Present: April 15, 2018

"Rajma chawal ready, madam," the maid Kavita announces as she places the lunch on the table. She glances at me, trying to judge my mood. I groan internally. Everyone is walking on eggshells around me ever since he left. It just makes me want to scream into the air, scream at the world, scream the irritation around me. Everything adds up to the wrecked mess of a being I am.

I close my eyes, still feeling the angry cries I let out the night before in the bathroom ringing in my ears. The image of my naked body in the full - sized mirror still runs fresh in my mind's projector. My reflection: her eyes were a vial of blood, the bags underneath tired and heavy, her mouth was a tight knot - neither up nor down - and the lips were blue, there were marks running from her shoulders to her now slightly heavier breasts, veins slowly appearing from fatigue, the bottom of her stomach barely bulging - but bulging with life nonetheless - and her legs barely holding up. The metal of the towel railing she was holding onto was nippy as she tightened her white fingers around them and screamed at her reality. Her loud shrills pierced through the crisp air and entered my ears, raising goosebumps on my body. Her body was shaking like a house built on cards, ready to break down into a pile of nothing any waking moment.

I wouldn't want to be her. A small smile almost forms on my lips at the grounding irony.

"Madam, please eat. You look so tired," Kavita insists. I nod for the sake of acknowledgment. She wordlessly returns to the kitchen, leaving me alone at the dining table.

Loneliness. That's a completely new feeling for me. Whether the ones who surround me are here for the better or for the worse, I always did have people surrounding me. Ayansh has been here every single day since the accident. Just like he promised me.

The memory of that particular event is supposed to be faded. It is supposed to be a blur, for I was connected to machines that beeped relentlessly to keep me away from death. I had very little sense of consciousness. But still, that memory in the Intensive Care Ward of Mary's Memorial Hospital.

Flashback - August 4th, 2017

It was my third time coming back. My mind kept dragging me back and forth between reality and blurred visions of the past. I didn't know how true the 'reality' was behind my fuzzy vision and dimming senses, but somehow I did know that I was not dreaming. Because in all my dreams, I saw my mother. I was lying my head down on her thighs once, resting on her shoulders in the other, sit in front of her as she massaged my head softly the other time. She was there in all the visions. My dead mother gave me the warmth that I needed all my life in my dreams when my consciousness played with reality and imagination.

My mother died when I was seven. She was a hardworking, beautiful, kind woman who took so many blows from life and never once retaliated. Her retaliation was not doing anything to stop the thrashing life gave her. But at the end, she was dragged away by the hands of a monster called uterus cancer.

I do not remember much of her except that she worked hard, so hard that her hands were almost always bruised, her face always tired save for that smile she had for me and papa. The only distinct memories I had of her was that constant smile and the melodies she used to hum when she braided my hair or made me sleep. And they were the ones constantly played when I plug out from reality.

I didn't hear one such melody, so that must mean I was awake. By awake, I meant not feeling completely dead. My vision is completely dazed and all I saw was white light. I was weak, I was confused, and most importantly, I was afraid.

Suddenly, I felt a touch. A touch on my hand. I couldn't feel my own limbs or any sense around me, but this; this touch, I felt.

And then the voice was heard. "Hansika, this is Ayansh. You may not be listening to this, but if you are, I want you to know something."

The voice magnified my senses... It didn't feel familiar, but there was some sense of comfort in it. I'd only just heard his voice and I wanted to trust in it already. I wanted to see him too, put a face to the voice. But I couldn't sharpen my visions past the smudged boundaries of reality. I had no option but to listen carefully.

"You're safe, alright? You're safe with me, Hansika Chaturvedi. And I'll make sure you're always safe. I'll stay with you every minute I can and I'll make sure you're alright."

And that moment, a little part of my soul was sold to the owner of that voice. And this time, voluntarily.

A single tear slips past the alcove of my eye as Ayansh's voice rings through my ears. I realize how much I miss him, and how much I love him. And just how much I need to get him back.

I take the bowl of Rajma Chawal and immediately take a bite. Chewing aggressively, I eat the whole bowl. I need to get strong and I need to find him. Every bite of the food gives me a power drive.

Every bite gets me closer to him.

***

Lawyer Shilpa's office is a typical workspace. White walls, wooden desk, organized shelves, comfortable chairs. It seems just like a regular 9-5 job, but right now, Shilpa looks distressed with the phone calls she's handling and the sheets in front of her.

The thing is, Ayansh Mishra is famous. He's a young, rich businessman and that has more limelight than I thought. So, his sudden absence has been taken due note of, and it has been made a huge news. Yesterday, I received three calls from different magazines, newspapers, and channels to give an interview.

"You don't worry, Mrs. Mishra. Shilpa and I will take care of this," Jogi says, and I nod. I'm grateful for Jogi's presence. He has been very kind, always reassuring me and making sure I'm alright. He doesn't have to do anything because he has no relation to me except that I'm his boss's wife. But it is as they say: unexpected kindness is the most powerful, least costly and most underrated agent of human change.

Shilpa's receptionist comes into the office and looks at me. "There's someone in the lobby who wants to see you, Mrs. Mishra. She says she's a doctor and it's important."

Shilpa raises her head. "Do you have any doctor friends, Hansika?"

I shake my head. "Did she tell her name by any chance?"

"Yeah. Dr. Anita."

I immediately shoot up from my chair. The nerves in my calf muscles go haywire as my legs shake. She's here. She's here to expose me.

"Hansika? Are you okay?" Shilpa asks.

"I'm - I'm okay. I'll go talk to her myself." I pray they didn't notice the shakiness in my voice even though my own ears were enough witnesses to the jumping mess I am.

After scrutinizing me for a moment, Shilpa nods and I walk out of the room. As I push past the door, I see her seated. Rubbing my sweating palms against the fabric of my pants, I slowly walk towards her. Dr. Anita sees me and she stands up, her face already shooting daggers at me.

While I take my last few steps to her, she shouts, "What did you do to Ayansh?!"

I shush her in a flash as my heart beats twice as fast. Looking around for any witness, I sigh when I see no one. Grabbing her by her shoulders, I say, "Please, I beg you. Don't speak out loud."

"I've already gone through enough caving into your begging once, Hansika," her hushed whispers launch another dagger at me.

"Look, I didn't do anything to Ayansh. I wouldn't ever do him harm." My hands slip from her shoulders as my own slack.

"Don't play around, please. He's actually missing, it's all over the news. You promised me you would leave him within one week, and it's been eight freaking months. And he's not even here."

My breathing quickens with every word that spills out of her mouth.

"Please, don't expose me. Do me one last favor and always keep it between us, like you said."

She interrupts me. "Did you keep your promises? I only gave you my words because you told me you were in grave danger. And now Ayansh is actually in danger. I can't keep quiet anymore."

I join my hands and plead her as I bow myself in front of her. Tears flow from my eyes and fall on her feet. She flinches and takes a small step back.

"I know I broke your promises, but I had no choice. I was already married when I got treated by you and I had been diagnosed with Retrograde Amnesia. I didn't know how to get out of that. But it was a mistake continuing everything. I didn't know it would end up taking him from me, or from his own life. Trust me, I wouldn't have stayed had I known."

I grab her hand and my face falls on top of it as I pray to her, "Give me one last chance, Anita. I'll find him and get him back to his real life. A life I won't be a part of. And I promise this on myself and the little life growing inside me. Do not tell on me."

After what feels like hell to me, I finally hear Anita say, "Three days, Hansika. I give you three days to find him. Somehow, anyhow, find him and get him back to real life safely. Or else I'm reporting everything. Right from the afternoon of August 5."

I nod, wiping my tears and thanking her. The pit in my stomach gets heavier as I realize what I need to do.

The first of it is handling the fact that Ayansh may actually be abducted, and by him.

***