19 | A Dash of Perspective

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After one exceptionally terrible night, I was surprised to come out the next day nearly scotch free. I knew it had to be thanks to Leo once again, but I really had no idea why. If I was in his shoes, I probably would've enjoyed watching myself rot. But he didn't let that happen and I was free to go before noon the next day and only had a few fines to pay and I might've had public intoxication on my record, but the cop was saying something about going to a class and getting it expunged so it didn't feel too serious.

It was, however, absolutely humiliating with the amount of cops that were in the station and watched my hungover self walk out. My phone was dead, because honestly, what phone needed to have a lifespan more than a couple of hours? And so I had to proceed to do the worst walk of shame ever. I couldn't even use my one free call because I hadn't learned a new number since the last time I was locked up.

Beyond all of that, my ankle was swollen and bright purple, so the walk was more of a waddle and only lasted until I got from the front doors to the sidewalk. I sat at the curb and pulled off my shoe, examining the mess. My whole foot was two sizes too big and it didn't look so good. I groaned as a cop made his way into the building.

"There's no easy way out of this one so you might as well just do what you gotta do." I said, trying so hard to encourage myself. I got back up and looked around. From where I was, my house might've been a good thirty-minute walk, possibly more considering my foot and my parents house was literally a two-minute drive from the jail, so maybe no more than a ten-minute walk. On any other day I would've preferred suffering through the walk home, but thanks to my ankle, my parents house won out. "What you gotta do."

All in all, it wasn't a bad day. My mom bombarded me with her concern for everything, talking about the Gregory case and smothering me with food, while my dad was chill and had a look at my ankle for me. He gave me a splint for my foot, saying it didn't look too bad, but we'd keep an eye on it. I was thankful for his quick fix because I really didn't need another medical bill.

After all was said and done, I was finally ready to go back to work the next day. It felt like I had been gone for ages, probably because I lost a few brain cells from the concussion, but I was so happy to be back, smelling old wooden baskets and rusty metal antiques. I was probably walking too much, considering the state of my foot, but I truly believed in the healing power of simply believing.

"Kevin didn't give me any details, but he wanted me to apologize to you for him." Darcy spoke. She was still being very quiet around me. I was sure after she didn't see me for a full night and then I came home in the evening the next day with a splint on my foot she was concerned. I blew her off because I definitely wasn't ready to tell that story so I wasn't surprised she reached out to the last person she'd seen me with.

"It's all good. I'll text him later." I said, continuing the patch of floor I was sweeping. The floor of this shop had to get dirtier than any floor I ever stepped on. I still remembered the day some parents let their toddler crawl around it. It was so gross. I wasn't one to talk though, I had spent the other night on the floor of a dirty jail cell with my head hung over its toilet.

"Whenever you're ready to talk about it, I'm all ears." Darcy said, continuing to refold, already nicely folded, bandanas. I knew she was getting a little frustrated at my silence, but the story was already so long and I didn't know what the conclusion was.

"I know, soon." I told her.

"Today?"

"Okay, yeah. Later today." I said. She smiled at me and I gave her a half smile back. She stopped fiddling with the bandanas and went off to another part of the store. Her strides were cut short by the chiming of a bell, signaling someone had walked in. All three of us—Darcy, Mr. Jones and I—stopped what we were doing to look at officer Leo Lombardi as he entered the space.

Leo found me instantly and my face went red. He looked around at the rest of us, in which time Darcy turned her head to look at me, mentally asking me a million questions.

"Good morning," Leo said, loud and clear to Mr. Jones, making his already big presence even bigger.

"Good morning, sir. Welcome." Mr. Jones responded, seeming a little taken aback himself.

"May I borrow Miss Bonilla for a couple of minutes? If she's also willing." Leo's eyes met mine once again.

Mr. Jones looked over at me, giving the same concerned face as Darcy, "Sure thing."

I inhaled deeply and placed the broom against a shelf, swinging my splinted boot over and walking out the front door. I saw his cop car parked on the side of the street and wondered if he was on his way to work. It was finally a lot warmer out and that made me excited for nicer days to come. I'd worn a long dress to work and enjoyed watching it blow gently in the breeze.

Leo brought me over to the side of the building, that way he wouldn't attract a crowd or impact business. I looked to where my beater of a vehicle was parked, giving me a comforting feeling of escape. He was finally clean shaven, looking like the very first time I met him.

"Thanks for bailing me out again." I broke the silence. I was still completely angry with him, but I didn't want to keep letting my emotions get in the way of my honesty.

Leo hummed some kind of agreement, studying me. "I didn't know that about your friend." He said.

I rolled my eyes, "I don't need your pity. I didn't tell you that so that you could feel sorry for me. You're free to think whatever." I crossed my arms around my chest. I didn't want to be angry again, but he was starting to sound like everyone else and that was getting on my last nerve.

"Then why did you tell me that?"

"Because I was drunk." I said. His questioned stumped me, but I'd be damned if I let him know that.

Why did I tell him about Devin?

"You know, perspective is everything," He began again and went to the curb and sat down. It was weird to see a police sitting on the edge of the road, but I joined him anyways. He looked at the boot on my foot, before looking back out to the rest of the world. "I want to tell you why I decided to become a cop." He looked over at me, meeting my eyes. "And not because I want pity, but because I believe that sharing our stories really help put things into perspective."

I nodded my head once, ready to listen. Leo inhaled deeply and allowed the breath to fully exhale. He looked towards the ground and I watched his profile closely, ready. It was weird to remember that he was only twenty-four. He obviously looked young, but held himself like he could be in his mid-thirties.

"I didn't have the best childhood growing up. My mom and dad split when I was seven, my sister was two and my new stepdad moved in later that year." He started and I was already completely invested in hearing the full story. "I had the option to live with my dad, but I didn't want to leave my sister behind so I stayed. I didn't actually want to stay with my mom because she was very neglectful, but I also resented my dad for leaving. Which, to give him some credit, he did fight for us in court, but the judge believed it was better for kids to stay with their mother. I guess my anger came with the fact that he left anyways."

Leo paused for a moment and I became curious if at some point during this story, he might cry.

"Are they going to mind me keeping you from work?" He asked.

"No, they'll be fine. It's a quiet day, but will your job mind?"

"I'll be alright," He smiled at me and then went back to looking a little spaced out, "So anyways, I wasn't a very happy child. I held a lot of anger in from multiple different places. Hazel, my sister, was the opposite of me. No matter what bad thing happened, she tried to stay positive. She had the widest smile ever and one dimple in her left cheek. She learned how to cook and clean and pretty much took on motherly duties herself, all by the age of eight."

My eyebrows shot up. I couldn't believe someone so young would have to do that.

"It didn't help that our mom contracted HIV from her husband. She was so in love that him cheating didn't matter and her becoming sick was something she welcomed. Being able to stay in bed and have my sister do her bidding. She became sick while he was almost perfectly fine." Leo paused again. "All the while I was just quiet and angry. When I spoke out, he'd hit me and when I reached out to my mom, she'd ignore me. Hazel and I grew very close, living through the same circumstances. I'd protect her from the lash outs and she'd be there to take care of me when I was abused."

Leo had given me all the perspective I needed. Even though I was always ready to leave my own house because my parents would smother me, I knew that I never actually had it that bad. I had support. I was just nitpicking at best and that was already far too dramatic.

Leo clenched his jaw tightly before opening it again, "I was fifteen. We went through this cycle for over eight years. At that point Hazel and I would make plans to leave. I told her once I turned sixteen I could move us out. Mom wouldn't care enough to find us or call the police. Mom was getting even sicker and she knew if she made a fuss, she'd get in trouble for child abandonment. Hazel agreed with these plans. I told her we would struggle, but we could do it. At that point I got a job, working under the table to clean up at a mechanic's shop. It wasn't great pay, but I saved nearly all of it, only spending a few dollars for some candy for Hazel. We didn't see each other a lot during those days. I was away more times than not, trying to work as much as I could to make some money. Still, Hazel would greet me with a smile and make life at home bearable."

He paused again, wiping the sides of his mouth and blinking a few times.

"It was during that time that he raped her."

My mouth went dry. Almost impulsively, tears pricked the corner of my eyes.

"She was only ten," Leo's voice became more strained. "And he gave her AIDS." He stopped again, taking the cuff of his sleeve and dabbing it under his eye. He took a few deep breaths and I felt like I might hyperventilate. "Hazel changed after that. At that point, I knew things were different, but I didn't know why. I didn't know what happened. Just that Hazel didn't want to talk anymore. She didn't want anyone to touch her, she didn't want any candy and she just stopped doing things. I didn't know what was happening." A few tears streamed down Leo's face, but he didn't go into hysterics. He just took time between each sentence to breath. "It all came to light, probably no more than four months later, when Hazel took her life."

My heart broke and I started crying. I didn't want to hear this story anymore, it was too horrible. I grabbed the hem of my dress and brought it to my face, trying to wipe the tears faster than they fell.

"That's when they found out she had full blown AIDS and that he raped her. I remember the moment the police officer came to the house and arrested him. I remember the other officer who was so kind to me when he took me away from that house." He said and finally looked at me. His eyes were red, but I could see a strong determination behind them. "That's when I knew I wanted to be a cop as well and save those who couldn't save themselves. And it took me awhile. I spent the next five and a half years holding in so much anger I thought I might explode. But my dad took me back to live with him and his new family and I always carried with me the note Hazel wrote me. I spent a lot of time blaming myself, but she made it hard to with her note of how much she loved me."

I had to keep wiping the tears and snot from my face, although it didn't seem too useful as I had practically become a leaking faucet.

"Finally, after all that time, things clicked for me and I knew the kind of person I wanted to become. I was able to let go of a lot of that anger and really work hard to live a life Hazel would be proud of and accomplish the only dream job I ever had."

He got quiet then and I knew that we had come to the end of his story. I became flooded with emotions and even more questions than before, but unsure what to say.

"You were absolutely right about what you said the other night," Leo began again. "I did put my job ahead of you. I know my past doesn't excuse any bad behaviors, but my job has been the only constant in my life so I've put it before everything. I apologize for that."

"You don't have to apologize, Leo. I'm sorry." I tried before Leo gave me a lopsided look that stopped me.

"Are you starting to pity me now?" He asked, the corners of his mouth rising.

I rolled my eyes, but smiled too. "I guess I am."

"You know, I was really sad that they pulled the plug on him."

"Me too," I said.

Leo took a deep breath, "I do think about some of the things you say. Honestly, it makes me a little conflicted." He chuckled.

"Yeah, your defense for cops has also conflicted me. You're the first person I've ever spoken to that defends cops so heavily."

He gave me his world class smile, "It really has been a busy month. But I was sad that I never accidentally ran into you on the street. And then you went ahead and did something absolutely insane, reminding me that you hate cops and it's made me think," He turned his body towards me and I felt the heart palpitation. "If I did seriously pursue you, would you always be against me? Talking down about me and hating my job? Would I be the cop who visits his woman in jail?" He smiled at that last bit and I could tell it was a slight joke, but I didn't laugh along.

I knew what he meant and I knew he was absolutely serious, I just didn't know how to respond.

"So then I think I should probably move on."

I straightened up, "I don't want you to do that." I said.

"Then where do we go from here?" He asked and I contemplated this. What exactly did I want? Was it realistic?

"Let's go on another date. Let's just sit together and lay everything out in the open and figure it all out." I told him. Leo looked at me for a moment, thinking about this. My face became a little red, but I knew he wasn't going to let this go that quickly either.

"Alright. Let's do that." He gave me a reassuring smile and I smiled brightly back. Afterwards, he got to his feet and helped me up to mine. I pulled him into a hug before I'd miss my chance and he held it there for awhile.

"Thank you," I said.

"For what?"

"For sharing your story and not giving up on me."

He chuckled and kissed the top of my hair. "I can't."

++++++

Author's Note: Now I know you weren't expecting that! I always knew Cala's backstory would be easily guessed, but I didn't want Leo's to be that way. To be honest, I never fully figured out his situation until I actually wrote this chapter. I knew something bad happened in his childhood, but I couldn't figure out what. I like to think Leo was the one telling us his truth. 

Maybe this is too big of a revelation for there being only one chapter left, but I think this was the perfect time to have found out. It all works for how I wanted to end this novel. I'm actually really proud of how it all wraps up. 

Mark your calendar for tomorrow! Much love to you <3 

-Criss

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