Vulnerable.

Capable of being wounded or hurt.

How did I get here?

Two nights ago I kissed Nick. And when I did, I felt something I have never felt before.

Passion, mixed with need and droplets of intense affection.

Zayn. Somehow he keeps doing this to us. The first time I felt something with Nick, it was at a bar too, where his LIKE I WOULD played. Two nights ago, it was fOoL fOr YoU. Every word in that damn song was written in Nick's eyes. I could see it. You know the craziest part of all this? I was nervous. It was like I was Lily all over again. That small, fragile, scared, asthma girl. He makes me feel like Lily, and I can't understand why.

I was in Canada for two weeks and I couldn't visit my mom at the gravesite as usual. I remember Nick asking if he could book a last minute flight for me to see her. If only he knew how bad things were before she passed, how she resented me after Rose's death, how she treated me like a ghost. It's funny really. This were okay between us at first, we talked about everything, but as time went on, her real self was revealed. I remember what it was like, finding out from Dad that Mom didn't want twins. You know what stings the most? Today is her death anniversary.

"I don't hate you Lily, I just love your sister more," I remember Mom saying one night I pretended to be asleep. That hurt like hell.

I miss my mom. I really do. I don't resent her as I should have. I'm here because I wish she loved me, I'm here because she can't hate me in her death. Sometimes I feel I made her this way, sometimes I feel that Mom would be a good person if I hadn't been born. Did I go to therapy after all this? Yes. But I couldn't say anything to anyone, and I gave up after three sessions.

I'm at the gravesite, a couple of meters away from my mother when I see someone that halts my steps.

Doctor Ava Stones.

Nick's mother.

What the hell?

It's even worse because she has white roses in her hands, and she kneeling at my mother's grave. Her eyes are cloudy, lost and deep in thought. Back at the Celebration dinner, she mentioned something about a best friend, Jessica. I thought about it for a while, about Jessica being my mom's name, but I shoved it down. But seeing Ava here brings a shit ton of questions. Her teary eyes give away everything, she knew my mother.

Ava Stones stands to her feet, dropping the flowers and cleaning her eyes. I'm about to dash away but our eyes meet. There's no way I'm walking out of this. I walk towards her, and we share a heated silence.

"Who did you lose?" I find myself asking.

"My best friend, it's been years and now is the first time I'm coming to see her," Her eyes are heavy with tears when our eyes meet again. "I'm a bad friend,"

I don't know what happened between them but I'm tempted to tell her that she's not, that my mother was the problem, and that she has no reason to feel guilty, but my tongue is locked.

"Who did you lose?" She asks me, staring at the white roses in my hands.

"I just take pleasure in visiting the dead, I just do it, I don't know why," I lie, my throat bobbing at the untrue words. Even Nick's mother seems familiar to me. But I can't place her anywhere in my memory. After the accident that killed Rose, I had gaps in my memory, I spent months in the hospital before I got back on my feet. And I'm still having those gaps. Sometimes I'm grateful for them, sometimes I'm happy that I'm not able to remember everything, that happy parts of my life. Because if there's one thing I know about happiness, it's that fact that it leaves you sadder than you were before it came in.

"Nick talks about you a lot," her face brightens. "On the phone, all the time,"

"He does?" My voice comes out as a squeak.

"It's been a long time since I saw him this way about a girl," She smiles more. "Need a ride back?" She asks.

"It's okay Doc, I'm cool," I smile at her.

"Okay, take care," She gives me a warm smile and leaves.

When she's gone, I kneel at my mother's grave and a tear rolls down my cheeks. I want to hate her, I want to, but I can't..... she's my mother anyway.

My phone beeps and it's a long line of texts from Nick. And a voice note.

❝Hey, this is going to sound stupid but I just wanted to let you know that I'm here for you and that I care about you and that you left your inhaler here and I want to be there with you—— shoot, there's so many ands. What I'm trying to say is that I'm here if you need me—— I'm here.❞

I smile at his voice note to me, and I text back a couple of replies, which he reacts to immediately. It's almost like he was holding his phone, waiting for me to reply him.

I stand, with one last look at my mother's grave before I finally walk away.

◈◆◆◆◆◈◆◆◆◆◈

The week runs by fast. I spend most of it sending so many audition videos to several modelling agencies hoping to get hired and fucking Nick's magic cock. So far, the boys have won their two Preseason games and I am officially a hockey fan. By Friday, I'm exhausted and staring at the stove while Jodie makes dinner. That's how hungry I am.

"Hovering actually speeds up the process, you know," Jodie teases and I tear my gaze away from the stove, chuckling to myself.

"Sorry, I just miss home cooked meals," I laugh and she snorts.

"Go to your boyfriend's then, I hear he cooks," Jodie winks and I roll my eyes.

"He's not my boyfriend, Jodie, we're fucking, great fuck,"

"Nick does seem a lot familiar don't you think?" A playful smirk plays across her lips and I raise a brow. "Sorry, don't mind me, just saying foolish things," She laughs. "But the sex has to be so damn good for you to be having it all the time,"

"Of course it's good," I smile to myself remembering this morning. I almost didn't want to leave him. "maybe we should stay in bed and fuck some more" was what I told him and he'd laughed, pinned me to the bed and fucked me again........and again. "He's got that magic cock thingy going on," more smiling.

"You and Alex?" I ask Jodie and her face darkens. Well, shit.

"What about?" She faces the stove again, ignoring me.

"Come on, Jo.....I know he came here, what happened?" Her shoulders drop. "Oh my God, Jodie?"

"I know, I feel so fucking cheap, I know, dammit," Her voice breaks. "It's just——" She sighs. "I don't want to talk about him, please," her voice shatters. "Can you do that for me?"

"Yeah, I can, and I'm here if you need anything,"

"Well, too bad I can't have what I need," she swallows and I part of me feels like matching down to Alex's house and giving him a piece of my mind. "And no, I know that look, you're not going over to his place to yell at him," She gives me a warning look. Yes, she knows me too damn well.

Jodie sets all the pancakes on the plates. Thirty minutes later, we're full of pancakes and binge watching Sex/Life. Well, I'm not really watching Sex/Life, I'm watching Jodie. We've been best friends for a long time, even before Nadia, and I've never seen her look so heartbroken over a guy. Worst part is, I can't do anything to help, she won't let me. She falls asleep at the end of episode two and I turn off the TV, making a mental note to come back to it as I help her to her room. I'm done tucking her in when I my phone beeps, and for some crazy reason I smile to myself.

I'm giddy until I get to my room. When I'm settled in bed, one glance at Nick's message makes me smile.

Of course I wanna FaceTime.

I'm typing my response when his facetime request comes in and I answer immediately.

"Hey crazy," his sleepy voice make my cheeks redden and my heart flip.

"Hey you," I attempt to sound unaffected but my voice fails me. "How was your day?"

"I called to ask you that," He sighs and I hear the rustle of sheets. "Zac come on," I hear him mutter, followed by a small bark. "Zac, this isn't funny—— crazy give me a second," Zac whines in the background and I chuckle to myself. "There you go, you comfortable?" He asks Zac and then I hear nothing. "Right," He sighs, facing me. "Sorry, he's being extra clingy today,"

"And you're always there for him," I point out and he chuckles, it's kind of a pained sound.

"Not as the season starts, I'm going to be out and about and he's going to be stuck with housekeepers and then get sick again, he does that when he misses me," He sighs.

"Jodie and I can watch him, or Tyler and Justin, if you'd like," I offer and he smiles.

"Why is that really sweet?" He smiles, it's so beautiful that my smile appears on autopilot.

"I don't know, you tell me," I bite my lip and he releases a strained sigh.

"Brittany," he draws my name in a frustrated sigh and I chuckle. "How was your day?" He asks instead.

"I'm currently waiting for an email from any of the modelling agencies I send auditions to," I sigh.

"They'd be stupid not to call you back, you are one insanely beautiful human, in and out," our eyes lock for a second and a shy smile plays across my lips. "don't go all shy on me, I know what I'm saying, and I know you do too,"

"Thank you,"

"Don't do that,"

We both sigh, sinking further into the bed.

"I wish you were here," the words tumble out of my mouth before I have a chance to filter them.

"Same here Babe, I wish you were here too," he draws and I pretend that my heart doesn't flutter at the way he calls me Babe, uncontrollably. "And not because I want to be inside you, but because I want to cuddle with you, and talk about stuff, life,"

"Nick——"

"Relax, Crazy, didn't say I wanted to marry you," He chuckles nervously.

"I'm sorry, I——"

"It's okay, no rush, I'm a patient man," He smiles and that eases my heart. "I had this best friend when I was a kid, and her favorite saying was "good things come to those who wait"," He sighs, "I can wait for you, for as long as possible,"

"Nick——"

"Shhh...... right now, kissing you is all I'm thinking about, and I need you to think about that too,"

My mind obeys, and with eyes locked on his, I think about the way he kisses. It's like magic. It so amazing that I don't want him to stop, I want him to eat me whole, to kiss me like a man denied of his meal, to call me his, to leave a mark on my hungry lips. He kisses even better than all those Disney princes I read about as a kid, he's more than just any prince charming a girl could ever wish for, ever dream of.  Some days I fear that this is all a dream, and that I'm going to wake up to a miserable life, but it's not, it's fucking reality. Kissing him is like the way the rose kisses the butterfly and the way the morning due kisses the grass. And Dad was right, the most beautiful things in life can't be seen, but must be felt with the heart.

"Feel that?" He asks, his voice comes out throaty.

"Yeah," I answer breathlessly.

"I um, I have an early flight tomorrow to Chicago, I need to sleep," He sighs and I nod wordlessly.

"I doubt you'll be getting any sleep," the words slip out of my mouth again.

"Yeah, you too," He chuckles. "Night, crazy,"

"Night," I smile before the facetime screen disappears.

I can feel his lips on mine before sleep bids my eyelids shut.

Thank you so so so much for 66K!!!

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Xoxo, Mira♡