2015

Blair Bradley looked me up and down. I waited for precisely three seconds – I counted them in my head – before I spoke.

'So what are you up to these days?'

'I work in sales,' he replied. 'Ever heard of the Marcus M website?'

I had. It was one of the leading lifestyle websites in Australia. For a guy who didn't bother showing up to his HSC exams because he was smoking bongs behind the bike shed, he'd done alright for himself.

'Sure, that's great.'

'Why haven't I seen you on Facebook?' he asked. I noticed that he didn't ask me what I did for a living. A marketing manager for Smith Bank, thank you very much.

'I'm not on Facebook,' I lied. I was on Facebook, but my only Facebook friends from high school were Penny, Bec and Mei-Ling.

Penny's voice pierced the air. 'Sammy! I found you! Where have you ... '

'Holy shit!' Blair exclaimed. 'Penny Spaghetti!'

I scoffed at him in disgust. These days, having impossibly long limbs was a blessing. In high school, it was grounds for teasing. Without even looking at her, I knew Penny wanted to slink back into the dark room of anonymous bodies. She hadn't been called that since graduation day.

'Um, yeah,' she said cautiously. 'What's going on here?'

'Oh, Sammy and I were just shooting the breeze. Spun out that we ran into each other.'

'Yeah, spun out.' I prayed he wouldn't remember my nickname from year 8 – 'Sammy-two-rounds-of-sandwiches.' I knew that if he did remember, he'd say it.

'Well Sammy, we'd better head off.' Penny's voice had turned shrill.

'Wait, you don't want to go grab a drink?' asked Blair. 'Reminisce about old times?'

Old times? Like the time he'd rejected me in front of half of year 9? The time he'd dared Martin to humiliate Penny? If it was 20 years ago, before the infamous game of spin the bottle, Penny would have jumped at the chance to drink with the hot, popular guy. Instead, she barked 'no.'

I had two choices here. I could tell Blair where to go and come off seeming bitter about the past, or I could accept the fact that this guy's tongue had been in my mouth, say goodbye and leave with a shred of dignity. I chose the latter.

'See ya 'round in another 15 years,' I sang out to him as we walked briskly away.

'Oh my god, did that just happen?' squawked Penny, gripping my arm.

'Oh, happen it did,' I replied. 'And I have something to confess. You're not allowed to judge me.'

'Don't tell me you liked him?' She gave me a sideways glance.

'God, no.'

'Okay, so...?

'So... it was dark in there and I couldn't tell who he was and...'

'And?'

'We fooled around a bit.'

'What?! You fooled around with Blair Bradley?'

'I told you that you couldn't judge me.'

She stopped in her tracks, jerked me around to face her and repeated, 'You fooled around with Blair Bradley?'

'You can keep saying the words all you want, but it doesn't make it untrue.'

'What were you doing making out with anyone in there anyway?'

'I don't know,' I said sheepishly. 'I just felt like doing something wild. And look where it got me! I won't be kissing anymore strangers in the dark, that's for sure.'

'Man, I bet he got a shock when he saw you.'

'Oh yeah, and he didn't hesitate to point it out.'

Penny kept shaking her head, as if she was trying to compute all the information she'd received in the space of two minutes. I took her arm and we continued walking.

'Look, Blair Bradley felt me up. There's nothing I can do about it now, so let's never speak of it again.'

'Yeah, especially after what he did to you in high...'

'Penny,' I warned.

'Sorry, but I have to say it. The party and then the play.'

'Oh god, I don't want to think about the play,' I said with a sigh.

Too late. A flash of over a hundred students laughing at me as I stood on stage – and over a hundred parents looking either embarrassed or angry – entered my head. Costume coordinator Robin had somehow managed to hide my bra in the dressing room before handing me a flimsy white shirt and telling me I'd be 'fine.'

Being braless in a see-through shirt, my nipples illuminated under the stage lights, was not something that the people of Willis High – and most other high schools in the area – forgot about quickly. Or that I'd handled all that well at the time. Obviously. Especially afterwards when I'd seen Blair and Mudsey shooting my bra at each other like a slingshot. It had been Willis High's own little version of 'Nipplegate' at the Super Bowl. It had been Nipplegate '98.

I stomped down King Street and Penny scurried to keep up the pace. A busker strummed a guitar and the smell of spice wafted from a bustling Thai restaurant. My stomach growled.

Penny put a hand on my shoulder. 'I'm sorry Sammy, but, but...'

'What?' I swivelled around to face her.

She covered her mouth with her hand and made a snorting sound. 'I just can't believe you hooked up with Blair Bradley. Blair Bradley!' She threw her head back and laughed.

'Sssshhhhhh!' I shook my hands. 'He could be around here somewhere.'

I slowly turned in a circle, taking in a panoramic view of King Street. Blair was nowhere in sight, but I could still feel his hands everywhere on my body.

****

'I'll have the beef burger and a glass of Sauvignon Blanc,' Penny told the bearded bartender, jabbing the menu with her finger. 'Oh, and can I swap the fries for wedges?'

'No problem.' He grinned. 'And what can I get you miss?'

'I'll have the poached chicken salad with no dressing.'

'But the dressing's the best part,' he said.

'Even so.' I shook my head.

'... and?' he asked expectantly. 'What will you have to drink?'

'You can't make me drink in my gym gear by myself,' whined Penny.

'Okay.' I sighed. 'Just a vodka, lime and soda.'

Penny opened her mouth to speak.

'I know what you're going to say,' I said quickly. 'There's not that much difference between the calories in vodka and wine, so I may as well just have a wine.'

'Whatever, just have your boring drink.' She smiled.

Penny was probably right, but I didn't feel fat when I drank vodka soda. I felt fat when I drank wine. Perhaps it was a state of mind. A drink that was clear and tasted like nothing seemed like I was drinking, well, nothing. I was already pushing it with my calorie count for the day with the chicken salad as it was.

We found a booth and Penny took a huge gulp of wine.

'Wow, I needed that after seeing Blair Bradley! Sammy, I'm surprised you're not on the hard liquor and chocolate cake right now.'

As much as I wanted a big fat slice of mud cake or a huge pile of Pad Thai, not even Blair could break my willpower. I thought of the great 'fall off the diet bandwagon' era of 2010-12, where I ate everything in sight and put on 10 kilos. It had taken me two years to get back into shape.

I pushed thoughts of Pad Thai and Blair Bradley to the back of my mind, but unfortunately thoughts of wedges took over as I watched Penny dip one into a tub of sour cream.

'Where does it all go?' I marvelled out loud.

'My metabolism will catch up with me one day.' Penny chuckled.

Penny had consistently maintained her slim physique her entire life with little to no effort. She was a head-turner, that was for sure. She had that striking look, with her strawberry blonde razor cut bob, high cheekbones and thick eyebrows.

But Penny Cook hated attracting attention. That was the thing about me and Penny, aka little and large, aka the same in so many ways and different in so many ways. Penny never really emerged from her shell after high school. I, on the other hand, had made a resolution with myself that I'd be a changed girl the moment I was out of high school.

I'd picked a university in Melbourne where no one knew me and reinvented myself as a confident person. Fake it 'til you make it, as they say. It had required the same sort of determination as dieting and by that stage I was the queen of calorie counting, so it had seemed doable.

To my surprise, being confident was easy when you didn't have Robin Lewis and Blair Bradley making you feel self-conscious. I'd projected a certain image and people seemed to like it, so my confidence grew. I felt less scared of people. Okay, maybe my confidence grew a little too much – I'd definitely made some frenemies and enemies over the years and sometimes I spoke without thinking - but I'd take that over being a wallflower any day.

Penny peered at me with a quizzical expression.

'What you did back there with Blair... you weren't getting in a bit of practice for sleeping with Colin were you?'

'No!' I squealed.

Penny raised one of her lovely eyebrows and licked sweet chilli sauce off her fingers. She knew me too well. Ah, Colin. Sexy Colin. Sexy, recently divorced, 10 years older than me Colin. He was head of brand and the flirting had started about two months ago – a fact that hadn't escaped Penny's attention the moment she'd caught me undoing a top button before heading into a meeting with him. She worked as a visual designer at the same bank, so she saw everything.

The fact that I was planning outfits in my head the night before each work day told me that all I wanted to do was have my way with him in conference room B. That was the conference room with the enormous plush sofa and floor to ceiling mirror.

'Okay, okay, I want to bang Colin – you happy now?'

'Yes,' she said triumphantly before frowning. 'And no. His divorce just came through.'

'I know, and I work with him. It's just a whole world of no.'

'Well, maybe not.' Penny gave me a playful smile. 'I've seen the way he looks at you. He's smitten, that's for sure.'

'But what about Viv?' A vision of my hourglass-figured work nemesis sashayed into my mind. 'He flirts with her too.'

'The man certainly has a personality type,' Penny remarked.

I gasped and splayed my fingers across my chest in faux shock. 'What are you saying? That I'm a bitch like Viv?'

'No, no.' Penny laughed. 'You're the two most ballsy women on the floor, that's what I'm saying. Colin likes alpha women.'

Viv's shapely rear exited my mind and was replaced with a thrilling image of me handcuffing Colin to a bed. My body felt tingly.

'I have to admit, he is driving me crazy,' I said. 'I was hoping that my little encounter tonight might take edge off, but now that's shot to shit.'

Penny choked on her wine as she laughed.  'You could find someone else to focus your energy on. I think the bartender liked you. Why don't you go talk to him?'

'Nah.' I waved my hand dismissively. 'He's more your type. Ask him to recommend a wine.'

'Maybe later.'

I knew well enough to drop it. Pushing a shy woman out of her comfort zone when she didn't want to be pushed almost always ended badly.

****

Colin ran his fingers along the boardroom table as he surveyed the room. I imagined those fingers running up my thigh.

Colin seemed like the type who'd have sex in a public place. I wondered if he'd ever done it in the office. A memory of my encounter with Blair flashed in my mind. Colin's imaginary hand on my leg, Blair's very real tongue on my neck...

Colin looked like he was sizing everyone up when, in reality, he was probably just trying to pick a chair. One Friday night a few weeks ago, at after work drinks, I'd told him that he looked so serious in meetings, and he'd confessed that he was hardly ever thinking about anything complicated. He'd said that people often took his furrowed brow to mean that he was thinking about strategy when he was really just wondering what he was going to have for lunch.

He was one of those people you'd describe as 'charismatic.' The ones with the big title who owned the room. The ones who were as intimidating as they were personable and charming.

He was infamous for his boardroom show downs, particularly one involving a feisty campaign manager named Jim Hunt and disappointing engagement stats. Colin had replaced the 'H' in Jim's surname with a 'C' and barked it out in a room full of stakeholders.

Colin sat down across from me and next to Viv, our campaign manager and the thorn in my side. I constantly had the feeling that she was after my job. She certainly wanted me to do badly at my job. She'd recently lodged a complaint about me with HR, accusing me of 'undermining' her in a meeting because I'd asked too many questions about a campaign that she clearly couldn't answer, and it had made her look bad in front of Colin and Stephanie, the head of marketing.

'So the number of conversions from the credit cards campaign hasn't been exceptional,' said Colin, leaning back in his chair. 'But Viv's come up with some impressive strategies to increase them.'

'Oh, Colin, thank you for saying so,' cooed Viv with a flip of her long black hair. 'I think these strategies will really get us to our conversion target.'

I was tempted to roll my eyes. Instead, I smiled and nodded. Tammy from HR had told me to 'just smile and nod Sammy, you can't go wrong if you do that.' I had at first interpreted this advice to mean 'just sit there and take it' and been outraged. However, I'd quickly realised that it pissed Viv off more when I stayed silent. I'd bide my time, smiling and nodding away, and go after her good and proper one day.

'For one, we can move the call to action to purchase a credit card higher up on the web page,' said Viv.

Cue another imaginary eye roll. I'd suggested that weeks ago but she'd shouted me down, telling me it would 'put customers off.'

'Sounds great,' said Colin.

'I've already got that copywriter – I can't remember his name – and that designer woman working on it,' said Viv smugly.

'She has a name,' I said coolly. 'It's Penny.' Although to be fair, I couldn't remember the copywriter's name either.

'Yes, Penny,' Viv said quickly. She paused to smile at Colin, her pen pressed against her bottom lip.

I knew that look in her eye. She was flirting with him. It was clear that I'd have to ramp up my own flirting and get to Colin first.

What really surprised me was Colin's smile back at her. It was the same suggestive smile he gave me in meetings. He only did it for a second – blink and you'll miss it – but I hadn't blinked and I got the message loud and clear. The battle with Viv was on and, as much as I hated to admit it, it would be a tough one.

Viv was undeniably sexy. She emphasised her hour glass figure with tight pencil skirts and a walk to rival Joan from Mad Men. Today she wore a very tight, very red wrap dress. I cursed my outfit choice of wide leg black trousers and a silky black and white striped blouse. When I'd looked in the mirror this morning I'd thought I looked cool and chic, but now I felt like an enormous circus tent.

I had to act quickly. They both wouldn't know what hit them at after-work drinks tonight.

Smile and nod, smile and nod.

****

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