The silence in the kitchen felt suffocating, like any minute he was about to drop the bombshell that would send me packing. I was sat at his bar, watching him whirl around the kitchen, fixing something that smelled very Italian. After the incident the last time I tried cooking, I had been strictly banned from helping. I had tried to assure him that it was only his influence on me last time that caused the accident and that I am actually quite capable in the kitchen.

Of course that led to a smug chuckle from him as he hugged me and said that maybe we should wait just a bit longer before I cook with him then, since he still affected me so heavily. I had no argument against that, because he was right. I chose to remain silent rather than to admit that to him, however.

Despite how I was feeling, Luke looked rather at home, relaxed even. I tried to tell myself this meant the conversation may not be as heavy or as worrisome as I am anticipating. Easier said than done.

"What are you making?"

He turned from the boiling pot of water and sent me a heart stopping grin. "Spaghetti bolognese. One of Eva's favorites, so I thought you might like it as well."

I watch him efficiently move around his kitchen. He drains his pasta and quickly returns it back to the stove. He combines his meat sauce with the noodles, throwing in a few more spices. I am absolutely mesmerized by how he cooks, and I am becoming increasingly worried that there is in fact, nothing he can't do.

"Where did you learn to cook so well?"

He laughed as he reached into the cabinet to pull out plates. "I've always known. Cooking was something me and my mother always did together. Right up until she passed. Didn't quite remember who I was, but she still knew she loved to cook with me." He smiles wistfully as he scoops a portion onto both plates.

I feel bad about my question leading to such a somber mood and am desperate to make up for it. "Would you like me to set the table? Fix the drinks? I want to help, maybe I could-"

"Hush." His arms are wrapped around me tightly, squeezing. "Don't feel bad. I loved my mother very much and will never shy away from talking about her. She had early early onset Alzheimer's, but died from pneumonia a few years ago."

I nodded, very familiar with Eva's grief over her grandmother's passing. "I would still like to help, where are the glasses?"

He holds my face as he leans down, capturing my lips with his. His kiss is soft, sweet and I want so much more. Before I can react, his mouth is gone and he is staring down at me. "You are such a delight to me, Emmanuel. So I want you to promise that we can have this entire discussion before you try to leave, okay?"

I grimace at my name, but nod, turning my eyes downcast.

His hold tightens as he forces my gaze to meet his eyes. "No no, I need to hear you say the words, Manny."

I swallow. "I'll listen."

His hand moves to stroke the top of my head. "Good boy." The warmth moving through my body at his praise, and I nuzzled into his chest, embarrassed at the expression I knew had crossed my face.

My stomach broke the moment up, growling loudly as we broke apart.

He laughed as he set the table. "Right. Better get some food in you then, shouldn't we?" He points to the cabinet closest to me. "Glasses are right in there, grab whatever two you'd like."

I see he has put some wine on the table, so I grab two glass flutes, setting one on each end of the table.

His phone begins ringing from the kitchen and he excuses himself to answer it. Not sure which place he usually sits, I decide to keep standing. I eye the wine bottle, might as well give myself a little liquid courage before this talk.

I sit at the bar, sipping my wine and drooling over the smell of the food. The minutes tick by and Luke still has not returned. I decide to turn my attention to the pictures on the wall that won't send me into panic mode and I laugh as I see one of Eva and Luke on what looks to be her 3rd birthday.

I finish the wine and decide that it has been long enough. I don't want to smother him, but the worry is growing.

I push the kitchen door open only to be met with silence, Luke is nowhere to be seen. I hear a faint voice and look out the window to see him standing on the porch, phone still to his ear. He looks angry and my concern grows. I head his way, opening the back door.

I step out onto the patio just in time to hear the end of his conversation.

"No Amanda, I told you I was busy this afternoon and tonight but we're still good for Thursday. Just don't think thi-" He stops as he turns and sees me standing, foot still hovering over the steps that lead down the porch. "I'll talk to you later." He abruptly hangs up the call. "Manny.."

He starts off but I shake my head. "No. No. No, NO." I start backing away from him, my hand held out to stop his advance. He sighs as he watches me warily.

"You promised to hear me out before you left." He reminds me softly. I barely register the words as I attempt to keep myself from breaking down. After he is met with only silence, he starts towards me again, this time ignoring my outstretched hand and wraps his arms around me.

"Breathe Manny. In. Out. In. Out." He presses my head against his chest. "Follow along with my breathing. Slowly. Good, that's great Manny." We stand like that for a while, with only the sound of our breathing filling the air.

After I can feel myself returning to normal, I try to pull away and his arms tighten. "Manny," he tries to turn my head up to meet his eyes, but after I refuse to move he sighs and drops his hands. "Manny, I know you're apprehensive about this, and for good reason. I still would like a chance to explain myself and what is going on. You're going through a lot right now, and it worries me that you don't seem to have anyone you think you can rely on. I want to be that person and I know I can be. I know you trust me, or we never would have made it this far, so I need you to keep trusting me and know that I never want to hurt you and will do whatever I can to prevent that from happening."

Tears are streaming down my face by the time he finishes, because he's right. I do trust him. But the risk of him leaving me for Amanda just seems too great. His hands come up again and quickly and turn my face upwards. I don't resist this time as he wipes my tears away and cradles me between his two hands.

"Can we go eat now? Please Manny, this was all going to be included in our talk, I swear. She just seems to have the worst goddamn timing, and I'm sorry this happened before it could be explained to you." His voice is barely above a whisper by the end, and I sigh, my mind made up.

"I'm not hungry anymore," He opens his mouth to speak, but before he can cut me off I hold my finger up. "But I will stay and listen if you would like." I can see the frustration on his face but he says nothing. Smart man.

"Alright then, let's head to the couch and we can talk." His hands drop from my face, but immediately takes ahold of my hand and leads me into the next room. He sits on the sofa and attempts to pull me down to him, but I stand my ground and choose to sit on the opposite couch.

"Let's talk." I waste no time, ready to pull the band-aide off and get this over with.

He leans back, studying me for a moment before he takes a deep breath. "I got with Amanda when I was 16. I was young, no time to really explore who I was, especially not with everyone telling me she was perfect and exactly who I was meant to be with. And then we had Eva at 18, still so young. So I thought there went my chance to figure out who I really was because I was not going to leave Amanda or my little girl." He shuffles in his seat.

"Somewhere around 25 it was getting increasingly harder to pretend that my eyes weren't also drawn to the men as much as the women. But again, I still had Amanda and Eva and my feelings toward them had not changed, I was just fighting the battle internally. Like why did it even matter so much that I liked men if I still loved Amanda and wanted to be with her?" I flinch at his words, and he sends me a sympathetic smile. "So eventually I got pretty good at hiding it, even to myself and all was well enough."

"Eva was just a little under 14 when I found out there was another man. She came home one day to find Amanda with our 19 year old pool boy, whom Eva had also been infatuated with at the time. She was devastated, of course, for obvious reasons, as was I." He scratches the back of his head. "That was a hard time for us both, which I'm sure you've heard about."

I nodded. "I have." Eva and I had met when she was 16, and I was 18. She was taking community college classes her senior year and we met the two weeks I was enrolled that semester. Shortly after, I dropped out and made the move out of town, but we still had managed to connect in that short time. Since then, Eva has always been the one person I could count on, and when I moved away she was there for me during one of the darkest times I've had.

He clears his throat, and I'm brought back from my musing to see him smirking at me. "Sorry, I was just thinking."

He nods his head in acknowledgement and continues on. "So of course her and I split. Eva decided she didn't want to speak to her, which lasted for a few years, but she has slowly started to come around, much to your thanks I believe."

I flinched, unsure on how he felt in my insistence that Eva speak to her mother.

He leans forward. "No! Don't misunderstand, I am very appreciative to you for that." He gets up and sits in front of me on the coffee table, between my legs. "This actually leads into what I really wanted to discuss..." He places a hand on each knee. "Amanda was my best friend and what I thought was the love of my life for almost 20 years." He takes a deep breath, staring deep into my eyes. "Now let me follow that with the fact that I do not want her. There is nothing she can offer me anymore and there is no desire for me to be with her. Not now and not ever. Do you understand that?"

I nod hesitantly, waiting for the rest. He takes a deep breath and continues. "She is also the mother of my child. I think Eva was so affected by what her mother did because I let her see how much it hurt me and how upset I was. I now wish I hadn't. I can't stop thinking that they'll never have a relationship because of me, and as mad as Eva seems to be, I know she misses her. And I know she'll regret cutting her out one day." His grip on my knees tighten as he continues.

"I made the decision that as soon as I was ready, I would reach out and connect with Amanda, try to show Eva that I'm okay and that it is okay to forgive her mother. I refuse to be the reason she does not have a mother in her life." His voice breaks at the end and I immediately feel sad that he has been carrying around the guilt of something that was not his burden to bear.

I lean forward, placing my hands on his face. "Listen to me. You did not cause that. Amanda did. You did not make Eva angry. Amanda did. You reacted exactly how you should have. I hate to see you blame yourself, and so would Eva, you know that." He places his hands over mine, watching me closely. After a few seconds he starts to lean forward, but before our lips can touch, I lean back.

I shoot him an apologetic look. "Um.."

His eyebrows raise as he waits for me to continue. "I understand all that, I do. And I can come to terms with that with you and Amanda. But.." My face heats up and I decide to try another tactic. "I couldn't do this to Eva. I would be lying to her if I didn't admit to us, and she would never forgive me."

He lets out an unexpected chuckle. "Eva loves you. And while I will admit it will be a strange adjustment for her, I think she wants us both to be happy. You know that. So what were you really going to say?" He cocks his eyebrow and I'm annoyed he can see through me so easily.

"I.. I just don't think I have much to offer." I mumble, covering my face with my hands. "I'm so young, inexperienced, I mean what do I have to offer you, really?"

His arms snake around me and I'm suddenly in his lap. His chest rumbles against me and he hums. "Hmmm. When I look at you Manny, I see my future. I see a beautiful boy capable of so much. He just needs someone to tell him so." He grabs my face, lifting it from hiding. "I see myself with you, always." He closes the gap quickly, before I can react. Our lips connect and he immediately swipes across my bottom lip, asking for entrance. I try to lean back, hesitant, but he has none of that and presses me closer against his body. A moan slips past my lips and he takes advantage with his tongue, leaving me breathless as he pulls away.

My face is on fire, mostly from my inability to keep the noises down. He smirks at me, one hand resting on my cheek. "Even with none of that, your blush would be enough to keep me around forever."

I gasp and slap my hands to my cheeks. "Please! I can't take much more!" I cry as he holds me tighter and laughs.

He leans in and runs his nose along my neck. "Please say you'll give this a chance, Manny."

My eyes close as I lean into his movements, trying to remember why I said no in the first place.

Eva.

Shit. But he's right, she wants me to be happy over every thing, and I do think she would try to get through it.

But could I really handle him trying to build a close relationship to Amanda? It feels rather selfish to be worried about this still, considering his explanation. But it was there, no matter how much I wish it wasn't.

I tried to think past that and feel what my gut was telling me. I stared into Luke's hopeful eyes and above all else, I knew he would never hurt me.

"Yes. Let's be toge-" I was cut off by his kiss, harsh and frantic. He leans back and comes forward again. Giving me no time to breath. I push him away, and he holds me close, laughing softly in my ear.

"Thank God for that, little Manny," he whispers in my ear and I sigh in contentment, hoping this was the right choice.