate more than me, you really do need some time to get your priorities straight. I'm tired of you thinking that you're entitled to hurt anyone you want because they apparently do that to other people. Here's a news flash for you Stella, people get hurt and then they get over it, it's a part of life, it's a part of high school, and you need to realize that. You're so afraid of getting hurt by people, well guess what? You just hurt me." I didn't respond, I just saw a blurred vision of him walking away. He didn't call me Jones, he called me Stella which meant he was serious.

Maybe this was for the better. I mean sooner or later somebody was going to get hurt in our friendship and this proved it. He was right. I felt like because I was hurt by one person, I had the right to hurt other people just as much and what he said just made me realize it. I feel dumb and stupid for only realizing it now and I feel terrible that I didn't believe him. I just want him back.

Logan

This was for the better, although it took everything I had in me to not wipe her tears. I had this awful feeling every time she cried and I hated it. I had to walk away from that conversation before she could say anything. I felt awful for what I told her, I mean she did hurt me, a lot, but I was too harsh on her and it probably wasn't the right time to lay that down on her. I walked away and tried to find a girl to keep my mind occupied. Being with someone else was like wearing a band-aid; it never healed the wound, but it concealed just enough to not have to think about it all the time. Poetic right?

I found a girl and complimented her. That's usually all it took. Then she kissed me and I felt a flood of emotions, but I flushed them down and started kissing her back. My head was pounding which made me feel even more like shit. I broke the kiss and saw Stella a few feet away from me staring at me and the girl I was making out with. Just before I went back to kissing the girl I saw Stella wipe another tear from her face before she walked away and my heart sank in my chest. This was all for the best right?

As soon as I knew Stella was gone I broke the kiss again and separated us by pushing her off my body. I didn't even explain myself to the girl, I just had to leave this place and all its... glory. As I made my way down the hall, I punched a locker. I made a dent in it and everyone around me stared, but I didn't really care and I made my out the main doors of the school to go anywhere else but here.

I made my way to the parking lot and unlocked my car. I got in and just decided to drive to my favourite place. It's a place near my house; I found it when I first moved here. It's this place about a mile down the road from my house where these beautiful willow trees shade this bench in front of a lake. As lame as it sounds, it calms me. I got out of my car and sat down on the bench in front of the water. I liked that no one was ever there, it felt like my own place. I looked out to see the reflection of the sun on the ice of the frozen lake.

I wanted to not think, but all I could think about was what happened earlier. I don't know why I was hung up over this. Maybe because I thought Stella and I had a special type of friendship and I'm not talking about friends with benefits. I thought we could trust each other with anything, but I guess I'm stupid for thinking that. I still can't believe that she considered what Nate said to be true. I mean I'm a dick to most people, but that guy is on a whole other level. With Stella it's different; I'd never do anything to hurt her, and to think that she thought I would, it hurt me, and it scared me that it hurt me.

~

I woke up to go to school this morning, but I just didn't want to go and it's not like my mom was here to shove me out the door. I decided not to go, I didn't feel like seeing Stella and my fist and Nate's face was probably better off if I didn't go to school anyway.

I spent the day doing pretty much nothing; I haven't done that in a while. It was late at night and I hadn't checked my phone in a few hours. I saw text messages from Stella. She also left a few voicemails, but I deleted them before I even listened to them. I didn't text her back either. I knew if I did then she'd just start talking and I'd automatically forget she ever hurt me and I thought us not being friends was better for everyone. Not knowing her would've been better actually, but it's too late for that. I couldn't risk the chance of them finding Stella and her getting hurt. I cared about her too much to let that happen. Not being friends or anything else would be better for both of us, I wouldn't have to worry and she'd be safe.

That night I just laid in bed trying not to think about Stella, but she was all I could think about. I fucking hated this. This was not supposed to happen, I wasn't supposed to be friends with anyone, or like anyone, I mean that's what they told me anyway.

It was the next morning and I got up for school. Didn't go today either. I still didn't feel like being around people and I didn't care if I went or not.

I didn't touch my phone all day. I didn't think I could handle seeing messages from Stella. Or voicemails. Or anything to do with her.

It was around 8:00 and decided to work out. My abs didn't come naturally believe it or not. When I finished I went upstairs to take a shower. Once I finished I wrapped my lower half in a towel and wiped the mirror clean of the steam that fogged it up. I ran my hands through my wet hair and then made my way out of the bathroom and walked down the hallway to my room to change into some clothes. I stopped in the middle of the hallway when I heard a knock on the door downstairs. Was it them? I went into my room to grab my old baseball bat from when I was 14 and walked down the stairs with it in my hand.

I slowly made my way to the door to open it. I'll admit, I was practically shitting myself not knowing who's on the other side of that door. If it was who I thought it was I'd probably need more than a baseball bat, but it was too late to turn back.

I lifted my hand to twist he door knob while the other hand gripped the baseball bat. I slowly opened the door and brought my other hand to the bat, preparing to take a swing at whoever was on the other side of the door.

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