As many of you know, Kim Jonghyun, passed away on December 18, 2017. He was an extremely talented and kind-hearted member of SHINee. This is my letter to him.

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Dear Jonghyun,
I hope you rest peacefully. You were too young, too beautiful. Your light was too bright and it won't ever dim.

I can't pretend that I knew everything about you. I remember my friends recommending me the legendary Kpop group SHINee, and I decided to watch a few videos.

Jonghyun, your voice was the first thing I noticed. Crazy right? People usually first notice the appearance, but when you first started the singing in the MV I was like woah who's this boy with the strong voice? And then I noticed your cute dimples. Fun fact-I love dimples.

I watched a few MVs and a variety show, and I thought, My friends are right. SHINee is a special group. I downloaded a few songs and didn't think much of it.

SHINee has been around for almost 10 years- they couldn't disband right? They'd always stick together, always have a special bond?

I don't have to catch up with SHINee now, they'd be around forever, I thought. I was wrong.

On December 18, 2017, it was announced that you were unconcious. Panic filled my system. But I tried to calm myself down. Ahh this happened to a few idols. But the doctors will help them and they'll get through this. They always do, I thought.

Several articles in Korea said you were no longer with us, Jonghyun.

No...it's not possible. The dimpled boy who's voice rang through my head for months..this bright, talkative guy that I'd retweet on twitter and laugh from his silliness..he couldn't be gone.

   There's no statement from SM. Korean media blowing everything up as per usual. Can't wait to see airport pics of Jonghyun slaying in a cute outfit in a few days to shut everybody up. He's fine. He's alive, I thought.

An hour later, an official statement from SM was released. Jonghyun was no longer around with us. I was shocked. How could someone so important to so many people be gone?

Unlike millions of people who were huge fans of you, I wasn't apart of them. Sure, I liked a few of your songs and I wished my voice was as strong as yours, but I can't say that I followed all of your work. But I really liked you..and so many people loved you. It seemed like you had it all.

"8. [+866, -39] He's a great singer, exceptional looks, great personality, rich, talented... just what was so hard for him????"
That knetizen was right. You seemed to have everything that the world would envy...well, materialistically.

On the inside, you were suffering.

To be honest Jonghyun, I was jealous of you. I was jealous of your beautiful voice. I was jealous of you debuting at such a young age and getting worldwide success. I never understood how celebs could be depressed when they have everything I dream of. But there's more to life than fame.

"Sure money can solve problems but it can't solve them all."
I thought that was what poor people would say to make themselves feel better, but Jonghyun, you had a lot of money..and you weren't happy. Money didn't solve all your problems.

Especially what was haunting your mind.

What's the point in being surrounded by wealth, when your mindset is in turmoil? Does the pretty clothes and cars really matter? Does the trophies you receive destroy all the demons that follow you everywhere you go?

People said you hid your pain behind a mask..no, according to many fans you were open about your depression. You wrote many songs about it. Your friends and family knew. You went to the doctors. You tried to fight & were a symbol of many who also were fighting monsters inside them.

"When the doctor blamed my personality with a quiet voice, I thought it was so easy to be a doctor."

Jonghyun, you really tried your best to get professional help. I've been to a psychiatrist before and he also blamed me. My parents paid him hundreds of dollars and all he said it was all my fault.

You really fought.. mental health needs to be taken as seriously as physical health. Perhaps, things would've been different. I'm still proud of you, but I wish you didn't have to think that was your only way out.

I wish I was in Korea at that time and could have bumped into you on the streets. Maybe just a few kind words could have altered your decision.
Just even delaying you, that could have changed everything.

But I don't blame you, I blame the system where happiness isn't prioritized.

"People who die from suicide don't want to end their life, they want to end their pain."

You are right. I just wish you could have found other reasons to live before you made ur final choice. Now, your suffering has finally ended. You finally achieved peace. Please rest well.

-Zainab 🌹

͈ ᵕ '͈✧･ﾟ:* ♡ ͈ ᵕ '͈✧･ﾟ:* ♡ ͈ ᵕ '͈✧･ﾟ:* ♡ ͈ ᵕ '͈✧･ﾟ:* ♡ ͈ ᵕ '͈

        AUTHOR'S NOTE: Whether you barely knew Jonghyun or were a loyal Shawol, I wish you all mental hapiness. The whole situation was tragic and unexpected. But on the bright side, he's finally free.

        Also, I'd like to discuss my fanfic. I hope no one thought my story romanticized suicide any way. I was inspired by In 27 Days by HonorInTheRain on wattpad (story is awesome-please check it out). I felt awfully touched and had my own idea for a spin-off. I day-dreamt of it for weeks and finally decided I was going to write it. I just thought it would be cool to include bts members because I'd love for armys to read it.

        I did not choose Jungkook as the main character  because I thought he reflected depressive characteristics. I just wanted my first fanfic to star him. It's honestly just not that ..deep. If you ever find my story triggering, please stop reading! My intentions are not disturb anyone. I just wanted to show how even if you are materialistically well off, you might not be internally peaceful.

      I hope you all are happy, and if not, please find methods to deal with your depression. I get sad sometimes and writing is honestly a great outlet.

      We live only one life, so take care and use your time wisely. And there are other methods to removing your pain. Please don't think that suicide is the only option left.

I saw this comment on YouTube on SHINee's MV, Ring Ding Dong. Really sums it all up.