With very little enthusiasm I did my best to appease everyone and keep Mrs.Smith happy because I'm worried about Beckett. I wouldn't have pissed his dad off if I knew he'd be alone with him after. I clench my jaw at the thought and beat myself up for probably the hundredth time this evening.
Mrs.Smith is just pulling a new women forward to introduce me to when I see Beckett in clear distress moving quickly toward the stairs. I don't give her time to introduce me and instead grunt a quick "excuse me" and rush after him.
I find Beckett in his bathroom rummaging around frantically in a drawer.
"What the fuck happened?"
My voice is harsh and he jumps looking at me wide eyed.
"Nothing. I'm getting a new tie. Spilt wine on this one"
As soon as he starts with the lie it's like his body knows what to do and he immediately composes himself back into the proper son he tries so hard to be. His early frantic energy is gone and he nods along as if this is the only truth; He's fine. I know it's bullshit.
"Don't fucking lie to me Beckett"
He glances over already tying a new tie.
"I'm not"
I glare and step toward him.
"You are and we both fucking know it. Did he..."
I swallow stiffly and Beckett's face hardens.
"He didn't do anything, drop it. We need to get back downstairs"
I curse.
"fuck that! I know he did something you're upset"
He takes a deep breath turning to me.
"I'm not upset, and we do need to get downstairs please don't argue with me"
His words are calm and collected, but the look in his eyes is pleading with me. Almost scared I'll say no. So I don't, I give him a weak nod and follow him back towards the crowd of people.
I don't let Beckett leave my side the rest of the night and whenever someone tries to pull me away I, much to his dismay politely decline or grip his wrist so he has to follow me.
The entire night I watch Beckett and maybe he thinks I won't notice, that no one will, but I note the, admittedly very few, winces when he moves a certain way and the long exhales he occasionally does when we're not in an active conversation. He's hurt, I know he is and it makes my stomach roll.
Derek and Brody end up coming over to us after a while and Derek immediately apologizes.
"I swear I was trying to get here sooner, but I mean you guys know Brody and then Mrs.Frazier had me talking for ages you know how she is and she started on about Lidia and the school..."
Beckett only nods mumbling "it's fine"
Derek lifts a brow and glances at me before his face hardens.
"What happened?"
Beckett doesn't even respond he only mutely shakes his head.
Derek looks to me and I swear the feeling of guilt that hits me almost knocks me off my feet.
"I don't know...I couldn't...Mrs.Smith was ..."
Beckett finally snaps "nothing happened."
He lowers his voice so the people around us won't hear and glares.
"Not a single fucking thing. Now drop it, both of you"
Derek clenches his jaw and scoffs.
"starting to sound like Jordan"
Beckett's entire body goes ridged at Derek's words and he walks away without so much as a glance behind him.
Immediately Derek curses "shit"
I glare at him "what the hell?"
He shakes his head.
"it was a low fucking blow I shouldn't have said it, I'll go talk to him"
Derek moves after Beckett and I turn to Brody confused.
He only shrugs "no one tells me shit"
I give him a weak smile, but I can't even make myself feel better around Brody. This whole fucking night has been awful and now to top it off I'm feeling queasy about what happened with Beckett. It's my fucking fault.
Brody sighs.
"how many old ladies you have to talk to?"
I force a chuckle "at least 30"
He groans.
"same and they all wanted to donate to me...like fuck does it say charity case on my fucking forehead?"
I shake my head "bullshit"
He nods and thankfully a moment later Derek comes back with Beckett, who looks slightly better then before. Although Derek's face has hardened significantly. I cringe as jealously swirls in my stomach, he told Derek what happened?
Beckett gives me a look and for the first time tonight I feel like I'm actually looking at the Beckett who I like, but he just looks conflicted. I move toward him, but he shakes his head once and I stop. Maybe this is my fault, I should have just played the fucking grateful poor boy.
We stand around and mingle for the rest of the evening and it's tense, but only as tense as anything can be with Brody around.
"When's dinner? We've been here for fucking hours?"
A few ladies gasp behind us, but Derek just chuckles and shakes his head.
"You've eaten off nearly every tray in here"
Brody's eyes widen holding up the devilled egg he's holding.
"this shit?! I thought this was a fucking sample!"
I shake my head at his dramatics and even Beckett cracks a smile.
"I'm sure Derek will order you a pizza when you get back to his house"
Brody immediately turns to Derek for conformation. Derek rolls his eyes nodding.
"You guys can come to"
Beckett shakes his head.
"take Jasper, I won't be joining you"
I bite my lip, I don't like this Beckett. The one who acts all fucking prim and proper. Like if he lets up the snobs might see he's actually human.
"I'm not going"
Beckett doesn't even try to argue with me, he just lets out a sigh. Derek takes Brody home after a wave to go ahead from Beckett and thankfully most of the other guest follow suite. When they're a only a handful of people left Beckett turns towards the stairs.
"My mom and the Loretta will let everyone else out"
I nod and follow him upstairs. He turns toward his room without another word to me, but I follow him.
"Beckett?"
He looks up and he looks tired, exhausted even. Just all around drained.
"I'm tired Jasper please go"
I shake my head.
"I'm not going anywhere until you tell me what happened, whatever it is it's my fucking fault!"
I don't know why I'm yelling at him. I just want him to be honest with me, and I feel bad, but Beckett doesn't seem to care. He just shakes his head.
"It doesn't fucking matter okay? I dealt with it and you didn't have to wear the fucking suit right?!"
I bite my lip taken aback.
"Are..you're mad at me?"
He sighs retreating into himself again and shakes his head.
"No. I'm not...this isn't your fault"
I step forward again even if he says it's not I know it is.
"Please tell me what happened"
His face hardens.
"Fuck Jasper fine"
He rips his tie off and yanks his shirt open popping the buttons as he goes and pulls it to the side so I can see the large red welt just above his right peck.
"This is what fucking happened okay?! Now piss off"
I don't speak, but I don't go either. I step forward and run my hand on the skin next to it. Immediately retracting it when he hisses in pain.
"Don't"
I bite my lip "it hurts still?"
He sighs.
"it's been hurting all fucking night okay? So fuck me if I'm irritated"
I shake my head.
"I didn't...you can be mad at me. It is my fault"
He scoffs and stands up walking into his bathroom.
"Don't be fucking stupid. It doesn't matter either way he would have found another reason to punish me"
I follow after him and watch from the doorway as he grabs a tube of ointment out of a drawer and squeezes it onto his finger to rub on the welt.
"I'm not mad at you, it's not your fault, and I'm fine okay?"
Finally my anger surfaces full force, surprising me it hadn't come sooner.
"I'm going to fucking kill him"
I turn and move toward the door determined to find Beckett's dad and hurt him like he hurt Beckett, but Beckett grabs my arm before I can walk down the stairs.
"Don't. There's still people downstairs"
I glare "that's your fucking argument!?"
He shakes his head "just leave it Jasper"
My hands are balled into fists at my side and all I want to do is beat them into Beckett's fathers face, but he looks so defeated. I suck in a large unhappy breath and step back from the stairs.
"The next time I see him I'll tear his fucking face off"
Beckett winces at the threat.
"Just behave Jasper"
I scoff.
"it's unbelievable you don't want me to tear him apart he fucking burnt you!"
Beckett sighs "and he'll do it again."
I seethe "like fuck"
I shake my head.
"Cold day in hell before I let that fucking happen again"
Jasper lets out a humourless laugh.
"I can't argue with you right now. My chest is fucking throbbing just don't do anything tonight"
With that he turns back towards his bedroom, and just like before I follow him.
"Jasper please"
I sigh "I'm not going to do anything, tonight."
He nods "thank you"
He moves toward his bathroom tossing his shirt and unbuckling his pants. The thought of Beckett's pants reminds me of the many encounters in each of our rooms at Balton's and I'm dawned with the realization that I don't want to go back to my room because I miss that.
Coming here has brought nothing, but a wedge between us and as angry as I am. I just want to have Beckett for a second like I did at school.
He comes back out of his bathroom in boxers and a t-shirt barely glancing at me.
"Go to bed Jasper, or go to Derek's"
He starts climbing in his bed and clicks off his light when I grunt.
"Can I sleep with you?"
It's silent in his room for a moment before he mumbles.
"What?"
I sigh.
"I know we're not...good right now. Trust me I'm still pissed, but I just want to..."
I don't have to finish the sentence.
"Yeah...okay"
I move toward the bed discarding my pants as I do and pull the blanket away and getting in beside him. Beckett slides over, but I groan.
"Can I hold you?"
He pauses his movements to slide away from me and nods into the dark.
"Okay"
I pull him to my chest without a second thought and he shivers lightly before settling against me. I sigh and drop a kiss onto his head. I wish we could stay like this, because despite Beckett's posh exterior falling off tonight I know tomorrow will be just another day with the boy from Manning Heights.
I squeeze Beckett a little tighter at that thought. One more full day and we'll go back to Balton's and with any luck we can forget this shit show ever happened.
I just hope we can handle one more day.
••
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Word count: 1951
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