Chapter 18

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"So.... How are things with you?"

I freeze momentarily at Eva's question, inwardly groaning at the immediate guilt I feel, knowing there are so many things I'm not telling her.

"It's alright." My suspicion also grows, knowing she wouldn't ask that unless something was up. "Is something up with you?"

I lean back on the air mattress, while she seems to be mulling over her answer.

"I'm fine, it's just..."

"Spit it out Eva, Christ." She'd been on the edge of saying something the whole conversation but had yet to say what it was.

"I think there's something going on with my dad."

There it was. I close my eyes, trying to plan my answer. Luke and I had talked this through, and I knew that I could avoid it and feel less guilty up until the point she started suspecting something with either myself or him. And now that time was here and it felt worse than I could have imagined.

"Have you noticed anything different with him?"

"I haven't seen him in a bit," I wince at the slightly exaggerated half-truth. "but he promises to help me with some design choices for the house, so I'll fish around and see if I notice anything."

She was silent for a moment too long, and the panic began to set in. Was it weird I had asked him? Would she be able to see through the excuse? I scrambled for something to make it sound better.

"Actually.." I tried to let out a small laugh, but it came out hoarse and more bark like to my ears. "Now that I've said it out loud, it's a bit embarrassing that your dad is the only one around I have to ask for opinions."  I wait, hoping it worked.

She immediately laughs, and I sigh, relieved for the moment. "I know you think he's easy on the eyes, so don't act like it's THAT bad for you."

"Eva!!" My face flames red, as the object of our discussion comes through the front door. I sit up, holding a finger to my lips as he looks at me, eyebrows raised.

"Eva." I mouth, and then sink once again as the guilt comes back. Who said forbidden and secretive was fun?

"Don't tease me about that, I would've thought you got that out of your system by now."

"Never!" She giggles again, and then huffs. "I know something is up though, and he doesn't usually keep things from me, so it must be something big."

I listen to her and watch as he comes to me, leaning down to place a small kiss to the top of my head, motioning he was heading upstairs to take a shower. I nod silently.

"He is a grown man, ya know." I fidget, my free hand grasping the blanket next to me, knowing I'm treading slightly dangerous ground here. "Maybe it's just something he doesn't feel obligated to share with his daughter."

She groans loudly. "I know he doesn't have to tell me, but he always has before, which is why it's driving me crazy!"

"Eva.." I pause, hearing the commotion on the other end of the line, unable to make out the words, but hearing a lot of noise from whoever had come in her room.

"What?!" I jump at Eva's sudden shout. "No I swore it wasn't due until next week!" I listen closely and hear more muffled words through the speaker. "Fuck my life!" I hear shuffling and Eva groaning again, loudly. "I've got to go, Manny. There's a huge assignment due tomorrow, we got the wrong fucking due date down for it, and I haven't even started. I'll talk to you later!" There's a brief pause as I hear what I'm assuming is her gathering her things. "Don't forget to quiz my dad for me! Love you bye!"

Before I can respond the call has ended and I lower the phone to the bed. Im slightly amused at her situation, knowing all too well the sudden pit in your stomach her situation makes.

The humor I feel quickly leaves, the guilt taking its place. I roll over and frown into the pillow. Why can't I tell her? What do I think would happen? Eva has never shown anything but unwavering support to me, and now I'm spending my time trying to craft things that aren't exactly lies or truths, just to east my conscience. How pathetic.

She deserves more, and I know it, but the thought of her disapproving of our relationship and Luke leaving me because of it is almost too much to bear. I sit up, my head in my hands, sighing deeply.

Eva's family, and I need to man up, soon. I'm suddenly reminded of her visit to the city with me a few months before I left, a soft smile quirking my lips up at the thought.

***************************************

"Manny?!" I wince at the loud voice coming through the front door. Eva is by my side in an instant, a large frown covering her face. "What the fuck happened?" Her eyes narrow onto my roommate, and it's easy to see who she blames.

I lift my hand to scratch the back of my head, groaning at the slight discomfort in my shoulder and drop it instead.

"Easy, Eva. He didn't do it, if anything you should thank him for fighting them off me."

"Them?"

"Yeah..." I don't know how to continue until Eric speaks up for me.

"Some assholes ambushed him coming out of a gay bar downtown. He had called me to pick him up, and when I got there... Well let's just say I'm really glad the traffic wasn't too bad that night."  The anger in his voice is still very evident, fueled by the fact that they hadn't been caught yet.

"Oh, Manny." Tears well up in her eyes, and I can see the need for the hug she so desperately wants to give me.

"I'm not completely broken, Eva. C'mere."
I reach for her and wrap my arms around her, squeezing softly. I hold her back out by the shoulders, this time keeping the groan from leaving my mouth. "I'm fine, see?"

"Did you know them?"

I shake my head. "No, and there's really no leads on who they were, either. So it's probably just gonna go cold soon." I shrug, aiming for indifference.

She eyes me suspiciously and I know she sees through it. "So were they just homophobes, or what?"

This time a sweat forms above my brow as I remember what they were saying. "You would think so, given some of the things they were saying. Then again.... Some of them also made me think not so much."

She grimaced, understanding. "I'm so sorry, Manny." She hesitates, and then grabs my hand. "I could get dad to-"

"No. Absolutely not."

Her brows furrow. "And just why not?"

"He thinks getting 'beat up' as a grown man is embarrassing. I barely got his ass to the ER when it happened." Eric rolls his eyes and stomps to his room.

Eva's eyebrows raise as she watches him leave, and then her eyes are back on me questioningly.

"Don't mind him, he's been a pain ever since it happened." I squeeze the hand holding mine. "I really don't want your dad to know, okay? It's all superficial and I'm feeling much better now than I was a few days ago, so I'm on the mend." I think about how I want to phrase my next words. "You know how he felt about me moving up here anyway, I really don't want to give him any reason to say I told you so because I couldn't defend myself."

"Manny, you know good and well that is not what he would do." I look at her, not convinced. She rolls her eyes and pulls her phone out of her purse. "Fine, I'm going to call and let him know I'm staying a little longer than I planned on."

"Eva no, you don't have to do-"

"Hush. I'm staying to help take care of you and that's that." She flicks my nose as she stands up. "But I'm going to have to give some phony excuse to dad now, so just know I'm not happy about that." She grins, letting me know that she's mostly joking.

True to her word, Eva stayed much longer than she had originally wanted, spending a huge chunk of her summer there helping and 'healing me', as she called it. By the time she left a few weeks later, I was pretty well back to normal and feeling very guilty that we hadn't done a single thing I had wanted to do with her while she was there.

***************************************

"Hey." I feel a hand caress the side of my head, and I jump slightly, my memory interrupted.

His hand quickly comes to cup my face, bringing it up to face his as he studies me closely.

"What's wrong?" His finger gingerly brushed along my jaw, a soothing gesture.

"She knows something is up.."

His eyes light up with understanding. "Ah." He sits down next to me, situating himself onto the mattress, leaning against the wall, his hand now holding my knee as he continues to study me. "What exactly did she say?" I know her finding out is more my problem than his, but he has been supportive so far of keeping it from her.

"Just that she's noticed something, but she doesn't know what it was because you won't tell her."

He's silent for a moment. "And you don't want her to know, right?"

I wince and my shoulders slump slightly, feeling incredibly more guilty by the second, knowing the wedge this could drive between the two of them. "I.." I can't meet his gaze or give him an answer.

The hold on my knee tightens as he draws me a little closer, once again bringing my eyes to meet his. "I'd like to know why."

My eyes dart away, immediately knowing that he at least has the right to know why, but worried it will make me sound weak. The tap of his finger to my cheek is almost instantaneous, reminding me he wants eye contact. "I can see the guilt you're carrying over this, so my question is just as much for your benefit as it is mine. I know you don't want to keep this from her, so why are you?"

I slump as I listen to his words. Why is he even risking this? What worth could I be to him that he would be willing to keep something from her, just because I've asked? I close my eyes as the tears began to pool, not wanting him to see.

"Hey, hey." He quickly grabs me, pulling so that I'm straddling his lap as he holds my face in both of his hands. He gives a slight shake, telling me he wants my eyes open, and I do, letting a few tears escape. He swipes them away, stroking softly.

He stays silent, looking torn, knowing his request caused this, but also still wanting to know why I've put him in this position.

"I'm worried," I start, pausing and clearing my voice as it cracks slightly. "that she'll disapprove." I take a deep breath. "I'm worried that if she does, you'll both be gone, and then I'll be alone and I don't... I can't.." The tears are flowing freely now, much to my embarrassment.

"Hush, now, Manny. It's okay, take a deep breath." He holds me closer, rocking gently back and forth. He's silent for awhile, letting my sobs die down before he pulls me back and grabs me by the face once again. "Listen to me closely, okay?"

I nod as I see the determination swirling in his eyes.

"No, I want your words Manny, I need to know you're hearing me."

"I'm listening." I mumble.

He seems none too impressed with my response but carries on anyway. "Firstly, I need to point out that I think you aren't giving Eva credit that she deserves." I wince and lower my eyes, my thoughts going back to earlier. He taps me once again, and I slowly bring them back up. His eyes are unbelievably soft, as he leans in and kisses me slowly.

"I think you're running more risk of her being angry that we kept this from her, not that it's happening in the first place. The longer this goes on without her knowing, the worse it's going to be. I know you know that." He squeezes me harder. "As for leaving you alone..."
He pulls me back and looks in my eyes. "I don't think I could ever do that. I know my daughter, just like I know you do, and she would never let that happen to you either. Okay?"

I nod slowly. "Let me think on it, please? I have to build up a nerve for it."

He purses his lips, but says nothing. He shifts a bit on the bed. "What were you thinking about when I walked in here? You didn't even notice I had come back."

I smiled. "Just thinking about Eva taking care of me when she visited me this summer."

His brows furrow. "Did you get sick while she was there?"

Shit. We never told him why she stayed so long. Shit.

I struggle to come up with something. "Ah no, I just meant how motherly she can be, you know?"

"Emmanuel. Are you lying?"

I try to extract myself from his arms but they immediately tighten.

Here goes nothing. "I swear, I wasn't sick."

He raises a brow, waiting. "I.... I got in an accident right before she got there.. She chose to stay longer and help me out."

"Then why didn't she just tell me that? What kind of accident?"

I lower my eyes, knowing that lying is not my strong suit.

"It wasn't an accident, was it?"

I shake my head, knowing he'd get the truth out of me eventually. His hand comes up to cradle the side of my face, turning me back to him. "What happened?"

I take a deep breath, trying not to dwell on the incident. "I just ran into some trouble.." His arms tighten around me.

"Trouble?"

I decide it's probably better to just get it all out there. "I was attacked one night in the city, leaving a club. It was 6 against 1... I'm sure you can figure out the rest."

I watch his face, seeing the change from sympathy to anger. "Attacked? Why?"

"It was a gay club. One of the only times I've tried to go out." I let out a humorless laugh. "It was also the last. Eric, my roommate, was on his way to pick me up, thankfully. They got me pretty good but compared to what they were saying..." A shiver runs down my spine. "It could have been so much worse." I shrug. "They said it was random, and they never caught the guys. I'm all healed now though, so no worries."

"No worries?! Manny," he pinches the bridge of his nose. "Did you tell Eva not to tell me?"

"I..." I swallow. "I didn't want to prove what you said about me in the city right... so I asked her to not to."

He's quiet for a moment, and I watch him reign in the anger. He pulls me closer and kisses me, hard. His hands are in my hair suddenly, as his tongue traces my bottom lip. I let out a soft moan, my hands traveling up to the base of his neck.

He softly pushes me back, his thumb stroking my cheek. I blink and suddenly he's standing up, leaving me on the bed. "What are you doing today?"

I shake my head to clear my thoughts, struggling to keep up with him. "The furniture you helped me pick out will be here in a few days, so I wanted to get some painting done." I purse my lips. "Weren't you going to go with me today to help pick out a color?"

He walks to the kitchen, and I quickly get up to follow. "Right. Yes, but I've suddenly remembered there's something quick I need to take care of at the hospital. I'll be back in an hour or two and we can go pick out a color, okay?"

He putting his shoes on as I rush to stop him. "Wait wait, are you mad? Please don't be, I'm sorry, I could've-"

"Manny," he interrupts. "don't you dare apologize. It's not your fault." He looks down at me as he grabs his coat. "I'm not mad, I've just forgotten something. I'll be back, okay?"

No sooner than he's said the words, he's kissing me goodbye and heading out the door.

What just happened?


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