August 1, 2017

Hansika. My mind repeats the name again. Her name is Hansika Chaturvedi. That's how Madhuri introduced her during breakfast. Vinodh was badly hungover from the previous night and so the two women were waiting in the deserted lobby trying to find the manager, who was probably in his own cabin, hungover as well. That's when I saw them and took them to a nearby restaurant for breakfast.

Hansika is Madhuri's cousin. The little boy is Aayush, Madhuri and Vinodh's son. The four of them are on their way to Agra. I couldn't ask them anything else, for I can only ask what I can answer if I'm asked back. All through breakfast, I kept stealing glances at her. But she was always looking down, not once looking up to me. I can't decide if she just doesn't like my presence or if she's scared of me. It's not like either of them makes sense, I'll tell you that.

Time fleets by and breakfasts are soon over. The waiter comes with the bill and I insist on paying the bill, but Hansika cut me off by saying, "Thank you for the kindness, but I need to take my responsibilities on my own shoulders. Sorry." The table falls silent for the next minute. I stare at her face, trying to judge where the words came from, but it's difficult to do so because she's staring right back at me. Right into my eyes. There's a spark in her eyes. They're not a spark that induces disastrous vibes, they're not a forest fire. The spark in her eyes are those that entice me and long to know the truth behind them.

Madhuri tries to speak to her, but Hansika quickly takes the bill from my hand and pays for it. Madhuri looks at me and mouths a sorry, but I shake my head.

Smiling, I say, "I know a lot of people in my life who wouldn't even dare think about taking responsibilities on their shoulders. So much so that they'd do anything to get away from it. It's good to see someone who wants to suit up and take responsibilities."

Hansika looks down at the glass on the table as she smiles with a tight lip. "If there are people who really get away from it, then they're lucky. It isn't so easy to run away from life itself, is it?"

Those words pelt at my heart a little harder than I thought it would. I do have it easy, I realize. Images of my never-empty credit card, my classy Unicorn and the freedom ahead flash in my head and along with it the perspective of not having the options I  have with me right now. And I wonder what options Hansika had. In a little corner of my heart, I hope she has better ones, like the ones I had. She deserves it more.

"I hope you have a good life, Hansika." Our eyes lock once again as I see them widen. I smile and blink in reassurance. But she quickly drops the contact before excusing herself and leaving.

As she walks away, Madhuri turns to me and says, "I'm sorry about her attitude. She's been through a lot and it still getting over some bitter experiences in the past. So, please don't keep in mind what she said."

I shake my head. "She said nothing wrong. She said all the right things, in fact."

Madhuri flashes a knowing smile at me. "I had a feeling you'd understand. It was nice meeting you, Ayansh. You're a good guy."

"You're leaving?" I ask, not bothering to mask my shock.

"Yes, we just stayed the night. We're vacating at 10 AM."

I open my mouth and close it. Madhuri looks at me in confusion and I snap out of it and quickly reply, "Oh, that's good. Have a safe journey."

Madhuri smiles as she gets up from the table. Holding Ayush's hand in hers, she says, "Bye, Ayansh. Hope we meet again." With that, she walks away.

And for some strange reason, I have a feeling we would. 

***

I look at my room in the motel as I ponder on what do next. Hansika and the family left right after breakfast, and for some reason, I didn't want to follow them. I don't want to make Hansika feel uncomfortable or suspicious of me. And heaven knows why I don't want her to have such opinions of me. I just don't want to be a hindrance in her life. 

I know nothing of this woman, yet there is nothing more I want than to put her at ease. She has spoken just a few words to me, yet she already wants to make me be different. I smile just a little as I take my phone and go through my contacts. 'Ma' flashes up in an instant, and I almost tap on it. I still remember her face when she left my room the night before I came out of the house. She was just trying to talk to me, trying to make me feel better. But I hurt her by not speaking one word. Her face had this taut smile she was trying so hard to keep up and her eyes searched in mine just a little hint of what I wanted. But I could only think of myself.

All of that, I cannot repent with a phone call. I cannot repair all of that in a day. But now I know what I should've done long back. Scrolling past Ma's number, I tap on Jogindher's number. Jogindher is a loyal guy and he would have stayed with Ma all along to keep up with the business.

When he picks up the call, I say, "Jogi, hey.  It's me, Ayansh."

"A - Ayansh? Is this really - I swear if this is a prank!"

"It's really me, Jogindher. You know my number. You should have been tracking me."

"Mrs. Mishra has been so worried! What have you been doing away from home? We have all been waiting for you to return. Where are you now?"

"How's she?" The line falls silent for a second.

"Your mother worries for you every single day. She has taken over the company on your behalf and the stress here is too much for her. She handles it well on the outside, but do you know what she wants? She wants her son by her side."

Responsibilities. Mother's love and responsibilities.

"But guess what she said when I asked her if she's doing okay?"

My head perks up and I ask him what she replied. 

"She said that she can take over even a hundred companies if her son would just return. She just wants your presence, not a replacement for her shoulders. Please come back, Ayansh."

Gosh, what a fool I have been. I stranded my mother when she needed me. I thought I was needed as the heir of Mishras, but I was needed as her son. Just her son. And all of a sudden, I need her. I need her so much a tear slips out of my eye.

"I'll come back, Jogi. For Ma, I'll come back. Just give me a couple of days and don't tell Ma about it until then."

When I cut the call, I feel a little light - headed. A huge breath leaves my lungs. I'm coming back.

***

When the sun begins to set, I vacate from the room and set my journey back to Mumbai. But this time, there's no turning back. There's no lying about the pit in my stomach, but I know I'm not going to give in to them once again.

Mounting atop my Unicorn, I start riding it. The breeze kissing my face feels like a bid adieu. It has been a good journey, I wouldn't lie. Despite the circumstances under which I became a nomad, I got a taste of the kind of freedom I wanted to experience. And now, I'm going back to being tied down on my own consent. This is the best deal I can make for myself and the ones waiting for my return.

As I drive through the night, I feel the city of Pune fading and the outskirts of Mumbai coming in. The lights of the cities alone are in such contrasts. The highway I'm riding on is not as crowded as I hoped it would be. There are just a couple of cars on the road and they're all on the same speed as mine.

Suddenly, a red Alto 800 whoozes past me in top speed, swerving unsteadily. I know in just one second whose the car is. My heart stops for a second.

Why is Hansika's car advancing towards Mumbai? Didn't they say they were gonna go to Agra? And the rashness in the way the car is going makes me pulls the brakes and double over in fear.

Removing my helmet, I look for the car in the distance and see the wavering car, but it's going off track and into the shady rails on the side. Immediately getting back on the bike, I follow the car off the highway.

The rush of the car makes it hard for me to keep up but it is still in my eyesight. Stepping up the accelerator more, I try to calm my nerves as I chase the car. Unexpectedly, the car makes a sharp right turn and goes out of my sight. My heart stills as I take the turn, the wheels of my Unicorn screeching tireless.

And then, in one second, everything is over. My eyes see it all. The car crashed under a tree, crushed from the front and about to topple over any moment. I hit the brakes as everything stills around me. Throwing the bike off the ground, I run to the car, my knees one second away from doubling over.

Crouching down, I grab hold of the door and pull it with all my might, but there's someone inside pushing down on the lock with their whole body. Gritting my teeth, I pull it with all my might and when it gives up and the door opens, I fall on my back. Out of it falls Aayush, blacked out. His forehead has pieces of glass stuck to it and the bruises from it bleeding. His small lower body is stuck inside the car.

I get back on my knees and take his lifeless arms, trying to take his body out of the car. Taking huge breaths, I pull him with all my might, but with the pressure I put in, the car crashes on the ground. A loud thud rings in my ears.

"P - please!" I hear a barely-there voice. One of them is conscious.

"Vinodh? Madhuri? Hansika?" I shout their names. The only reply I get is a cough which sounds feminine.

"It's me. Ayansh. I'll take all of you out as soon as possible! Don't worry!"

"D - don't," I hear a clearer voice of Hansika this time. I drop Aayush's arm and crouch lower to see which of them is talking. My vision is too blurred and the darkness around makes it too hard to see inside.

"Aayush... His legs. nder the seat. Don't - don't pull him. The seat will topple - Vinodh - don't. Call 108 soon, please."

Slapping my hand on my forehead, I hurriedly run to the bike to take my phone from the backpack. Ripping the zip apart, I yank the phone out as a few items scatter on the ground. Punching the emergency number immediately, I press the phone as close to my ears as possible. My hands shake as I hold one of them with my other, the heat of the phone multiplying under the sweat on my face as the rings sending panics directly to my heart.

"Hello?" I say once they pick up. "There's a car accident here, please, send an ambulance. There's a kid and three adults here and the car crashes over a tree and we need an ambulance immediately."

"Sir, we need your identity and the location to provide proper services. Please tell us your name and where you are currently."

"Ayansh. My name is Ayansh Mishra. I'm calling from, uh, NH60 highway, about 30 kilometers near Mumbai. There's a car accident here where a car... Crashed against the trees of a side track a few metres away from the highway. Please send an ambulance as soon as possible!"

The woman on the line takes note and tells me the ambulance will be there soon. I throw my phone back on the bag and go kneel before the car again.

"Hansika? You there? I called for the ambulance," I say in a rushed tone.

When there's no reply, I say a little louder, "Hansika? Please stay with me! Stay awake... Just a little while!"

I shout her name once more when there's no reply. And in return, a hand slips out of the car window. The bangles in it clink against each other and the scratches are visible too. I hear one more cough and a slow voice.

"I'm - I'm here. Madhuri and Vinodh and Aayush... They're not," her silvery voice barely pushes out.

I grab her hand with both of mine and hold it firmly. "Stay with me, Hansika. Just breathe and stay with me. They'll be fine. You'll be fine. Just breathe."

In the faintest way possible, I feel a little squeeze from her hands. A small tear drop rolls down on my cheeks as I keep mumbling words of reassurance to her.

And, in every corner of my heart, I feel like the hand I'm holding now is going to be mine for quite a while, if not forever.

***