It's the end of the season, and Alex's wedding day. (this follows the last chapter before the epilogue)

Love is a smoke raised with the fume of sighs,
being purged, a fire sparkling in lovers' eyes,
being vexed, a sea nourished with lovers' tears.
What is it else? A madness most discreet,
a choking gall and a preserving sweet.
-- william shakespeare
romeo and juliet | act 1, scene 1

It's happening.

It's happening.

It's happening.

I'm repeating those words to myself as I sit in a car with Bri and Nick, as we head to Lex's wedding. Lex. That's what I've always called him. I look at Brittany and I can see all her anxious thoughts written on her face.

Are you sure you want to do this?

You really don't have to, Jo.

He doesn't deserve you.

He never did.

You shouldn't have to put yourself through this.

She doesn't know him the way I do. And as we walk towards the church, I question my resolve, my decision, if I really want to see the man that fucked me barely a couple of hours ago, get married.

Can I really do this?

Do I really want to see him put a ring on another woman's finger?

Do I really want to see him being proclaimed husband to another woman?

Do I really want to watch him kiss another woman with those same lips that sucked on my clit just a couple of hours ago?

Do I really want to watch him rip my heart open and toss it at my feet?

Yes. Yes I want to. I want to punish my heart, I want to punish it for falling in love with Alexander Mateo Hidalgo III. I want to punish my heart for making me make the most foolish decisions, and my body for submitting to him whenever he came.

I want to.

I want to rip my heart out and split it in half.

The wedding parade begins and we all walk into the church, family, hockey teammates, close friends and Alex's weird family. We're sitting in line, and I'm right next to Brittany and Nick.

And then I see him, and my eyes are fixed on him, unable to look away. His face stoic as ever, but handsome and irresistible as ever. He's dressed in a very expensive tux. I know that because I picked it for him, and I even sent it with a note, one of his favorite quotes from the literary legend, William Shakespeare.

It is the stars, the stars above us, govern our conditions.
-- william shakespeare
king lear | act 4, scene 3

He did send a note back, one that had me broken in tears.

This is the very ecstasy of love.
-- william shakespeare
hamlet | act 2, scene 1

But I will never let him know that I cry for him. I cry for his heart. I cry for the little boy abandoned by his father at birth, I cry for the teenage boy who picked up hockey as a hobby and then went on to fall in love with it, I cry for the man who kissed me with so much fire and let me feel the scars underneath his clothes, I cry for the man to chased after me like I was his ultimate jackpot and fucked me like his whore when he finally had me at his finger tips.

He will never know how much I cry in secret.

Ever. 

"Hey, you okay, you spaced out for a second there," Brittany whispers and I nod and face her with a smile.

"I'm fine," I try assuring her, but I fail because she sighs deeply. Nick joins their fingers together, and I smile to myself, because I'm happy they finally found each other and are together, in love.

And then the bride begins walking down the aisle with a man I suppose to be her father, and just like a reflex, Alex's jaw tightens, and I'm surprised it doesn't snap in half. All the color drains from his face when his eyes meet mine.

He wasn't expecting me to be here.

Hudson comes to sit by my side, his eyes bearing a question in them, and I nod. He sighs, because he knows I'm not okay, but he also knows I do a great job at hiding my true feelings.

But not with him.

He sees through me like a mirror.

He knows when I'm sad.

He knows when I'm happy.

One look at me and he knows how I feel.

And as I look at him right now, I'm not entirely sure what he is thinking.

But I think I want to know.

The bride reaches the altar and her father hands her to Alex, who is frozen for a bit, before he takes her hand and they face the priest.

He goes over the process, and then he gets to the "speak now or forever hold your peace" part, and Alex's eyes clash with mine.

I think I'll forever hold my peace.

I think I'll move on, or at least try to.

I think I'll pretend I'm happy, until he's ready to give me all of himself.

So I don't move, I look away, as the priest commands them to kiss. But my stupid eyes still want to see. He kisses like her lips are on fire, and her body, acid. He retreats, his face stoic as the priest congratulates the "newly wedded couple". The words burn in my throat.

I excuse myself, and I walk to the restrooms without letting anyone question me, but I still feel his eyes on my back, staring at me. And I wish he doesn't follow, I wish he'd let me cry in peace.

I'm close to the restrooms when a hand grabs me, a very familiar tattooed hand, a hand that gave me warmth and a tiny bit of peace, a hand that now gives me pain and tears.

He lifts me off my feet, his long strides heading to the restrooms, where he locks the door behind me and sits me on the sink. He caresses my arms with his palms, and tilts my face to his. His longing gaze sweeps my face, and small tears leave my eyelids, the swollen drops staring at his face.

"Love is a familiar. Love is a devil. There is no evil angel but love," he whispers against my lips, which are currently burning to kiss him.

"william shakespeare, love's labour's lost, act 1, scene 2," I whimper, as he kisses my forehead and turns on his heels.

"This is not the end of us, we will meet again."

Alex and Jodie will return in A Burn Like This......