2015

It turned out that I couldn't pay Thora a visit first thing Monday. Low conversion rates over the weekend counted as an emergency and we needed to put Viv's rescue plan into action.

I'd ended up stuck in a meeting room at 8pm with what's his name the copywriter and Penny trying to come up with a new design for the campaign page. I hadn't had even had the chance to give Colin a flirtatious look and Viv had somehow gotten away with swanning out of the office at 5pm.

What I encountered as I rounded the corner to the office kitchen early on Tuesday morning made me wonder why Viv had needed to rush off yesterday.

I saw Viv touching Colin's arm and giggling flirtatiously.

I coughed loudly. Colin looked startled and Viv raised an eyebrow at me.

'You're in early,' remarked Colin as he grabbed a mug from the kitchen shelf.

'So are you two,' I said sharply.

'Well, you were here late last night.' Viv flashed me a dazzling smile. I was sure she'd had work done on her teeth. 'I thought the least I could do was come in early to help put out some fires if they came up when I wasn't here.'

Wow, it wasn't even 7am and she was already hurling insults at me about my performance at work. Maybe I'd interrupted something between her and Colin. What if they were about to go at it on the kitchen counter? Gross, we all prepared our breakfasts on it.

'Everything's under control,' I said coolly.

'Congratulations on becoming an auntie,' Colin piped up. 'I didn't get a chance to congratulate you yesterday.'

Viv's one smug raised eyebrow turned into two excited raised eyebrows. Here came the faux enthusiasm. She opened her mouth to say something but I cut her off.

'Little Emilia! She's perfect.'

'That's wonderful.' Colin stirred his coffee. 'And more importantly, how was the 90s party?'

Viv, clearly feeling excluded from the conversation, wiped imaginary dust off the kitchen counter.

'Crystal Waters and Blink 182, how can you go wrong?' I asked with a laugh.

'No Doubt?' he asked.

'Naturally.' I actually had no idea if the DJ had played No Doubt after my feet had been splattered in vomit, but sure, why not?

'I'll definitely join you for the next one then,' said Colin.

Viv's hand practically slapped the counter like she was trying to kill some imaginary ants.

'Of course!' I exclaimed. 'And how was your weekend with your daughter?'

'Oh yes, how was it?' Viv's voice went up an octave. Ha! Betrayed by her own veneer of niceness. Now I knew that she had no idea what was going on with Colin's personal life - unless she was pretending not to know to get me off the scent that they were having an affair.

'Roller skating, the movies and listening to way too much Taylor Swift,' said Colin.

'Why are you being such an early bird today Sammy?' interjected Viv, changing the subject.

'The credit card campaign's not the only thing I'm working on Viv.' I pulled my oatmeal from the shelf and noticed that it was exactly the same oatmeal Viv was eating. It wasn't the first time I'd noticed that we had similar diets. I wondered if she was teased at school for being big. Hey, maybe we'd bond one day over how kale was the new quinoa, like how Robin and I had bonded over the cabbage soup diet.

Viv shrugged and Colin reached between us to pick up his mug.

'Well ladies, my work waits for no one,' he said. 'See you later.'

'Bye,' we sung out in unison. We both watched Colin wander out of the kitchen, blowing on his coffee.

Before I left, I looked Viv up and down. 'Interesting outfit,' I said.

'What's that supposed to mean?' Viv frowned and looked down at her pinstripe jumpsuit.

'Nothing, it looks nice.' I flounced off to my desk. I knew it was a little mean of me, but I couldn't resist needling her a bit. After all, she'd made some bitchy comment about my shoes last week. An eye for an eye.

****

Colin avoided eye contact with me all morning and I stared at my computer screen wondering where I stood. The more times he walked past my desk with barely a nod of recognition, the angrier I got.

I knew just who to take it out on.

I locked my computer, picked up my handbag and breezed out the door, googling the directions to Goldman & Glenn.

I didn't know what I'd been expecting as I stood awkwardly at the reception desk of Thora's opulent office. A Dionne from Clueless-inspired hat hovering around in front of the shelves of legal books like a UFO?

Thora eventually strode into the reception area looking impeccable and professional. Gone were the knee-high socks and pleated mini-skirt. In their place were black leather heels and a cream coloured pencil skirt. She looked, well, like me.

'Sammy, hello.' She greeted me like I was a client, giving my hand a firm shake. 'Would you like to join me for a coffee downstairs?'

I nodded and followed her into the elevator for what felt like the longest ride in history. She stared straight ahead and I kept sneaking sideways glances at her. I knew she was a lawyer and could probably talk a good game, but I'd had enough boardroom battles to last a lifetime – plus I'd just been to 1998 and back and fought the biggest bitch to ever walk the corridors of Willis High. This was going to be quite the showdown. In a staid, polite, we're in a corporate environment sort of way, that is.

'I love your necklace,' I said, wanting to break the silence.

'Oh, thanks.' Her fingers flew up to touch her gold lavalier. In its place a few days ago had been an enormous gold key dangling from a velvet choker. I wondered what Thora had been like in high school. Had she been straight-laced and top of the class or a hippie who had worn amethyst crystal pendants and owned dream catchers?

Thora insisted on paying for my coffee and directed me to a corner table near a window that overlooked an immaculate garden bed.

I wouldn't let her have the first word.

'What the hell did you give me?' I demanded to know in a low growl.

'Okay, Sammy.' She spoke slowly and splayed her fingers on the table in front of her. 'I know you're angry at me, but I had the best of intentions.'

'Like what? Curing my hangover?'

'Look, what I gave you was completely safe. Trust me.'

'Trust you?! What exactly...'

My voice trailed off as I realised that Thora hadn't yet confirmed that the pill she'd given me was connected to my trip back to '98.

I cleared my throat. 'Can you guess what those pills did to me?' I asked.

She cocked her head to the side and narrowed her eyes. 'You ended up back in high school?'

A weird sense of relief watched over me. Now I knew I wasn't crazy.

'It was 1998,' I hissed. 'What the hell happened to me?'

'What I gave you was a very powerful gift. It was the chance to enhance your present by revisiting your past. You don't change the course of history, but you could change for the better.' She calmly sipped her coffee like she'd just said the most natural, normal thing in the world. But we weren't discussing the weather here. Her nonchalance angered me more.

'How could I change for the better?' I wanted to know. 'I've had a very intense head fuck and now I don't know what's real. Are you real? Correction – are you for real?'

'Yes, on both counts.' She definitely spoke like a lawyer.

'I could sue you.' I decided to threaten her on her level.

'Don't be ridiculous,' she said with a light, musical laugh.

'I'm not being ridiculous – you drugged me.'

'You took those hangover pills using your own free will,' she said. 'Look Sammy, when I met you and saw how you and Penny interacted with those men from your high school, you seemed like you were... suppressing things.'

'Suppressing things? What do you –'

'I'll tell you what I mean,' she said. 'I have what you might call a sixth sense about people.'

Maybe she had owned dream catchers in the 90s.

'I can read people,' she continued. 'It's got me quite far in my career and I'm very intuitive in social situations. I can tell you're strong. You're confident. You pull no punches.'

She could say that again. A flash of Robin's screwed up face as my hand came down to slap it came to mind.

'But you're hiding your vulnerable side,' she said. 'You're still terrified of what people think of you and I think it's holding you back, whether it be in relationships or taking a chance with your career.'

'What would you know?' I queasy feeling hit my stomach.

'You're in a job where you're comfortable, but you're scared about starting that acting career you so desperately want because acting means people will really judge you and maybe laugh at you. I think that fear stems from something that happened to you in high school. Maybe you have to face that fear.'

I looked down at my coffee and realised I hadn't even taken a sip. I wouldn't pick up the cup now – it would start rattling in my hand. I almost felt the bright stage lights burning on my exposed nipples and I could just about hear the laughter from the audience as it reverberated through the high school auditorium.

'It's not just your career.' Thora's voice seemed to echo in my ears. 'Accepting that you have a vulnerable side and showing it now might help you with your present relationships.'

'What do you mean by that?'

'You can interpret that any way you like.' Thora turned her palms up and shrugged her shoulders. 'At the very least, you had a bit of fun, right? I know you got a kick out of ruling the school for a couple of days.'

After a few seconds, I found more words to say. 'Those pills could have put me in a drug coma or something.'

'They're completely harmless, I assure you.' She folded her arms across her chest.

'Harmless? I got scratched in the face by the queen bitch of the school. I had to spend half my time in 1998 with a huge bandaid on my face.'

Thora blinked slowly at me, then she snorted loudly. 'Really? That's hilarious!'

'What?' Seriously, was this fortune telling lawyer for real?

'I'm sorry.' She waved her hands back and forth in front of her. 'But, I mean, did you fight back?'

'Of course! I pinned her to the ground and slapped her in the face.'

'Good for you!' she squealed. Several people looked up from their conversations and laptops. Thora didn't seem to care. 'See, you got to act out a revenge fantasy. Too bad about the bandaid on your face.'

'Yeah, too bad.' I felt my rage and uneasiness subside as I started to laugh. My laugh grew heartier as Thora's cackle filled the air. In that moment, it felt wonderful to laugh with someone who knew what I'd been through.

'Look, I'd love to hear all about it, but I have to go back to work,' said Thora, wiping a tear from the corner of her eye. 'We have a lot to talk about. I'm sure you have more questions.'

'You got that right.'

'Okay, give me a call.' She stood up and smoothed down her pristine skirt. 'But before I go, I just want to say...'

'Yeah?'

'I didn't give a pill to Penny because she wouldn't have been able to handle it. You, on the other hand, you're Ms. Confident. You were the perfect candidate to go back there with what you know now, have fun and explore things.'

'Penny's fragile,' I said.

'I don't know if you realise just how fragile.' Thora frowned

The subsiding laughter in my belly was swiftly replaced with a pang of worry. 'What do you mean?'

'Penny needs to not be so afraid of people.'

Under normal circumstances, I would have been furious and interpreted her advice as having a go at Penny, but these were no normal circumstances and this was no normal woman.

Instead, I nodded.

'And one more thing – a little tip,' said Thora. 'If you ever want to do it again, you can go back to certain moments in time. You just have to think about them when you, you know, take the pill'. She hissed the last three words. After all, it wasn't the smartest move to reference taking a pill in the vicinity of a law firm.

I waved and watched Thora go back to work and her life. Whatever that was.

I trudged back to my desk feeling... I didn't know how I felt. My mind was racing with thoughts about Penny, Blair, Robin and – strangely - mum cupping her scalding hot mug of coffee.

I flopped my handbag on my desk and noticed a piece of paper resting on my keyboard. It shook in my hands as I unfolded it.

Dinner tonight? Colin.

I looked up with a sharp intake of breath. He was nowhere to be seen.

I couldn't help but wonder if Viv had ever received a note like this too.