I sat on the plush, green couch staring blankly at the glass filled with iced tea. There was so much on my mind, but as I managed to sit still and focus on the ice, my head seemed to clear up. Even if only a little

"Now," Mrs. Jackson sat on the opposite couch with a sigh, "Tell me what's goin' on."

As the rally was quickly approaching, I was in a mental warfare on all the things that had happened. I needed the sound reasoning of Mrs. J to ease my troubled soul.

I'd ranted through the bulk of what was grieving me, but as my ramblings started getting all wacky, she made me a glass of tea and said we needed to sit down to continue.

"I don't know. This cop, Leo," I reminded her and she nodded in understanding, "He's pretty cool and I do like talking to him, even if he can be a jerk and gets me tongue-tied, but how can he think his partner was justified? If he saw the same video I saw, there's no way he can think what happened was okay! It was totally not okay." I got straight back into my rambling, forgetting the calm state I was trying to achieve, "I know I should drop him. I shouldn't have ever even thought to get to know him in the first place because he's a cop, but even though I knew that, I ignored it and now I can't get him off my mind. Like, some part of me really feels like I need to apologize! Isn't that crazy?" I stopped, knowing that if I kept going I would go in another circle.

"There's a large battle raging on inside of you, but I'll tell you what I think." Mrs. Jackson started and I was so ready for her to tell me exactly what I needed to do and I would follow it completely, "I've been going back to church and listening to the pastor and something clicked for me. Those men that put Jesus on the cross knew they were killing him. They knew they were murdering an innocent man. You don't just put someone on a cross to see what happens, you know that they will die." She started, "Now, as this happened, what did Jesus say?"

I looked into her big brown eyes, waiting for her to continue on.

"He asked the Father to forgive them. He said they know not what they do. Now Jesus knew that they knew what they were doing. However, they didn't understand the gravity of it. They were still just human."

I tried to connect her words with my situation. Trying to read between the lines and see where there was a message that made sense to me, but I was never an A student in my English classes and I still swore there weren't that many themes Mrs. Seedy swore were in, Of Mice and Men.

"It's hard to be like Jesus. To be so forgiving and understanding. It's what separates man from God and why I've been having this mental warfare because I never thought I could forgive that officer for killing my baby. How could I? I know that he knew what he did was wrong."

In a quick turn, she shifted the subject and I could feel the tears already stinging the back of my eyes.

"And I used to pray to God that he would get plagued with something nasty. In my heart, I wanted him dead." Mrs. J continued on, and to my surprise, kept a strong resolve. "That vengeful spirit made me no better than the men who killed Jesus. Honey, I'm far from a perfect woman and I still hold a lot of anger, but I know that I must pray for this man and pray for me too."

I looked back down at my glass of iced tea and the ice cubes that had become significantly smaller. I watched as two tears fell from my eyes and onto my lap.

"Everyone tells me I'm justified in my anger and that I deserve to be mad. And believe me, I know I'm justified, but I'm never happy when I hold in that anger. When I pray for good things, that's when I feel at peace."

"I don't think I can ever forgive that pig for what he did to Devin." I let a few more tears drip onto my pants, my mind being flooded with images from the video we saw from that horrible day.

"You just have to keep praying about all the things that are troubling you, baby. God will guide you if this is too difficult. He's guided me through the loss of my only child and I know he's guided Devin too. Keep praying and go with what makes your spirit happy."

I nodded my head in agreement, "I know, you're right." I stood up then and so did Mrs. Jackson.

We hugged for a long time and I truly felt like I could handle the mess that was going on. Like I could stop feeling so at war.

I just needed to keep doing what made my spirit happy. And going to the rally was definitely going to make my spirit happy.

✖✖✖

Darcy drove us the nearly hour drive to the town hosting the rally. Being the good copilot that I was, I filled the car with the motivating playlist I had made a year ago when I tried going to the gym. That only lasted a week, but the playlist remained as one of my favorites for making me feel like a strong woman.

I continuously added to it and although it was still mostly filled with Beyonce, what was currently blasting through the speakers was Darcy's current favorite, Truth Hurts by the oh-so talented, Lizzo.

Darcy sang along to the lyrics perfectly and I did the same, dancing wildly. Although we looked crazy, we released our inhibitions, not caring if the man driving beside us was specifically slowing down in the fast lane to take a peek.

As the song switched to one that wasn't as thrilling, I turned the volume down slightly to talk to the girl I once peed in an alleyway with.

"I'm so glad we're doing this. I really hope we make some significant changes in the law." I told her.

"Me too. It's so discouraging how things like this are allowed to continue on. How have you been holding up?" She asked. Although we still saw each other at work, I had closed myself off from talking to her about how this impacted me and although I knew she didn't prefer it, she allowed me to go through it until I was ready to speak up.

"It feels personal." I said honestly, feeling a sadness wash over me.

We sat quietly a bit longer and I knew it was because Darcy was trying to figure out what to say, but I was glad to have a moment to collect myself.

"I don't even know this guy, but it brought back the same feeling I got when it happened to Devin. With the same intensity." I decided to continue on. "On top of all that, I have this weird attraction to that jerk of a cop. Like, I know it's not just appearance because I've seen hotter guys and it doesn't make sense because I hardly know him and he's such a jerk. And now I just feel extremely shitty because he practically confirmed that he values the brotherhood of his cop buddies more than an innocent man."

"Well..." Darcy tried.

"I must be crazy right? To still be thinking about him?"

"I mean, he's the first guy you let yourself like in years. So I get it."

"Well I don't. All I want to do is bring Devin back, make sure Gregory doesn't die from this situation and have this rally be so good that it changes all the stupid laws."

Darcy didn't say anything anymore, so I turned the volume back up on the radio and turned my head to look out the window, sulking quietly.

Once we arrived, we had to drive through a large crowd that was already gathering in the streets to find parking. As I watched the huge crowd of people who were mainly of color, I remembered how exciting this was. How no matter what happened, we were doing our part.

Although it was still very chilly out, many people were dressed in outfits that seemed fitting for coachella and I saw beautiful people wearing traditional African outfits, Black Lives Matter tees and clothes that had an explosion of bright colors. It reminded me that we were all here for the same goal.

After Darcy parked the car, I took a deep breath and exited the vehicle, feeling a new sense of purpose.

"Alright, I'm done with my bad mood. Let's make this rally one to remember."

A large smile crept onto Darcy's lips and we hugged quickly before trying to find the building those hosting the rally were checking people in at.

As we weaved through the streets of people, I couldn't help looking around in awe. There were tall buildings all around and so many different people. There were vendors selling food, people dancing, and groups performing live music. My heart lived in the city and one day, my body would follow.

"Here's your t-shirt, ma'am." A man with a strong Jamaican accent handed me the black shirt and I smiled at the large silver fist printed on the front. I looked at the back that read, We Want Justice.

I pulled the shirt over my jacket, not willing to sacrifice warmth for style and Darcy and I were ready. It was still early, but the streets were already becoming occupied and it would only become more amazing when we took on the major roads. Although I figured there'd be a good sized crowd in the city, I had not expected just how many people would actually come out.

It made me think of when Martin Luther King Jr. gave his address at the Lincoln Memorial and the large crowd that showed up to that. If everyone fought for this purpose, I was sure we'd be even more effective than the Montgomery Bus Boycott.

As I looked around, I saw someone with a poster that said, Justice for Gregory Thomas. The picture they had of him wasn't the same one as the news and it showed him smiling, looking so full of life. The hospital had put him in a medically induced coma as they tried to work on his injuries, but whether he would survive or not was still unknown.

I felt a knot form in my throat and I stopped walking.

If I keep looking around, will I see a poster for Devin?

I was sure without a hint of doubt that being at the rally was the right thing to do and I did feel good for being a part of it. However, I hadn't stopped to think about how I might feel if I saw posters of Devin. How that would affect me emotionally.

"I might throw up," I told a concerned looking Darcy.

She grabbed my hand and squeezed it tightly, "Look at me," She said and I did. "If you have to throw up, do it. If you have to cry, do it. Even if you have to scream your head off, you go ahead and do that and I will scream along with you. But do it here." Her blue eyes pierced into mine and I nodded my head in understanding. "Look," She pointed at a couple of news vans that we could barely make out over the crowd of people. "This moment is on national news. This is the impact we are going to say we were a part of. Our grandkids will see textbooks with pictures from this rally and we will say that we did our part."

I nodded. Darcy really was on her way to take over the world.

Although I felt comforted at what she said, I made sure not to spend too much time looking at any one sign or t-shirt. Just in case.

Finally, as the clock struck high noon, the group organizing the rally hopped up onto some parked cars and pulled out megaphones. Darcy and I squeezed together, trying to see over the tall people surrounding us.

"They abuse their power. They beat, rape, shoot and kill our people." Another Jamacian man started, quickly getting into the thick of it. A good amount of people chanted along their agreements. "Then they get a paid vacation, the judge call it fair play and they go out and do it again." The crowd erupted, "We ask for justice and how do they respond? They say we don't matter... They say they matter more. We do nothing, we are wrong. We fight back, we are wrong. We are wrong until change happens. So let's keep fighting for change." He finalized and the crowd cheered, hollering like dogs and I followed along, clapping wildly.

They jumped off the cars and into the streets we went, marching through to occupy large spaces. There were so many people it was almost unfair. I could hear cars honking in the distance as they tried to get through but the people wouldn't let them.

It felt good. We were going to make ourselves known until change happened. We were going to be a burden to everyone until they stopped burdening us.

As things started to get really good, they got really bad. Some of the protestors started climbing up traffic poles and vandalizing cars. I was pretty sure I saw a guy almost single handedly knock down a stop sign.

The SWAT team was called and I watched their almost tank of a van pull up, nearly mowing down a group of people who wouldn't get out of their way. As soon as they stopped, a whole team of cops jumped out, shield in one hand, baton in the other. Not too long after did another SWAT van arrive.

Some people started running away while others ran up to the cops. I was getting pushed from all directions and hadn't realized I lost hold of Darcy's hand.

It felt like I was in a mosh pit.

I found Darcy, who had also gotten pushed and tried to steady her as three cops stepped up to us. One of the men grabbed her and it felt like everything slowed down. I could hear people screaming around me, everyone was running in different directions and random objects were being thrown everywhere. My heartbeat quickened as I saw Darcy trying to pry his hand off of her. I nearly ran up to him and could clearly see the hatred and coldness in his eyes from behind his clear, hard mask. I bared my teeth, showing him my full disgust for him and every other man in uniform that could possibly exist and used all my might to shove him back.

I grabbed Darcy's hand and tried to run with her but as I turned around, I just barely made out another cop and a large object coming my way before everything went black.

++++++

Author's Note: There is no other activity I do that is filled with such highs and lows for me as there are for when I write. I'm either five chapters ahead of schedule or slugging through to finish the most recent chapter, no in-betweens. 

This chapter feels off, but I guess that's why there is editing in post. I just have to keep chugging through or else nothing will ever be completed. 

Onto other things, this is the chapter where we officially learn how Devin died. I doubt this comes as much of a surprise and that's why I didn't hype it up either. But, if you were curious, now you know. 

Also! My birthday is tomorrow! I will be 23 and still unable to accept that I'm a living, breathing adult. My personal goal in this new year will be to write a book (off of Wattpad) and be exceptionally proud of it, to the point where I publish it! It's a big goal, but I believe in the vision.

Thank you so much to those reading and supporting! I'm such a thankful little Wattpadian <3