Dedicated to @alex9582 for the cover above! Thank you💗💗

Chapter Forty-Three: "I'm Sorry."

"WHAT ARE WE going to do?"

Caleb and I stared at the door that led to Sam's old room. We had been standing here for an hour trying to find the best plan possible to get Sam out of there.

It's been over a week since Charlie died and Sam wasn't handling it as well as anyone would hope. Well, there was no way to handle death well. There was never a certain way to deal with death in the first place.

I haven't seen Sam since that time either. He would keep himself in his room and at the most he would speak to his mom but only by saying one or two words. When the funeral date was set, he had gone out to Bath in the middle of the night without notice to anyone. Causing panic, Liz rushed over to the first place she knew he would be and found him sitting in the treehouse, bouncing a tennis ball at the wooden wall.

Caleb had flown from Italy the second he had heard the news. I figured he would. He knew Charlie too. If Sam had that bond with Charlie there was no doubt that Caleb would have something like that bond too.

Caleb rubbed a hand over his face once before it turned to him rubbing the stubble on his cheeks multiple times. It looked as if he was trying to keep himself awake. By the looks of it, it was rather obvious that he had not gotten much sleep either. "Um, I have no idea."

I drummed my fingers against the sides of my black dress, glancing at him and fighting back a yawn. It was hard to sleep for the past couple of days. I would stare at the snow globe in my room, remembering Charlie. Soccer would bark and I would remember how he would pick Soccer up in a way that was careful and gentle. When he had been going out for one of his afternoon walks he had taken with me and Sam I remembered the way he whistled and one of the little brown birds had placed itself in his palm. He had a way with animals.

I shook my head from my thoughts, blinking back tears quickly and inhaling sharply. "I don't wanna-I don't wanna just barge into his room."

Caleb's eyes slowly dragged off me before keeping them on the door. He looked heavily worried and there were multiple reasons as to why he would be. He had been in this position before. "Um...I'll do it. I'll open it. He can't lock it. I know Sam. He wouldn't lock the door."

Out of impulse, I took Caleb's hand just when he put his hand on the doorknob. He looked at me curiously before lifting my hand to press a kiss against the back of it. "Don't worry princess. If I go down for doing this, I was going to take you down with me anyway."

I smiled at his attempt of a joke before taking a deep breath when he opened the door. We stepped inside the room that was lit up by the light streaming from the window outside. Sam sat down on the edge of his bed, looking as ready as someone could be for a funeral. His head was bowed and his hands were locked together.

Caleb moved towards him first, bending down to get to Sam's sitting level. "Hey man."

I could see Sam's eyes glance at him for a brief moment before looking down. Caleb glanced back at me at that notion before turning back to Sam. "Um, we have to start leaving but take your time. Take all the time you-"

Sam stood up, making Caleb shut up quickly and stand up straight. "Oh, you're ready?"

Sam didn't answer. He moved past Caleb and when he walked by me I got a better look at his face. He looked drained. He looked like he didn't want to go anywhere. He looked like he wanted to just stop. Stop everything.

But overall, he looked like a part of him was gone.

When he bypassed us, Caleb sighed, "If this was another day, I totally would've punched him for not answering my questions."

"He's just..." I trailed off, not having a proper explanation but Caleb patted my arm.

"I know."

When we reached downstairs, Sam stood at the door while the rest of his family headed out, starting to walk. Phillip lingered beside him, glancing up at his brother every couple of seconds.

Caleb went over to Phillip, patting him on the shoulder. "C'mon little man."

Phillip looked at Caleb hesitantly. His eyes flickered towards his brother before looking back at Caleb. "But-"

"C'mon Phil. Its time get to get a move on." Caleb put his hand on Phillip's other shoulder and all but pushed him out the door.

I took a step towards Sam who was staring at the window, watching his family make their way down the path to the cemetery. I gently took his hand, my movements slow as I intertwined our fingers.

Sam's expression didn't change as I led him out the castle on the gloomy day that reflected all of our moods. While we were walking, trailing a great distance behind the crowd in front that was the entire Cahill clan and close friends, I didn't realize how much of an effect Charlie had so many people.

But I shouldn't have been surprised. Charlie was a man who lived a full life. And in that life he had made many friends. He had been a father and a grandfather, a brother and a husband. Although in his past he may have made many mistakes and did things one would regret, who didn't? Everyone did at a time in their lives.

So when I realized how Vince Cahill's face through the entire ceremony and Sam's face were identical, I shouldn't have been surprised either.

For most of Sam's life, Charlie was that father figure for him. But for most of Vince's life, he resented his father, mostly and probably because Charlie had lost the love of his life around the same time Vince found his.

Sam just lost a very important man in his life and so did Vince. The entire Cahill family lost someone dearly important and I wiped a tear away, feeling the pain radiating from all of them.

To think I had only gotten to meet the man for one weekend made me think on the bright side; that I got to meet someone Sam loved. And Charlie wasn't a man that was truly rude and bitter. I got to see the side that laughed whenever he had the chance. I got to see the way he ridiculed in a funny way and the way him and Sam had treated one another usually brought a smile to my face.

But he was gone. And it hurt that someone who was here one day was suddenly gone the next. And it hurt that Sam lost another person who was so close to him.

I let out a sigh, slipping my hand out of Sam's grip to use both to wipe my tears away but it was like one kept going after the other. They put his coffin in the ground and as they threw dirt on top to cover it up, I watched every member of the family do so. Sam watched the entire process with a blank face, not even moving when his part of the family was called up.

He slid an arm around my shoulder, pressing a kiss to my head before reaching down to grab my hand. But that moment wasn't enough to stop me from crying at what was happening. And Caleb knew this too because he took my other hand and I could see the tears in his eyes and the bouncing of his feet at the sight of Charlie, in his coffin, fully buried.

My eyes moved over to Vince who, along with his siblings stood over the grave of their father. His expression showed signs of despair and longing. Anyone could tell that no matter what they have been through, he wanted his father back as much as Sam wanted his grandfather back. But I didn't have to have a sign to tell me. I already knew.

But the burial itself, the breakdown of someone in the crowd ringing through the air, the gloomy atmosphere that made it seem like it was about to rain? It was the sign that Charles Cahill wasn't coming back.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Phillip and I sat down on a swinging bench near the treehouse. Our legs rocked back and forth in silence before Phillip asked a question. "So, grandpa died."

I looked at him. "Phil-"

"You don't need to sugarcoat it. He died. I know. Mum keeps saying that 'he's gone away', that 'he won't be coming back'. I'm not stupid. He's dead. I was there. I know he was in that box and they buried him. I know what Uncle James said about him because of the um...eu-eu-"

"Eulogy." I confirmed.

"Yeah, that thing. Grandpa died and he's not coming back. I get it."

I didn't know how to respond to that and I think Phillip got the hint too because he said something else. "And, um, Sam. He doesn't look good. Neither does dad. Neither does Toby. Neither does Ivan. Everyone looks horrible."

"That's what happens." I said quietly, looking up at the sky. It was clear and bright and I feltlike it was mocking everyone here this weekend.

"This sucks." Phillip said and I heard him sniff.

"I know."

"Was it true that he had health problems? That's what Greg told me. That's why he couldn't come to Ivan's wedding."

"Yeah," I touched the top of his head. "He was getting older."

"I heard he was really old. He never used to tell me his age."

"Sometimes some people don't reveal that." I told him.

"I do. I tell everyone I'm nine."

I cracked a small smile. "We know." There was the shuffle of footsteps and Phillip and I looked back to see Greg and Toby walking towards us. Greg took the seat next to me, letting out a deep sigh while Toby stood watching us swing on the bench.

"What are we talking about?" Toby asked, pushing the bench lightly and making us move backwards and forwards.

Phillip leaned forward to get a better look at his brother. "Grandpa."

Greg leaned back as the swing gently swung back as did Phillip. I wanted to say something but I wasn't sure if I should. After all, he was their grandfather.

"I just want everyone to go back home." I heard Greg suddenly mutter.

"What?" Phillip and I asked at the same time.

"I'm pretty sure none of them cared about Grandfather anyway. Grandfather had all the money in the world. They're all just here to see what they're going to get out of his will."

"That's not true. Everybody loved grandpa." Phillip said, getting angry.

"Open your eyes, you little bugger. When was the last time every single Cahill was in a space together? Some didn't even come to Ivan's wedding. Some don't care about anyone in this family. This family is big but guess what? Not everyone cares about one another."

"Greg-" Toby tried to intervene but Greg was getting worse.

"I'm right!" He stood up in anger, stopping the movement of the swing. "Look at this place. Big families have complications. Any family can have complications. Look at us. Our own sister died before she finished high school. What did that do? It caused so many problems. Toby, you're gay and dad had the hardest time believing it. What did that do? Cause so many problems. Now grandfather died and what is it going to do? Cause problems. We're a bundle of problems and we don't even realize it."

"Greg," Toby said in a tone that indicated that he did not want to argue. "You're wrong."

"Am I? Because one second we can all be happy and then the next something happens to ruin it for all of us. Mom and dad are famous? So what? On the outside everything looks great but on the inside we were all a bunch of kids whose parents had to travel a lot to provide the best. On the inside we're all problematic and-"

"We all have a burden whether we want it or not." Toby interrupted him clearly understanding that Greg's rambling is causing him to drift onto another topic he had clearly been holding in for a long time. "Greg, we get it but shit happens. Death happens. And you're mad and I get that and you think-you know half the people in there are only here for the money but we aren't. We loved him. Even though him and dad didn't have the best relationship. We still do. He was family and-"

Greg stomped away at the end of that sentence, deeper into the forest and Toby sighed. "I'll, um, I'll go after him."

When Toby disappeared, Phillip spoke up. "Macy?"

"Yeah."

"I haven't seen anyone this sad and mad since our sister died."

"You remember?"

Phillip nodded. "I remember that day was bad. Really bad."

"Phillip?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry this is happening."

Phillip took my hand. "It's okay. It's not your fault." I'm suddenly reminded of myself when I was nine and my mom died. And I hated it whenever someone had said they were sorry for my loss because like Phillip had just said it was their fault.

It was just life. And these things happened in life. And Toby was right. Shit happens.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dinner time at the Cahill was tense but majority of the Cahills hadn't even eaten. They were all in one of the big rooms with an attorney discussing the will. I was sitting in the living room, picking off the pineapple and ham off my pizza to give to Phillip whilst Caleb was telling everyone one of his stories.

"...And after that, I was walking out of my hotel right and these two cute little girls came up to me and asked if they could get a picture. So, I took a picture with them-"

"How old were these girls?" Christian asked.

Caleb shrugged. "I don't know like ten maybe eleven."

"And they read your book?" Lucas asked in disbelief, taking a bite out of his veggie pizza.

Caleb scoffed. "I doubt it. Haven't you heard, Lucas? My face is famous on the internet these days." Caleb proceeded to point at his face with his index fingers. "You see this? Moneymaker. I'm going to be claimed as one of the hottest men alive. Just watch."

Joey who was playing with Soccer in his lap, rolled his eyes. "Continue the story."

"Oh, so after the picture with the girls I decided to walk over to the park right? I honestly just wanted fresh air. I wanted to feel the sun on my face-doesn't that feel good? Laying down on the grass and just soaking in the sun-"

"Caleb." Someone tried interrupting but he continued anyway.

"I'm telling you. Doing that feels like heaven. It feels good. You should try it guys."

"Continue with the story." Lucas said.

"Right. So, I wanted to lay down on the grass, right? But then I decided that I just wanted to sit and observe everything. It was such a nice day. The sun was high in the sky, the clouds were up. If it was night you would rarely see a star. I swear the pollution in New York is insane-"

"Continue the story." Lucas and Joey said at the same time and I almost shivered at their unison of voice. These twins honestly.

"I sat down on the bench whilst eating ice cream. Chocolate ice cream with sprinkles and suddenly a girl sits next to me. And she was cute. Like really cute and I'm thinking in my head wow, what a beauty when she opens her bag turns towards me with a copy of Living In The Never in her hand and asks if she could have a picture and an autograph. I say sure because it's normal. Then, it gets weird. After the picture and stuff, we start chatting and it was cool until she started asking me 'aren't you rich?'"

"What?" Christian asked, stopping himself from eating for one second. I feel like that guy eats more than I used to. That's Justin's been telling me and he should know. Christian has become his best friend since last year. But their friendship is kind of weird because Christian is a party animal and Justin is the one that kind of balances himself out with getting drunk or high or reckless.

"Then she tried getting my bank info and I realized that she was just buttering me up to get into not only my pants but into my wallet. Like, are you crazy I'm not going to give you million dollars or something."

"You have a million dollars?" Phillip questioned with wide eyes.

"I never said that Phil," Caleb corrected. "Now it has me thinking. Am I going to be with a girl one day who's with me for money or for me?"

"It may be a better chance for her to be with you for the money because being with you for you is only going to scare her away." Christian muttered and I held my own laughter when everyone started laughing loudly, the tension in the room being relieved a little.

Caleb reached out to smack Christian. "Shut up dickhead."

I got up, handing Phillip the rest of my pizza and grabbing two for Sam upstairs. He had gone into his room and hadn't come out all day. Only God knew what he had been doing up there.

When I arrived at his door, it was open just a crack and I slowly pushed it open to see Sam on his bed, papers scattered all over him. "Wh-"

"We still have school. I plan to pass first year and I can't do that if I don't complete my work." He replied and that was the first thing I heard come out of him all day. He sounded completely emotionless but he spoke nevertheless.

"Um, I brought you some food. I figured you didn't eat."

Sam dropped the pen in his hand, using his arm to reach out for the plate as I got closer to him. "I haven't. Thank you."

"You're wel..." My voice trailed off when I spotted something I haven't focused on for almost a year. His forearm retracted and he started eating but my eyes stayed stuck to that scar on his arm. That scar that was a bodily reminder of his passing of his sister. The one he had retrieved because of the accident. The scar where he would've done something he stopped himself.

I almost forgot that scar existed and suddenly I felt more worried then I was when I was this morning.

Sam's reaction to his sister's death ended up into numerous situations. All the way from the girls, the drugs, the consistent drinking. To the attempt we never speak about or mention because that was a time between him and Caleb and I never wanted to imagine how he was that day or the thoughts that were going through his head when he almost gave up.

I didn't want him like that again. I didn't want him in so much pain that he couldn't take it one day.

And he must've seen this worry on my face because he dropped the pizza to the side, standing up. "Hazel..."

He wrapped me in his arms and I held onto him as tightly as I could. "I-It's just that he's gone and-and you-I don't know-"

Sam pulled back, cupping my face in his hands, showing me the most emotions he has given for a while. "Baby, calm down."

But I couldn't and I wanted to push out the thoughts of what Sam could possibly do because another person in his life is gone. I didn't know how he would handle this. I didn't want him to resort to anything that happened last time, where he completely lost himself.

"Just-Just," I took a deep breath, grabbing his hands in my hands and trying to collect my words. "Just tell me that you're going to be okay."

"Macy-"

"Please," I almost begged. "Just tell me you're going to be okay."

He stood still for a moment and it was almost as if there was nothing but silence in his room. His eyes searched my face as if looking for a possible explanation for why I was asking him this. He opened his mouth to speak but what came out of his mouth, wasn't answer to my question. "I haven't cried."

"What?"

"I-I haven't," He stuttered, looking frustrated. "Nothing. For some reason, I just haven't."

"Some things just take time. Grieving takes time." I told him slowly.

At first, he looked confused but as realization came upon him he had trouble deciding on his next words. And that pause, that long hesitation, that silence made me grip his hands.

"I'm going to be okay." He said and