COTE SS: sizes (non-cannon)

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"Cup noodles... so they had that kind of section too, huh."

Learning this kind of stuff was one of my goals in going to the convenience store.

"So boys really do like this kind of stuff? I don't think it's really good for the body though."

"Eh, I was just considering if I should buy it."

I picked up a cup noodles bowl and looked at the price.

It said it was 156 yen, but I wasn't sure whether that was high or low for a bowl of cup noodles.

"Eating cup noodles isn't good for your body! It has too many calories!"

Fujiwara declared.

Ishigami: "Fujiwara, don't you also eat ramen on a regular basis?"

"W-well, that's only after I exercise...

"That's not a good excuse, since ramen is so dense in carbs and fats, so you're almost definitely gaining more calories than losing-"

"WH-WHO CARES? What's important is that you enjoy the food you eat!!"

Fujiwara was very quick to change her stance. Ishigami however, was not finished with his barrage on her, and so called her out.

"But didn't you reprimand ayanokouji for eating something he wanted to eat?"

"That's-that's...SHUT UP ISHIGAMI-KUN! STOP BEING A BRUTE THAT BEATS WOMEN WITH FACTS AND LOGIC!"

"Wait what?!"

Fujiwara, shamelessly, was resorting to insults.

Even though the school calls it "points," the prices are all written in yen.

"Hey, what do you think of these prices? Do they look cheap or expensive?"

"Hmm... I can't really tell, but did you find something with a strange price?"

"No, that's not what I meant. I just wanted to ask."

Shirogane: "That's pretty cheap for cup ramen. It's usually around 170 yen."

Shirogane kei: "Didn't dad eat it yesterday?"

The prices on the goods in the store seemed to be about right.

Also, it really does seem like 1 point is equal to 1 yen.

Given that the average high school student's allowance is about 5,000 yen, our monthly allowance is 20 times bigger.

Sensing my suspicious behavior, Horikita looked at me strangely.

Horikita: "Back then, I would have been suspicious of you even if you didn't ask that weird question."

"But you're better now?" Karuizawa asked.

"Yes."

I took the closest bowl of cup noodles to throw off her suspicions.

"Monster-kun is afraid of suzune."

"Stop calling me that, ryuuen."

"Wow, this is really big. It's a G cup!"

It looks like it stands for "giga cup," but for some reason it makes me feel full just looking at it.

Mai: "That is a pretty big portion."

On an unrelated note, Horikita's breasts aren't small, but aren't large either. They are just the perfect size.

Silence filled the hall.

Hikigaya could guess what would happen.

"Ba....B-B-BAKA! Don't compare my breasts to cup ramen! That's seriously too disgusting! Gross! Pervert! Die!"

Horikita was shouting out angry words, but she was blushing a furious red. Her expression was shared by many of the girls in the theatre.

"A-Ayanokouji-kun...are mine...too b-big for you?"

Ichinose asked.

"Ki-Kiyotaka...you have some really, really funny thoughts in that head of yours, hmm?"

Kei said. She dragged out the second 'really'.

There was a scary aura on her.

Ayanokouji feared for his life.

Sakayanagi, not missing a chance to make a bad situation worse, blurted out the following line. 

"Fu fu fu, kiyotaka-kun. If mine are too small, you can date other girls, and keep me on as an accessory."

Sakayanagi said, invoking something inside many of the men in the theatre.

It was rage.

"Trash!"

"Fuck off, riajuu!"

"Yeah, screw yourself, damn normie!"

"Blow yourself up!"

"Scumbag!"

"Laser death beam!"

'How disappointing. I thought he was logical like me, but it turns out that he's more similar to azusagawa, even if he keeps his thoughts private. Good grief, what a rascal.'

Futaba shook her head exasperatedly, almost amusedly.

Mai was blushing. 

Sakuta nodded. He raised up a thumbs-up to kiyotaka, who was too busy to pay attention, dodging his girlfriend and some other people that had somehow teleported here for plot convenience. Ryuuen had for some reason, joined in. Oh, now horikita had also joined in.

'You know, if I think about it, breasts really can be classified in the same way as ramen. Yuigahama's would be giga size, and yukinoshita's yukinos would be around-'

"Hikigaya-kun, did you just think of something inappropriate?"

"... No, of course not."

"Ayanokouji-kun. Did you just think of something inappropriate?"

"... No, of course not."

Hikigaya chuckled nervously.

In his head, he sighed.

'Seriously though, what a clone. Even said the same damn line.'

Kaguya, emotionlessly, with a dead quality to her face, raised both hands to cup her breasts.

She then turned her head slowly to look at fujiwara's breasts.

Hayasaka was blushing.

'Why does shinomiya have the scary look on her face again? Don't tell me she plans to murder someone like last time?!'

<Ishigami Vietnam war flashbacks>

-

'Damn, did the creator really need to summon a whole group of ike and yamauchi copies just to justify this scene? Such sloppy writing.'

Shut up. The power of plot bullshit is unlimited.

And as kiyotaka continuously evaded the attacks of his pursuers, leaping from chair to chair, dodging various flying apparatus that was thrown by his attackers, all the while cursing the author, he had only one thought.

'Kei's are better.'






A/N: That's right, kei is best girl. Don't @ me.

Since so many of you wanted this scene. I cut it out because I wanted the students to have an even impression of kiyotaka, (and I didn't want to write it so sue me) so this short story will be non-cannon! I actually probably won't write the next chapter for a while, (it won't be for a year haha) since the plan was always to make one episode in one chapter, and oregairu has a LOT to cover in it's first ep, so I just made this ss to give some content. It's really short, only around 1k words. I might write more short stories, but I'll focus more on the actual reaction episodes. 


Just realized when it's not 31 december anymore the one year joke won't make sense :/

Happy new year!

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