2015

'One, two, three!' shouted Penny.

I licked the salt from my hand, gulped down the tequila and sucked on the lemon wedge.

'Here's to Sammy's birthday!' squealed Penny. She downed her tequila and then fluffed the faux fur trim on her iridescent pink mini dress. She was channelling Lisa Kudrow in Romy and Michele's High School Reunion. She'd even bought a big blonde wig for the occasion. I'd backcombed my hair so it had a tonne of volume and worn a shiny blue mini dress with a silver triangle on the chest, just like Romy.

'Woo!' cheered our friend Anisha. She'd gone all out and worn a Union Jack dress like Ginger Spice.

Penny shook her phone at me. 'Mei-Ling sends her love from London!'

'Bec wished me happy birthday, too,' I replied. 'She couldn't get a babysitter tonight.'

We screamed in unison as the 'dum-diddily-dum-dum' intro to 'Show me love' came on.

'We've gotta dance to this!' I led Penny and Anisha through the crowd to the middle of the dance floor and let the warm, tingly sensation of being drunk wash over me. All around us people were shouting the lyrics. One woman next to me clutched her chest as she sang. The passion was infectious. I closed my eyes, raised my hands in the air like I just didn't care and stepped to the music. I used to sing this song into my hairbrush.

I opened my eyes to see Penny spinning her head around, her hair flying everywhere. She must have had about four tequila shots. I hoped I wouldn't have to hold that wig back in the toilets later. A cute guy dressed like the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air started talking in her ear and she giggled.

I smiled and turned my attention to Anisha, who was doing the running man in tandem with a woman wearing a black, white and red hat like Dionne wore in Clueless. I had to show my appreciation for such an amazing fashion choice, so I danced on over.

'That's the best hat I've ever seen,' I told her.

'Oh, cheers! It's vintage 90s. I found it in a second hand store in Newtown.' She ran her fingers along the brim.

Anisha gripped my arm. 'Sammy, this is Thora. She's an old friend of mine. We just ran into each other.'

'Great to meet you.' Thora blew me an air kiss. 'I hear it's your birthday.'

'Yep, the big 3-4.'

'Were you born in '81?' she asked.

I nodded.

'Ah, that's the best year to be born. I was born in '81 too.'

With her cherubic face and smooth, tanned skin, she didn't look a day over 25. I told her that, too.

'Thanks babe!' Thora chirped. 'I've been using the same brand of face cream since 1998.'

I was about to ask her which brand when Anisha jabbed me in the arm. Her eyes looked over my shoulder and widened. I turned to see what she was looking at. There was Penny, snogging Fresh Prince. Her long arms were wrapped around him and her hand groped his arse.

'Woo!' I cried.

'Good for her!' agreed Anisha. 'She deserves a good shag after that break up she went through.'

His name was Aaron. They'd been together for five years and we'd thought he was going to propose when he'd booked a weekend away with her in the Hunter Valley. Instead, I'd had a knock on my door at 1am. Penny had stood trembling on my doorstep and told me Aaron was following his dream of working as a journalist in New York. He'd thought the weekend would be a romantic way to ask her to join him. But Penny would never leave Sydney. She loved her job and her dad wasn't well.

After he left, she didn't leave her flat for a month except to go to work and the supermarket. One year on, she'd finally stopped inserting his name into every other sentence. I hoped that tonight would usher in a new chapter for Penny – one where she got laid. Anisha was right – she deserved a bloody good shag.

'Anisha and I were having a little discussion,' said Thora. 'If you could have any job in the world, what would it be?'

'An actress!' I exclaimed, slapping the back of my hand to forehead and throwing my head back dramatically. Wow, that tequila had done its job.

'For real?' squealed Thora. 'What do you do now?'

'I'm a marketing manager for a bank.' I rolled my eyes. 'Exciting stuff.'

'Do you like it?' she cocked her head to the side and gave me an inquisitive look.

'Meh.' I shrugged. 'I'm good at it. Why, what job would you have?'

'I'd be a fortune teller,' she said, a smile slowly spreading across her lips.

Before I could ask her to elaborate, I felt a hand on the small of my back and breath in my ear.

'Twice in one week. What are the odds?'

Oh no.

I turned to see the blue eyes and lopsided smile of Blair Bradley. A nervous pang that I hadn't really felt since high school hit me.

'Yeah, lucky me.' I took a step away so he didn't have his hand on me.

'You look amazing,' he said.

'Thanks.' At least the effort I'd put into my look tonight had had the desired effect. But if Blair was waiting for me to return his compliment, he'd be sorely disappointed. He hadn't even dressed up. As much as I hated to admit it though, he looked incredible. He definitely wasn't one of those guys who'd peaked in high school and now had a beer gut and bald head.

'This place is great, isn't it?' He looked around him. 'They played The Prodigy a little while ago I haven't heard them in years!'

'You were into Pearl Jam back in high school, weren't you?' I wondered what I was doing making conversation when I could be dancing to Crystal Waters at this moment. I blamed the alcohol.

'Oh yeah!' His eyes lit up. 'And Smashing Pumpkins and Blink 182 of course.'

'Weren't you the lead singer in some band back in high school?' I asked.

'The Green Monkeys,' he nodded.

'You weren't very good.' I screwed up my face up like I'd just swigged some Passion Pop.

I expected him to take offence – in fact, I was hoping he'd take offence because I wanted to hurt him – but he just laughed.

'Yeah, I know, we sucked.'

'So who are you here with?' I asked. Maybe he'd leave if he remembered he had friends to get back to.

He snapped his fingers like he was having a light bulb moment.

'Oh my god, I'm here with Mudsey and Jason! You remember them from high school?'

I was sorry I asked. Before I had a chance to dance away, he slapped the backs of two guys drinking nearby.

'Holy shit, you weren't wrong mate!' exclaimed Mudsey. 'She's smoking hot!' The thick, long hair he used to tuck behind his ears and let hang below his shoulders was now pulled back into a slick man bun. Over the last 17 years, he'd gone from grunge to hipster, complete with a beard. He looked like he hadn't aged a day. Damn him.

'I'm right here, you can talk to me like a real person,' I said.

'Sorry,' said Mudsey, leaning in to actually give me a hug. 'It's just so weird seeing how much you've changed since school.'

'Let's not talk about school,' I said abruptly.

Blair gave me a funny look that I pretended not to notice. Instead, I jutted my chin out and put my hands on my hips.

'So Jason Mason, did you become a star athlete?'

'I'm a running coach. I love it.' He ran a hand through his sandy blonde mop. Male pattern baldness hadn't set in for him either. Damn him, too.

'That's great.'

'Sammy, can I get you a drink?' offered Mudsey. 'Blair here isn't doing a great job at being a gentleman and getting the lady a drink.'

'I was just about to ask her if she wanted a drink,' Blair insisted.

'Vodka, lime and soda thanks,' I said, stepping side to side to Run DMC's 'It's like that'. I may as well get a drink out of this reunion. If I was sober, I might have been able to think of something sharp or subtly cutting to say them. Instead, drunk me just stepped in time to the music next to these guys who had made it their personal mission to make my life hell for five years.

'That's not Penny Spaghetti, is it?' Jason looked surprised as he nodded over at Penny being groped by Fresh Prince.

'She hated that name. Don't call her that.'

'Oh, sorry,' said Jason. 'She's hot now, too.'

'Yes, she is,' I replied matter-of-factly. I felt Blair's hot breath on my ear again and I tried to ignore the intense sensation of wanting his mouth on my neck again.

'Sammy,' he said, 'I've been wondering something for the last couple of days.'

'Oh yeah?' He probably wondered if I'd have sex with him. I'd relish saying no. And it wouldn't be a polite no, either. It would be a disgusted no.

'Yeah. I was wondering what you're up to these days. I didn't get a chance to ask what you do?'

Damn him, too! Why wasn't he being Blair the bastard – the one who'd taken such cruel pleasure in my misery? It was hard to be angry at someone who was being so personable.

'I'm a marketing manager at Smith Bank.'

'That sounds cool. Do you like it?'

'No.' I shook my head. Wow, how drunk was I? That was an answer I barely admitted to myself. What was I doing telling Blair Bradley that? I realised I'd also kind of admitted it to Thora – a woman I'd never met before. Admitting you didn't like your job was a sign of weakness. It was also whiny. No one wanted to hear someone complain about their job.

If I was being honest with myself, I knew I stayed at the bank because I was comfortable there. I felt like I had power and respect, even if I didn't love the job. It was time for me to back-peddle.

'I mean, yeah, it's not bad,' I said. 'I mean, it's just a lot of pressure, but I love it, really.'

'Yeah, I believe you,' Blair replied with a wink and a grin. 'Weren't you into acting in high school? You should do that.'

I took a deep breath. Blair knew damn well that I was into acting in high school. He was the one who'd crushed my acting dreams with his involvement in that cruel prank - Nipplegate '98.

'Oh yeah, 'cause it's just so easy to get into,' I scoffed. 'Besides, it's my sister who's the actress, not me.'

'Your drink m'lady.' Mudsey reappeared with a glass in his hand.

'Thanks.' I'd already said thank you to these men a couple of times during the past 15 minutes. Sober Sammy would not have stood for this.

At this point I realised that Thora was standing next to me. How long had she been there? It had been long enough to know there was history between me and the boys, because she exclaimed, 'So you guys went to school together? What a small world!'

'Tiny!' agreed Blair.

'Yeah, miniscule,' I mumbled into my drink. I wanted to tell Thora not to be nice to these men.

'Great hat,' remarked Blair. 'What is that, plastic?'

'Yeah!' Thora laughed. 'Plastic ruled the 90s, just like Velcro ruled the 80s.'

'How about crushed velvet?' I asked, remembering the dress I'd worn to the spin the bottle party. I glanced over to where Penny was to check if she was still preoccupied with Fresh Prince, but instead I saw a guy doing robot moves to Eiffel 65's 'Blue.'

Penny had materialised next to me, her mouth open in surprise.

'Penny, you look great!' Jason reached out to give her a hug.

'Uh, likewise.' Over Jason's shoulder, her eyes darted between me, Mudsey and Blair.

'What are you up to these days?' asked Mudsey.

'I-I'm a health inspector,' she stuttered. A health inspector? Why in the world had she come up with a lie like that?

'No way!' exclaimed Jason. 'That's so cool! What about this place? Does it pass the health check?'

Penny gazed out over the room, blinking slowly. I knew those blinks. She was one sip of a drink away from passing out. I'd have to get her some water. The good thing was that she was in her lucid state, so there was no chance of an outburst if one of them called her Penny Spaghetti.

'I'd be a little worried about that over there.' She nodded towards a group of people stomping their feet in a huge puddle of alcohol.

'What would you normally do about something like that?' asked Mudsey.

'Shut the place down!' shrieked Penny with a giggle, flinging her arms out.

'Just make sure they don't shut it down before they play some Blink 182,' said Jason. 'I've been waiting for the DJ to play one of their songs all night.'

'Hey Blair, they're one of your favourites.' I turned towards Blair but he'd left the group for what looked like an intense conversation with Thora. She had a serious expression on her face as he talked animatedly in her ear.

'Hey, do any of you guys know whatever happened to Martin?' asked Penny.

Martin? What the hell was she doing bringing up Martin? He was the reason she hadn't wanted to get up in the mornings to go to school.

'Um, I think he's good,' said Jason. 'Muds, isn't Martin some sort of helicopter pilot?'

'A helicopter pilot?' asked Penny. 'Wow!'

'Yeah, I think so,' said Mudsey. 'What else? Oh, I think I saw on Facebook that he's just had a kid.'

I instinctively put my hand on Penny's arm. I'm not sure what I expected she'd do.

'Oh,' said Penny. 'That's nice.'

'I think his wife's a personal trainer or something,' continued Mudsey.

'That's right,' said Jason. 'I don't know how he managed to score a hot chick like that.'

They laughed and I decided to get Penny as far away from these guys as possible.

'Where's that guy you were kissing before?' I turned her around to face me. 'Did you get his number?'

She looked at me with a blank expression.

'Penny?'

Before I knew what was happening, my feet were splattered in her vomit.