1998

One Mississippi. Two Mississippi. Three Mississippi.

'Sure, why not?' I replied nonchalantly.

His half-smile turned into a full smile. 'Cool.'

'Cool.'

I waited for Blair and Robin's crew to run towards us, pointing and laughing at me for saying yes. Instead, we stood in silence again for what felt like the running time of Titanic. This moment reminded me of how we'd been forced to awkwardly dance next to each other at Dance Like No One's Watching.

I cleared my throat. 'Anyway, I should get back to Penny.'

He nodded. 'Yeah, catch you later.'

I felt his eyes on me as I jogged towards my angry best friend. How many blades of grass had she ripped from the ground by this point?

'I knew you liked him,' she said in an accusatory tone, peering up at me.

'I don't,' I insisted. 'I just thought it'd be fun to have a date. Besides, it'll drive Robin up the wall.'

'But what about me?' Penny hoisted herself up and flung her backpack over her shoulder.

'What do you mean?'

'Remember? Mum was going to buy us a bottle of champagne so we could have a glass before we went to the formal together.'

'I'll have time to have a drink with you beforehand,' I said breezily before realising that this sentence, while commonly used by people aged 25 years and over, was not something that a kid in high school uttered. The look on Penny's face said it all.

'No you won't,' she said coldly. 'You'll be too busy coming up with some new look to impress Blair.'

Penny had it wrong. I'd actually be coming up with a new look to impress the whole of year 12 and make up for the time I'd fled Robin's party wearing a black crushed velvet dress that had been too tight on me.

'No Penny, my goal is look so good that I make Robin look like ...' My voice momentarily trailed off as I tried to think of a good 90s reference. A-ha! I had it. 'Next to me, Robin's going to look like Daria.'

Penny's hand flew up to touch her glasses and her cheeks turned red. Shitballs.

'Oh Penn, sorry, I didn't mean to say that people with glasses were-'

'Just stop it!' she cried. Now I could feel my cheeks turning red. 'Sammy, you're being so mean! You're acting just like Robin.'

'I'm finally standing up to all those jerks,' I told her. 'I thought you'd like that.'

She shook her head. 'No, you're mean and up yourself.'

'Up myself?' I knew I shouldn't be arguing with a 17 year old, but I wanted her to see that what I was doing was for her own good. 'I'm just standing up for myself. You should try it some time.'

'You're being such a bitch.'

'Don't call me a bitch,' I warned.

'You're sure acting like one. And all you care about now is Blair. Well, guess what? He probably just asked you out as a joke.'

'Penny, I'll hang out with you at the formal if that's what this is about.'

'That's not what this is about!' she wailed. 'It's about you acting like a total cow.'

'Oh, I'm a cow, am I? It's called having a backbone. Don't be such a child.'

'I can't help it!' She shoved a hand behind her glasses to wipe away a tear. 'I don't know how you've changed so much so quickly.'

I immediately regretted my demand that she stop acting like a child. The fact of the matter was, she was a child. I wasn't being sensitive to the fact that I was talking to someone who wasn't 34 – who couldn't even fathom the age 34. And I was talking down to my best friend who I told everything to. Of course Penny would find it jarring. But I couldn't exactly tell her that I was actually 34 and I needed to act tough in the real world to get by.

'Penny, I really am sorry. I had no idea I was hurting you.'

She sighed and turned her back to me. I watched her leave and felt grateful that this was only a dream. If this were real life, it would have been our first fight. Our actual first fight had been over my choice to sleep with my uni tutor.

'Trouble in paradise Sammy-two-rounds-of-sandwiches?'

I knew that drawl. Robin had materialised next to me, her hands on her hips, her fingers tapping against her green faux crocodile skin belt.

'There's no trouble in paradise,' I replied defensively.

'It didn't sound like it. Even your best friend thinks you're a bitch.'

'We're fine,' I insisted.

Robin sighed. 'You can change your look and dress your nerdy friends up all you want Sammy, but you'll never be like me.'

I scoffed incredulously. 'That's right, I'll never be like you because I'm better than you.'

'Please.' Robin rolled her eyes. 'You've been obsessed with me for years.'

My hands involuntarily clenched into tight fists. 'Tell me something Robin,' I seethed. 'Why did you feel the need to follow me all the way out here to tell me that?'

'Because you need to be put back in your place.'

'That just tells me that you're threatened by me.'

'Oh yeah, I'm really threatened by a nerd like you.'

'You should be.'

'Whatever.' Robin held her fingers up in a 'W' sign before spinning around and sauntering away. And she thought I was the nerd? Nonetheless, I had to give the girl props for her unwavering confidence. She'd really fit in well at Smith Bank. I was more curious than ever to find out what she was up to now.

As I made my way towards English class, the sound of the siren morphed into an iPhone alarm. I looked up to see the east wing of Willis High growing dimmer, like sunset had arrived at warp speed. Then everything was swallowed up by complete darkness.