CHAPTER 29

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(Author happy :-) note)

GUYS!!! I CAN'T EXPRESS MY FEELINGS IN WORDS THAT HOW MUCH YOUR COMMENTS MAKE ME HAPPY AND OBVIOUSLY ON CLOUD TWELTH. I FEEL LIKE ALL MY EXHAUSTION DRIVE AWAY WHEN I READ YOUR COMMENTS. I SMILED LIKE A MORON WHENEVER I READ YOUR COMMENTS AND FEEL BLESSED. THOSE WHO THINK I REALLY DON'T PAY ANY HEEDS TO THEIR COMMENTS THEY ARE WRONG BECAUSE I READ AND FEEL EACH AND EVERY COMMENTS WITH BOTTOM OF MY HEARTS.

I WELCOME ALL MY NEW READERS WITH OPEN HEARTS AND I AM REALLY FEEL THANKFUL TO HAVE A NEW READER EVERDAY AND THE WAY THEY PUT THERE FEELINGS IN A SINGLE COMMENT. THEY THINK THERE LONG LONG COMMENTS BORE ME BUT THE REALITY IS THEY MAKE ME REALLY HAPPY. IT MAKES MY EVERY WORK AND THOUGHTS  WORTH WRITING.

YOU MADE MY STORY WORTHY

NOW NO MORE MY STUPID GUFFS AND :-)      HAPPY READING

[MANIK POV]

"Its impossible to heal her no one can heal her" abhi's curt voice dragged me out from my thoughts.

"But why??" I asked pissed.

"Because she, she is so broken and shattered like..like mirror. Jisse tum jitna bhi jodna chahoge vo judenge nahi lekin hame taqleef bht de jaenge.."he wobbled his eyes almost looking teary.

"Tu..bolna kya chahta hai..thoda clearly bol??"cabir asked.

"Main ye kehna chahta hu k agr koi bhi nandini ko heal krne ki koshish karega vo khud ko usse zada hurt karega. Nandini ko heal krna isn't easy usse heal krne k mtlb hai khud ko taqleef dena. Usse heal kr paoge ya nahi muje nahi pata bt khud ko zarur hurt krloge. Tumlog use jitna bhi heal karoge vo tumlog hurt karegi. Itna hurt karegi k..k...tumsb bardasht nahi kr paoge or ye risk ko b ni le sakta kyunki hamme se kisi k ander itna patience and tolerance nahi hai." Abhi interpreted.

But I will take the risk!!!!

"Tu iska mtlb ham sari zindagi nandini ko khud ko ese hurt krne de.."I snapped.

"Huhuh!!shayd.. ??? Vo itni bikhri hui, itne tokdo me tuti hui hai k kisi k lie bhi ye sb krne easy nahi hai."he chuckled sarcastically before speaking weakly.

"Agr hum usse sametle to??"'i almost whispered audibly to him and he just shook his head.

I don't care but I will do it!!!

We were again fell into a comfortable silence when we hear some sound from room where we left Nandini. We all quickly get up and ran upstairs.

We reached there to find Nandini struggling to get jug from the bedside table. We all reached near her I stopped her holding her hands and cabir took the glass from her and pour the water for her while Abhi and girls sst beside her to make her sit comfortably.

She looked at me but pulled her hand away from my hand slightly when I took the glass from cabir and offered her to drink. She took it struggling because her hand was injured so Mukti helped her to drink it. After drinking the whole glass she gave the glass back to me. When Nandini finally looked us she stiffened because we all were seeing her like hawk. She looked on her lap where  her hand laced on it.

"Nandini what was that for???" Abhi was the first to ask her gravelly. She sat quite.

"Nandini!!why u hurted yourself???" This time it was Navya whp asked her lovingly.

"I..I..do...I don't know" she spoken choking on some words. I know she is pretending to be strong as always but its true that she isn't ok from inside at all.

She is the strongest girl I have ever met!!!

"Guys!!don't pounce on her she need rest we will do this interrogations afterward.." mukti suggested caressing her hair and understanding her point we all nodded.

"Well how u feeling, do u have pain"i finally asked her in concern. She gaped at me for few secs then again looked back on her lap looking at her laced hands.

"I am fine now"she spoke in a little voice. She looked at Abhi for a than again speak painfully "Abhi!!I ..I want to go back.."

Her these words made my heart winced in pain. Suddenly I felt restless. I am freaking out inside just by the thought of her going away from me. I can't let her go when I realised that I really need her.

"Ofcourse!!we are going from here in night. You just relax Mukti will take care of your everything."Abhi sweet tender voice snapped me out from my thoughts and I froze listening him.

Je can't take her away from me!!!! No.. never!!!

"Ok now let Nandini rest we will go finish her packing."Navya stated looking at us. I wanted to object but I no I can't do this because daima really hurt her and I can't be selfish to ignore tge fact that daima still not reated on anything.

May some miracle happen or I just find out some other way to be near her.

"Manik!!come..let Nandini rest."cabir shook me when I was zooned. I looked at him then Nandini before nodding at him and getting up I accompanied them. But when we were about to goNandini voice stopped us.

"Abhi!!can you please be here??" She said in a pleading voice and my heart clenched. He nodded and sat beside her.

Nandini POV

When I woke up I felt pain in my whole wrist and leg. My throat was dry. I tried to sit by myself but my hand hurted more. I snapped a look at it to realise it was bandaged. I remembered everything that happened before falling in to unconsciousness. I shoved away that dread ful memory and tried to grb the glass I succeed to grab it but in attempt I drop the the vase from table. I was feeling thirsty but the jug was bit far from my reach and my feet and wrist were already hurting. Before I could get the jug a hand already holded my hand and another was taking jug from table I looked up to find Manik holding my hand with some hidden emotions in his eyes and cabir was pouring water from jug. I took it and tried to drank but my hands trembled so mukti helped. After quenching my thirst I looked up to find multiple pairs of eyes staring at me making me nervous. I looked down knowing exactly what coming next. Abhi was the first to ask me about the thing that I really dont want to remember but I gave him an 'I don't know 'answer which was right because I really have no idea actually what had happened to me. Before he or anyone could ask anymore things mukti saved me like a savior. I really don't want to share my state right now. I am still not composed inside. Its true right now I control my mind state trying to show myself strong and fine but the things were vise versa. I was going through some irrational thoughts in my mind when manik asked me about my well being. He was looking sincerely concerned about me for which my heart skipped a beat but I know this is not the time. Again after facing my reality and past I have to get a grip so I just simply answered him.

Then I told Abhi what,I,actually wanted in that moment I want to go far away from this city. I don't understand here on e person accusing me for the things which I never intended to do and on other hand another person was giving me,some kind of new developing feelings and emotions which I never felt before and my past always haunting me in one or another way. One thing is clear that how much I try to be brave and fight against I can't change the reality I had the same fate like my mother. History is repeating itself in me.

When I looked at Manik his eyes holding some sincerity towards me and some emotions which I wanted to trust in that moment but I tried ignored it because I know the word 'trust' isn't for me. I know I can't trust anyone when I have a fate like my mother may be he is sincere right now but what next. I will be the one hurting myself and I don't want to grow like my mother. I grew myself better than this. I intended to never follow the things again which my mother did most importantly trusting people with ease my mother was so great in that 'trusting art'. I know if I will trust him I will regret it for life. I can't trust a man. Never.

I can't let someone kill my soul.!!!!

I can't let break myself like my mother!!!

I fucking can't forget the lesson which my father taught me well!!!!!

I just can't...!!!!!!

Everyone left the room except Abhi because I stopped him he. I was feeling,so alone empty and broken from inside that I needed someone whom I can trust more thwn anyone and who can calm my inside cumulonimbus. He came and sat beside me. I know everyone was worried for me but Abhi was angry and hurt.

He doesn't speak anything just sat beside me for a long time which made me uncomfortable and hurt. So I was the first to break the silence and tried to clear out the insecurities which I am having with his silence.

"Do you think too that I am actually creating distance between you two??" I asked gulping in fear of his answer because I know he never feel about me like this ever but I just want to clear things out and my negative irrational thoughts.

He snapped a look and glared at me taking my hand in his "are you crazy!! You do know what you are for me, for both of us still you. I thought you trust me" he looked disappointed and angry but I quickly shook my head.

"Ofcourse not!!!" I breathed "your silence was scaring me. I don't know how to explain you that what I am going through right now. My mind isnt working on its place. I just don't know who to blame what to think. My mind playinging illusions with me about the people demeanour with its on accord. I don't know how to trust whom to believe. I am a mess"i completed hastily ,tears rolling from my eyes and I clutched my hair in frustration.

"Shshsh!!! Its ok relax. Everything will be fine. Relax" Abhi pulled me in a tight hug making me calm like always whispering soothing words in my mind.

Huh!!!

Its been ten mins I am lying keeping my head on Abhis lap and he is caressing my hairs soothingly. We didn't speak anything after he calmed. I am not sleeping even my eyes are open wide. I even hasn't realized that I am playing sith Abhis cuff buttons absentmindely.

"Nandini I know something is bothering you and I am not going to push you to share with me because I know you will come to me by yourself."he understand me so well "but look if its really disturbing you that you are deep in the thought and your face is looking pale and fearful than please share."he asked again and I know he is the one I can share my each and everything thoughts.

"Abhi!!I I think main jitni bhi koshish kyu na karlu apna past bhul k apni life kisi normal insaan ki tarah jeene ki but I know eventually I will be failing. Because I know meri life me kuch bhi normal nahi hai."

"Aur tumhe esa kyu lagta???"he asked lovingly caressing my hairs.

"Kyunki main janti hu mere sath kuch bhi normal nahi h kyunki normal log darte nahi hai or..or main darti hu."I finally spilled my real thought and fear he frowned but initiated.

"Kesa darr??"

"Trust krne ka, kisi k close hone ka, kisi k lie esi feelings feel krna jo apna kabhi feel na ki ho, hurt hone ka. Abhi mere bht sare fears hain jo k sunne me bht normal se lgta hai but ye muje haunt krte hai. These all are my biggest phobias. Normal log.kisi pr bhi trust kr sakte hai, vo kisi k sath bhi close ho sakte hai bina kisi dar k, vo har nai feelings ko carefree hoke enjoy krte hai or main har nai feelings se drti hu.  Vo hurt hone k risk lete hai or at the end successful bhi ho jate hai but maine to kabhi koi risk lia hi nahi fir bhi main drti hu. Darti hu un feelings sejo muje kisi ek k kareeb hone pr mehsoos hoti hai jbke ander ander vo bhi ek ajjeb sa ehsaah I feel it in a good way but wahi achaiyaan muje muje or bhi zada darati hai. I don't know main kya karu. Abhi..Abhi main hurt nahi hona chahti. Main hurt hone se darti hu. Main apni life maa ki tarah barbaad nahi krna chahti. Iska mtlb hai main kabhi normal nahi ho sakti."iblurted out with numerous tears flowing from my eyes and he wiped.

"Nandini please baby. Apni khushiyo k lie you have to take a risk. Kyu nahi try krna chahti ye sb kuch kyu bhag rahi ho apni zindagi se tum or tumhe kyu lgta hai tum apni life maa ki tarah barbaad kr logi"

"Abhi main bhag nahi rahi hu, khud ko bacha rahi hu. Muje esa lgta hai past firse se khud ko dohra raha hai muje yaad dila raha hai k main khud ko rok lu. Jo kuch maa k sath hua vo kisi na kisi tariqe se mere sath bhi ho raha. Agr mene khud ko roka nahi to shayd main barbaad ho jaungi us andhere me chali jaungi. Jaha se shyd muje koi wapis nahi la sakta."I stated choking on my words.

"Tum vese bhi khud ko us andhere me dhakel chuki ho jaha se tumhe shayd koi wapis nahi la sakta." He whispered to himself but I heard him.

Eventually, I pour my every thoughts and feelings to him and now I am feeling that my inner storm calmed a bit so I snuggled in his lap seeking more warmth and tried to get back to a peaceful slumber.

Which I always dreamed everytime I tried to sleep!!!

Hola!!!!!
Lated but updated...
Sorry was in tension about my exams.
So,how was the update..!!!!!!
Give achi avhi si feedback like always.

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