Chapter 40 | Beckett

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When I get to the staff lounge I move over to one of the computers in the corner of the room and start typing in my schools name. As soon as I have their web page up all I can do is stare at the picture of the building. I don't want to go back there, but what choice do I have?

My father finds out I dropped out; he gets angry he beats me. My father thinks I'm still in school; he still beats me, but at least I'm less of a disappointment.

I don't even realize how long I'm sat here just staring at the screen until Derek sits down.

"You good?"

I'm shaken from my thoughts and turn to him shrugging.

"Fine"

He lifts a brow.

"I heard about what happened this morning, Jasper in trouble?"

I shake my head. My nap helped me get over my nerves regarding Jasper being brought into the police station.

"No, just routine questioning"

Derek nods and I note the second he glances at my computer screen his brows scrunching together.

"What are you doing?"

I suck in a breath because telling him is just as scary as telling Jasper. Both of them hate the way my father controls my life, but neither of them understand.

"Reenrolling"

Derek's eyes widen and he reels his head back.

"What?! No Beckett"

I sigh because this is what I was trying to avoid.

"I have to Derek, my father is expecting me to go back to school in a couple weeks"

I can tell he's pissed by the way he's bouncing his leg.

"So that's it? He wants you in school so you go back? What the hell was the point of you dropping out in the first place then?"

I bite my lip. Not knowing what to say. He's right, I dropped out because I didn't want to be there, but now I'm just going to go back?

"I don't know what else to do"

I hate admitting failure, but it's the honest truth.

"Do what you want Beckett, don't give your dad the opportunity to hurt you for it"

I nod slowly, but it's half hearted, his words are easier said then done.

"Maybe"

I know he's not satisfied with my answer, but neither am I. I don't know what the solution is. How do I just avoid my father? The answer is I don't. I can't.

"I have no way of escaping him"

Derek shakes his head.

"That's not true, you escaped him here"

I nod slowly.

"I did, but only for a short period of time"

Derek sighs.

"It doesn't have to be, you don't have to go home"

I turn and face him.

"Yes I do, where do I go if I don't?"

He makes a face. I know it's because he doesn't have a good answer.

"You can stay at my house"

I sigh.

"For how long? I'm not a charity case, besides my father would only make your family's life difficult if he knew you were helping me disobey him"

I bite my lip and drop my head into my hands sadly.

"It isn't worth it"

I look up because Derek's chair scrapes against the floor.

"You're leaving?"

I'm not expecting him to sit here with me, however, I'm just surprised by his random departure.

He shakes his head and gives me a hard look.

"I won't sit here and watch you let your father ruin you like he did Jordan. Maybe it's selfish of me, but I can't handle going through that again. You don't have to let him control your life Beckett"

My eyes are wide watching his retreating back. I hadn't expected that, but he's right. He shouldn't have to deal with this again. Jordan wouldn't let anyone help him, he struggled silently and eventually he couldn't take it anymore.

Am I doing the same?

I sigh loudly and stand heading out of the staff lounge. I need to apologize to Derek.

When I find him he's standing with Freddie and I narrow my eyes because I know they're likely talking about me.

"Hey, can I talk to you?"

Derek lifts his head and looks uncertain, but nods slowly.

"Yeah"

He tosses a "see ya later" at Freddie over his shoulder and walks over to me leaning against the wall and crossing his arms.

I shift on my feet anxiously.

"Derek, you were right. It isn't fair to you and I just want you to know I'm sorry."

He scoffs and shakes his head.

"I don't want your apology Beckett, I just want to see you survive"

I suck in a breath when he says that; Survive. Jordan didn't survive. Derek's acting like my dads a disease I need to beat, it's not that easy.

I am surviving. Aren't I?

"Okay"

I don't know what else to say so I turn and walk away heading back to my room so I can sit and think about what the hell I want to do with my life.

••

Sitting in my room proves to be unhelpful and I decide quickly that going outside is more likely to clear my head. On the way I see Freddie who nods at me and quickly falls in line beside me.

"What's up? Heard it's been a rough day"

I nod "yup"

Freddie nods in understanding

"you want to talk about it"

I shake my head "nope"

Of course Freddie gets it and he doesn't push me. What he does do is almost worse though. He relates to me.

"I went home the week we went to the beach"

I turn and lift a brow. Surprised by this, as far as I was aware Freddie hadn't been home since coming here. He always seemed to be the one who stayed away the most, he avoided his father. It wasn't that easy for me, Freddie's father doesn't expect appearances from him.

"Why?"

Freddie shrugs as if him going home isn't a big deal.

"I needed my swim trunks, I didn't think he'd be home. It was a weekday, house should have been empty"

He chuckles shaking his head.

"When I walked in the door he was fucking the maid, she must be new and you know what he said? He said that I better keep my mouth shut because he can do whatever the fuck he wants in his home"

I clench my fists at Freddie's words, his dad has always been a vile man. I've caught him cheating on Freddie's mom myself, always flirting of getting handsy with the other ladies at the country club.

"He slapped me so hard I was stunned, then he punched me in the stomach and shook his head asking me why I had to be such an idiot all the time"

I start to apologize, tell Freddie how sorry I am that he has to deal with that, but he stops me.

"Beck that's not why I'm telling you, I'm telling you because despite that I still came back to school because no matter how many times I have to look at him and watch him take pleasure from my pain, I will always feel my best when I'm walking away from him, even if it isn't permanent"

Although his words are genuine I have a hard time believing them, or maybe just believing they could be true for me as well. Would I ever feel more powerful then my father?

"Thanks Freddie"

He shrugs and gives me a half asses smile, but then gives me a look.

"Don't let him control your life Beckett, when you're away from him you get to make your choices. Don't take that away from yourself"

I nod although I don't know if it's true yet. Will I listen to Freddie's words? I bite my lip thinking about it. Maybe I will, but then again maybe I won't. I decide in that moment I'll go to dinner and then I'll decide.

"Do you want to sit with us for dinner?"

Freddie looks surprised by my question, likely because of how random it is, but still I see a small smile take over his face and he nods.

"Sure, thanks"

The bell goes off and I move away from him in the opposite direction.

"I'm gonna go get Jasper and I'll meet you there"

Once he nods in agreement I head upstairs and find Jasper in his room.

"Ever heard of knocking?"

I roll my eyes at his mock attitude.

"I did and you didn't answer, it's dinner time"

Jasper nods and get up off his bed.

"I know, unfortunately I can hear that stupid bell in here loud and clear"

I chuckle because realistically it's not that loud.

"For someone who had a nap, you're pretty cranky"

Jasper shakes his head.

"Didn't really nap"

This has me lifting a brow.

"Um you were In bed with me"

He nods, but that doesn't help me understand .

"If you were in bed with me, what were you doing?"

Jasper shrugs as if his answer is normal.

"Being with you"

My brows raise automatically surprised by his words.

"Oh...we'll that's..."

He rolls his eyes and shoves past me towards the door.

"It's not weird Beck, you wanted a nap and I wanted to spend time with you"

I nod and reach up grabbing his face so I can kiss him.

"It's not weird, it's cute"

He groans and pushes me away from him.

"Whatever, let's go eat before I starve to death"

That has me chuckling.

"You're starting to sound like Brody"

When we walk in the doors Jasper stops and gives me a look.

"He's sitting with us?"

I sigh heavily "can you just try to get to know him"

Jasper doesn't put up an argument like I expected only shrugging, but he still seems less then thrilled.

We sit down at the table and Jasper says hello to Brody & Derek only bothering to give Freddie a nod. I smile lightly anyway, a nod is better then nothing.

"Anyone see if next weeks menu is out yet?"

The second the question leaves Derek's mouth Brody grins slapping the table.

"Taco Tuesday baby!"

I nearly jump from my chair.

"Jesus Brody yell it a little louder next time"

Of course my words get shoved right back at me when he cups his hands around his mouth and bellows.

"TACO TUESDAY BABY!!"

He grins at me, but his face quickly goes sheepish and someone speaks behind me.

"Brody I will take tacos off the menu if you scream like that in my cafeteria again"

Brody winces and Derek snickers next to him.

"Sorry Sharon"

I turn and smile at the head lunch lady.

"We'll try to keep him in line from now on promise"

She gives us a knowing look before returning her stink eye to Brody and walking away. Brody shrugs at us laughing.

"Oops"

Derek groans "you're going to be the death of me, I did not sign up to deal with children"

Brody feigns offence slapping a hand to his chest and shaking his head, but we're all quite aware he's being dramatic and Derek only rolls his eyes.

"Okay enough Brody, eat your food like a good boy would you?"

That has the table laughing again, but Brody listens and goes back to eating. I take that as an opportunity to nod at Derek.

"My mom invited you and Jasper over for dinner tomorrow"

He sets his lips in a firm line and I note the way his jaw clenches.

"You're going?"

I can feel both Jaspers gaze and Freddie's burning a whole in either side of my head. I make sure to speak my answer firmly so both of them understand this is an argument.

"Yes. I'm going."

Derek looks annoyed at my answer and I'm surprised when both Jasper and Freddie don't say anything, but Brody shakes his head.

"Um rude, why wasn't I invited?"

Jasper scoffs.

"Be happy you weren't, I'm not excited"

I turn and give him a look. I don't want to go without Jasper, but I have and I will. I won't force him to be somewhere he doesn't want to be.

"You don't have to come"

He only rolls his eyes.

"You're not going alone. End of story"

As his mentor I shouldn't let him talk to me that way, but I let it slide and he drops the subject.

Derek however grunts "I'll be there"

I nod and mumble a quiet "thanks" before sliding my plate away from myself.

Thinking about my father often makes me loose my appetite.

•••
A shorter chapter, but i didn't want to leave you guys hanging any longer. I started my new job today and for those who are interested; it went well. I'm going to try my best to keep up on everything I have to do, but until Then I get into the swing of things my uploads may be sporadic!

I apologize you've all been so seer so far. :)

Word Count: 2110


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