chapter six

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Lourdes was terrified.

In the middle of dancing with Rashir, she glanced up and made eye contact with one of her ex's best friend's, Aaron Garcia.

Myles Castillo was a junior at UMD that she dated from the start of her freshman year to the middle of sophomore year. He was incredibly sweet at first and she quickly fell in love with him, but a couple of months into their relationship he turned into a physically and emotionally abusive individual. Anytime he had a minor issue with something that she did, he would degrade her calling her all sorts of whores, sluts, etc. She rarely talked back, but when she did she took a beating and she quickly learned not to defy him. She was able to keep the abuse a secret for some time until Nala came home to him slapping the absolute dog-shit out of her and forced her to call the police. The police did almost nothing and the next morning he beat Lourdes to a pulp, landing her in the emergency room.

Then she was able to file assault charges against him, which he was convicted of and sentenced to 7 years in prison. Last she heard, all of his friends transferred to Georgetown, which was in D.C and she hadn't seen any of them since, so she was confused and freaking out at the fact that she was in the same building as one of them.

Myles was the reason that Lourdes wasn't emotionally stable enough to have a relationship with anyone. She would rather have quick hookups with no strings attached so she didn't have to deal with any sort of feelings.

"Lo, what happened?" She looked up to try and figure out who was talking but everything was fuzzy. "Lo? Lourdes!-" She heard yelling but she couldn't recognize any voices. "She's having a panic attack, Aaliyah get the car." She was confused, was she actually having a panic attack? She hadn't had one since last year, she thought that they had stopped for good. She sat up from her fetal position on the floor and tried to remember things her old therapist would tell her about how to calm down during a panic attack.

"Just breathe and close your eyes, try to focus on your surroundings." She took deep breaths and closed her eyes to count to 10. "1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10". She was starting to feel better so she opened her eyes and Nala was staring back at her with deep concern.

"Lo? Can you hear me, babe?" Nala reached out to touch her but Lourdes flinched. "It's okay Lo, can you tell me 5 things that you see?" She gulped and nodded.

"Um, you...the grass, the sky, that streetlamp, Gianna, and my rings." She examined her hand and touched her rings to try and bring herself back to reality. She pinched the skin on the back of her hand but stopped when it began to hurt.

"That's good, can you stand up for me?" Nala asked her and she nodded. Gianna and Nala came on either side of her and helped her to a standing position. "Aaliyah's getting the car okay? We're gonna go to Gianna's house because it's closer, is that okay?" She asked and Lourdes nodded again, she didn't feel like speaking.

The party was still in full swing and she looked back at the house in fear, Aaron was still in there and she didn't know why. She began to panic again, dry heaving and putting her hands on her knees. "It's okay, Lourdes just breathe-" She felt Nala rub her back in a soothing manner. "Jesus, where the fuck is Aaliyah, tell her to hurry up." Nala snapped at Gianna who was calling Aaliyah to ask her how far she was.

5 minutes later, Aaliyah pulled up in Gianna's car and the girls assisted Lourdes into getting in the backseat. The car ride to Gianna's was silent except for the radio playing softly in the background, no one wanted to disturb Lourdes who was asleep in the backseat.

When they arrived at Gianna's house Nala gently shook Lourdes to wake her up. "Lo, we're here babe. C'mon, let's get you in bed." She gave Lourdes her hand and pulled her out of the car. The front door was already open for them since Aaliyah and Gianna were already inside, so Nala brought her to one of the guest bedrooms and placed her on the bed. She took off her shoes for her and disappeared down the hallway for a minute before coming back with some makeup remover and cotton rounds.

"You gotta stay still for me okay?" She said as she wiped the makeup off of Lourdes's face and started to hum a song as Lourdes began drifting off to sleep. Nala finished removing her makeup and told her she could lie down and Lourdes gladly obliged, falling into a deep sleep.

It was the next morning and Lourdes was still asleep when her phone began to ring, waking her up. She groaned and rolled over to answer her phone which was on the nightstand. She glanced at the time and saw that it was 7 in the morning, who was calling her this early?

She answered the phone and muttered a "Hello?".

"Lourdes? Can you take my shift for today? I have to go back home for something." The person on the other end asked her. She was confused until she looked at the caller ID and realized it was Genesis that was calling her. Sighing, she considered it. She had class at 9:30 and 2 but she needed the money.

"What time is your shift?" She asked Genesis and she told her it was from 5-9. "Yeah, that's fine...okay bye." She hung up and flopped back on the bed, exhausted from the night before. Her hangover was beginning to form and her head was pounding. She got out of the bed and walked to the kitchen to grab some water and aspirin. While opening the cabinet she heard footsteps coming from the living room and turned around when she sensed a presence behind her.

Aaliyah stood behind her with an expression that she didn't like, pity. Lourdes hated when people pitied her, she didn't like to talk about her trauma and she hated opening up to people, even her best friends. She remembered having a panic attack last night but she didn't feel like discussing it with Aaliyah so she gave her a tight-lipped smile and walked past her to go back to the bedroom. She ignored Aaliyah's hurt expression and went on her phone so she could get an uber back to their apartment. It was now 7:26 and she still had to go back to the apartment, shower, and change her clothes before going to her Women's Studies class.

After a couple of minutes, her uber driver messaged her to let her know they were there and she walked to the front of the house. "Lourdes? Where are you going?" She stopped in her tracks when she heard Aaliyah's voice behind her.

"I have class soon and I have to work after that, don't wait up for me," She told her and turned back around, not waiting for a response, and exited the house. She got into the uber and went on her phone as they drove back to her apartment. She replied to a couple of texts and scrolled on Twitter for a while until they pulled up to her apartment. She thanked the driver and opened the building's doors, heading towards the elevator. When she finally got to her floor, she waited for the elevator doors to open and walked to her apartment.

She unlocked the door and threw keys down on the couch before taking her shoes off and taking a deep breath, it was 8:13 and she had to leave for class at 9. She turned around to check and make sure if the door was locked, still paranoid, and was satisfied when she saw it was.

She made her way to the bathroom and turned on the water as she undressed and took in her appearance. Her hair was disheveled and she looked exhausted. The bags under her eyes were as dark as ever and she silently thanked Nala for taking off her makeup the night before so she didn't have any pimples. She grabbed her phone from the counter and shuffled her playlist. Her phone started to play "Higher" by Rihanna as she stepped in the piping hot water and she felt her eyes water a little bit. She was tired and scared.

She was terrified that Myles would pop up on her somewhere and finish what he started a year ago. She began to cry as the song changed to "From Time" by Drake and she closed her eyes, letting the water hit her. She was starting to remember things that she had tried desperately to forget and she was shivering, even in the burning water. She picked up her soap and began to scrub her body, trying to get rid of the horrible memories that were being brought up and scrubbed until her skin started to hurt. She quickly washed her face and turned off the water, stepping out and drying herself off. She walked to her room and went in her closet, pulling out a graphic tee, biker shorts, and Air Forces . She didn't feel like putting on any makeup so she just put on some lip gloss and put her hair in a bun. She grabbed her purse and left her apartment, making her way down to the parking garage. She unlocked her car and checked to see if anyone was watching her.

After she scanned the area, she got into her car and drove away, making her way to campus. She didn't want to play any music so she rode in silence, all the way to campus and didn't check her phone until she parked. She saw that the group chat was asking if she was okay but she ignored them and walked into her class, with 2 minutes to spare. She gave Professor Magaline a cocky smile and made her way to her seat from last class, relieved when she saw Mateo wasn't sitting next to her.

When she had talked to him at the mall, they discussed the project but they hadn't talked about when they would work on it next and Lourdes didn't want to go to his house to work on it, since she didn't want to encounter Rashir. She planned to avoid him for as long as possible until she was forced to talk to him. She was beyond embarrassed that she had twerked on him at the party and doubly embarrassed that she ran out on him with no explanation whatsoever. She cringed as she remembered the details and was grateful when Professor Magaline began the lecture.

15 minutes into her talking, the door to the hall creaked open and Mateo walked in with an annoyed expression on his face. Professor Magaline didn't say anything to him but she glared at his retreating back as he made his way to his seat. Lourdes internally groaned as he sat next to her and didn't make an effort to speak to him. He glanced at her a couple of times but gave up when he realized she wasn't going to say anything to him.

When the lecture ended, she stood up, making a move to run out but was stopped when she felt a hand on her shoulder. "Not so fast little one, we need to work on the project. I'm not failing this class because of your personal issues." He grunted out and she sighed. She assumed Rashir had told him about her dramatic exit from last night and winced at the embarrassment of it all.

"Fine, but can we work on it at my house this time?" She asked him and he shook his head.

"No, let's work on it tonight at 9." He said and she scowled at him. She didn't want to go to his house and face Rashir, who she knew would be there, considering he lived there for Christ's sake.

"10." She replied and he nodded, she had work from 5-9. She gave him one last scowl and walked out of the lecture hall but completely halted when she spotted Rashir, waiting for Mateo in the hallway. "Shit," She muttered and looked around for an exit. He was talking to Nico so he hadn't noticed her yet but when he glanced up for a split second, their eyes connected. Her eyes widened as he began to make his way over to her so she did what any logical person would do, she made a run for it.

"Hold up!" She heard Rashir yell behind her but she kept on running until she was completely out of the building. She ignored the weird looks she was getting from people and speed-walked to her car, checking to make sure Rashir wasn't following her.

When she was sure that he had left her alone she got into her car and locked the doors, plugging her phone into the aux and playing "Body" by Summer Walker. She looked at the clock on her dashboard, which said it was 10:24. She had a couple of hours before her next class and she didn't want to go home to be questioned by Nala and Aaliyah, but she knew she had nowhere else to go, so she chose to suck it up and just go home and nap.

She drove home and quickly made her way to the elevator, taking it to her apartment floor. She checked if they had gotten any mail and decided to stop stalling. She unlocked the door and froze when she found Gianna, Nala, and Aaliyah sitting on the couches and looking back at her. "Am I interrupting something?" She asked and raised her eyebrow. She was almost certain they were talking about her before she walked in.

They looked at each other and Aaliyah sighed before speaking, "Come sit down Lourdes," She patted the seat next to her.

"Um, I'm good. I'm gonna go take a nap." She looked at them weirdly and took off her shoes.

"Just come sit down," Gianna said to her.

"I said I'm-"

"Sit the fuck down Lourdes." Nala looked at her, annoyed.

"Pardon?" She looked at her in confusion, why was she cussing at her?

"You heard me," Nala pursed her lips at her and crossed her arms.

Lourdes sucked her teeth and placed her purse on the counter with the rest of the mail. She slowly made her way to the couch Aaliyah was sitting on since she was annoyed with her the least at the moment. "What?" She asked when she sat down and looked at them.

Nala scoffed and looked at her incredulously, "You are aware that you had a panic attack last night, correct?" She asked her.

"Yes." Lourdes responded.

"Care to explain why?" Nala tilted her head and stared at her, waiting for an answer.

"No." Lourdes answered.

"Lourdes," Aaliyah scolded.

"I said I don't want to fucking talk about it, can I go take a nap now? I'm tired." She rolled her eyes, annoyed with their antics. She had expressed that she did not want to talk about it, so why were they pushing?

"Alright Lo, but you know we're here for you whenever you're ready." Aaliyah smiled at her and she nodded. They both knew that she wasn't going to open up anytime soon but it felt nice to know that she had people that would listen if she wanted to. She stood up and walked into her bedroom, tired and in desperate need of a nap. She collapsed on her bed and got onto her covers, setting her alarm for 1:15.

The diner wasn't very busy, it was a Tuesday evening and still pretty hot. Lourdes was bored, Genesis wasn't here and Hakeem was helping Ohagi with cooking, so she was pretty much alone for the night. She was the only one serving and barely anyone was coming in so she was just on her phone, waiting for the shift to end. The nap she had didn't do much to energize her, she kept getting flashbacks and she ended up just watching something on Netflix until it was time for her to leave for class. She was irritated since she wasn't running on much sleep and she still had to go to Mateo's house after to work on the stupid ass project.

She contemplated canceling but she didn't want him to think that she was canceling because of Rashir, so she had no choice but to go to their house. She only had 30 minutes left of her shift and she inwardly groaned when a guy that looked her age sat down outside. She sighed and put on a fake smile, and made her way to the table. Hopefully, the man wouldn't take too long so she could clock out on time. "Welcome to Steak 'n Egg, can I get you started with something to drink?" She asked the man, pulling out her notepad.

"Can I get a water?" He said and she nodded while writing it down.

"Anything else?" She asked.

"Yeah, I already know what I want lemme get the Philly steak and eggs." He pointed at the menu and she nodded once more.

"Great, I'll take that for you-" She grabbed the menu and put her notepad back in her apron. "That should be out soon," She told him and turned around. As she walked back into the building she felt his eyes on her ass but she ignored it and told Ohagi his order.

Before she knew it, the guy had left and it was time for her to clock out. She wrote her name and time on the sheet and grabbed her stuff from the back. As she was walking to her car, she felt like someone was following her but she wrote it off as her being paranoid.

She looked over her shoulder and when she didn't see anything, she opened her car door and got inside. She immediately locked her doors and started the engine, eager to get out of the neighborhood, and drove to Mateo's house. She was ready to get the project over with.

lourdes's outfit:

hello everyone! sorry for not uploading for a couple days but i'm back! how do we feel about this chapter? is lourdes in the wrong for ignoring her friends? don't forget to vote and comment!

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