Today is not going to be a good day.

I can just feel it. The text message I received as soon as we landed back in Mumbai gave me that clear feeling. I'm not going to get back the pleasant mood of the tour now that I'm back to real life now.

Sighing to myself, I adjust my tie with the aid of my mirror as I check my reflection one last time. What I see on the other side is a man, a successful man. From the pristine polish of his shoes to the best set back of his hair, the man screams professionalism. I smile, marking how different my reflection and I look. On the exterior, we're one and the same. But my reflection fails to grasp the jittery vibes I have inside of me mixed with the always staying fears and a newly blossomed epiphany of knowing I'm going to be a father. My vision goes a little out of focus as I delve into the last line a little. 

Walking out of my room, I note that Hansika is already back at her pediatric clinic, unmindful of her condition. I can't stop her, though. She loves doing what she does and I can't stop her from her happiness. No one is allowed to do that.

I see my black Porsche Cayenne waiting for me as I quickly get inside. A quick notification vibrates the phone in my pocket as I retrieve the device and read it.

Come soon. I'm there.

Sighing mentally, I give the driver instructions to take me to the place I do not want to be at. But there are always circumstances where you have to do things you do not wish to because it's the way you were born and you owe it to that. There are always debts that cannot be repaid. These are the debts that get toxic to you.

The ride is quick as my mind occupies a glum space to give me company in my misery. Getting out of the plush vehicle, I ask my driver to wait for my call before heading into the Garware Clubhouse. A lady with red lipstick darker than blood greets me at the desk with her pearl white teeth flashing a huge smile and I already sense the sophisticated bogus around me.

"Mr. Mishra! It's been so long since you came here! I'm glad you chose to come back on a fine Thursday because we have so many new plans - "

"Sorry to interrupt," I say, raising a hand, "but I'm just here to meet my mother. Is she checked in? Tell me her whereabouts."

The lady makes a fish face as she punches a few things on her keyboard before looking back at me. "Mrs. Manasvi Mishra is waiting in the breakfast room. She checked in about twenty minutes ago."

I give her a crisp nod of thanks and head to the breakfast room where the entire clubhouse community spends too much time at. The polish sounds of my shoes against the pristine floor gives me authoritative attitude which I normally don't like because I know and have seen what it does to people, but today I'm going to need it.

For when I take one glance inside the breakfast room, I spot her. My mother, in her fifty-five-year-old glory.

"Ma," I call out as I reach to her table.

"Ayansh," she calmly addresses and motions for me to sit down in front of her. As soon as I'm seated, a server places a plate in front of me.

"It's your favorite breakfast sandwich here. I ordered it for you," she says as if we don't have a big barrier between us and we're the best mom and son pair in the world.

"Ma, I already had breakfast at home. I don't need this," I say.

She raises her eyebrows. "Oh. I thought... It's just 8 in the morning so I thought you'd like to - "

"You forget that I'm not a bachelor anymore, Ma."

She quickly closes her mouth. She opens it to say something, but then she closes again. "As long as she's feeding you well, Ayansh."

There it is. There's the kind of line I have been expecting for so long.

"What do you have against Hansika, Ma? Just, what is it? She did nothing wrong to you or me!" I start out, clearing seven months of pent-up frustration.

"What do I have against her? Oh, I'll tell you how all of this looks to me, Ayansh! She looks like a bloody gold digger and I didn't want you to get hurt so I said no to your relationship. But then you go against my word and get your own apartment and get your shares of the company you didn't care about two years ago back! And you expect me to believe she had nothing to do with this. Do you see how that just confirmed all my suspicions?"

I stand up, almost knocking my chair over as I throw my hands in the air. "For the last time ever, she is not a gold digger! I didn't think you of all people would think so crookedly, Ma. She has had a rough life and yet she trusted me and loved me back and brought me back to human when none of you in the family could. And this is how you treat her back?"

"Sit. Down." She says as I stay my foot, hands on my hips.

"Sit down right now if you respect your father and me," she says. My face stiffens. There is no need for her to bring dad into this but I respect him. So I take my seat back.

"You think I'm some villain, don't you? You say I don't treat her well, but did you treat me well? The world didn't go black just for you when your father died, Ayansh. Two years ago, I had a different world too. I didn't know Neeraj would pass away leaving me stranded. I didn't know you would run away from all the responsibilities about to be on your shoulders. He's happy up there now and you have a good life now. What about me? Did either of you think of me? I stepped up in the company and held it high above the waters of mortgage and debts. I fought off all rival companies, I made sure to have Neeraj's money go equally to all departments and to your account for wherever you are, I lost myself saving the family. Then you come back home, eight months ago. You say you're fine now. That you're back to normal. That you have a wife! Am I just supposed to welcome you with garlands of roses?

"Even then, I try to be a little positive and ask her who she is. But you get hella defensive and come tell me that the girl has amnesia! She does not remember a spick of her past. And you keep me away from her as much as you can. You buy a new apartment, get back to business and whatnot. Where am I now? What did I get out of this?"

A deep unsettling feeling riles up inside me but my anxiety kicks in as my limbs shake.

"I was never loved since Neeraj left. How am I supposed to believe in the love of a girl who can't even recognize herself?" She asks, a single tear leaving her cheeks.

"Ma," my shaky hand reaches to wipe her tear but she swats my hand away.

"I thought you'd come here with a better mindset, Ayansh. But turns out you don't. I just called you here to let you know that I'm completely transferring all my shares over to you. I'm officially done with the company and with the life, you kicked me out of. But any time you want me to, I'll be here as your mother. I will be here waiting for your love even though I don't think I'll ever get it. You're free to leave now."

With that, she gets up and leaves. Tears stand still in my eyes as I realize what I've let go of. And I wonder if the price I retained by which I let go of the woman who gave birth to me is worth it.

***