↠54↞

In case you don't

My head is buzzing, my heart beats like crazy against my rib cage. "What is going on?" I ask warily, my stomach tightens in fear.

"I'll explain in a minute." Nathan smiles faintly at me, snapping his fingers in the air a couple of times, causing someone, whoever he's just ordered, to play the music that starts blasting from the speakers.

Now, as the area got illuminated, I can see all the electronic equipment that they've brought here.

"Beer and food are in the diner." Nathan points with his head in the direction of a small, made of brick building.

"I am so confused," I mutter. "How are you two here, not lashing out at each other?"

"I'll let Nathan explain it to you," Will interjects, nudging Anaya in the arm, letting her know that they should go. "We'll catch you later," he adds briefly, then they mix into the crowd that is already going to get some drinks.

"Come with me," Nathan structures, gently placing his hand on my back, leading the way, his touch so simple, yet so unexpected and longed for that it makes me involuntarily smile.

As we walk along the pondside, my thoughts keep racing through my dazed mind. I want to ask so many questions but I hold them all back, wanting to see where Nathan is taking me first.

"Voila," he eventually says, pointing with his head at a swing mounted into the sand. Its ropes have been decorated with real flowers. "Oh, wait, one more thing." He quickly scuttles away, searching for something among pink, peony petals, finally grasping a tiny, plastic switch into his fingers. Then with one simple click, he turns the battery-charged lights on, letting the swing get bathed in a soft light coming from them.

"You remembered," I say quietly, my throat tightens. I am outright touched and elated.

Long ago, at the beginning of our relationship, he asked me what would my ideal, birthday party look like. I would have never thought that he'd memorize everything I'd said, let alone that he'd implement this idea after everything that's happened between us.

"Of course I did," he responds, his green eyes gleam with some emotion that I cannot decipher. "A floral swing, a party by the water, a bonfire, which will be started soon by the way, your friends and of course–"

"You," I mutter timidly, my heart pounds loudly in my chest. "I thought that after we broke up–"

"That I wouldn't do it?" He sighs heavily, beckoning at me with his head in order for me to take a seat on the swing.

"Well, yeah," I mutter, plopping down onto the flat, wooden rectangle, wrapping my fingers around the ropes adorned with flowers. "Can you explain to me how did all of this happen?" I ask kindly, straining my head to the side as he's standing behind me.

"Well," he mutters, clasping his hands on the ropes just right above mine, slowly raising the swing, releasing it right after. "It was Anaya's idea."

"Oh," I mutter, a pang of disappointment stings me in the heart.

"She wanted to throw you a birthday party, and so did Reyman, but both of them had no idea what you'd actually like, so knowing that I used to be your boyfriend, she asked me for ideas," he explains in a soft voice, his hands keep gently landing on my waist all over again in order to keep the swing in motion. I like it. I revel in this innocent touch of his.

"This is not a private place, though. And that message you sent me, whose number is it?" I ask, curious.

My arms and legs look like strawberries because of goosebumps. The air is cold. It pierces through my whole body with every movement of the swing, but I enjoy being around Nathan so much that I'd rather turn into a human ice cube than go back now.

"It's Kai's. I used his phone, which . . . I might have forgotten to give back after you'd come," he says and laughs, his voice is so beautiful and melodic. It warms my heart.

"Oh, do you want to go back?" I ask, hoping for a negative answer.

"No, it's fine. He'll survive a couple of minutes without staring at its screen."

"Are you sure?" I chuckle, referring to the fact that he studies IT and is completely obsessed with technology.

Nathan laughs along with me, causing this moment to feel so carefree and natural.

"About this place being public," he continues, his hands land on my waist anew for a very brief moment, and I find myself wanting for his touch to last a little bit longer.

Just like everything else that you described as love. My subconscious makes an appearance again.

"Reyman paid for everything so you could have a private party tonight. Anaya organised the drinks and food. I built this swing and made the playlists with your favourite songs. Kai took care of the electronics and all together, we decorated this place."

"You built this swing?" I gush in surprise, my head involuntarily shifts behind my shoulder. "How many days did you spend on preparations?"

"Yeah, I did, and a couple." He shrugs, which I can see before I turn my head back and look ahead of me.

"I still don't understand why you agreed to this. I mean, you made it very clear that I should stay away from you, but yet, not only you put so much effort into making my birthday special, but you also turned up. Why?" I mutter in a quiet voice, petrified to hear the answer that might not satisfy me.

Nathan remains silent for a while, causing my stomach to leap up to my throat in nervousness. He then slowly makes the swing come to a halt. His frame becomes present in my sight as he walks over to stand in front of me, his green eyes first focus on the nearby trees, then retrieve to my pale from cold and fear face.

"Reyman told me you miss me," he blurts out, analazying my changing expression.

"Did he?" I almost squeal in both: embarrassment and dread.

"Listen, Davina," he says softly, now crouching in front of me, tentatively resting both of his hands on my knees.

My whole body stiffens in excitement, his touch somehow skews the cold that I was feeling.

"I can't give you another chance just yet. I am still hurt and as far as I know, you haven't had yours with Reyman, even though I meant for you to have it." He gazes at me intently, the rich-amber sun is slowly setting behind his back, its rays make his hair look much lighter, almost as light as my chest feels when I'm around him. "Reyman and I burried the hatchet just for tonight, and we did it only for you. He knows that you miss me, and I know that regardless of how much you do, his absence would sadden you."

"I'm sorry if I bother you every time I try to make a conversation with you," I murmur, fiddling with my fingers. "I just . . . I don't know." I shrug, my eyes meet his. It feels so oddly delightful to look into them again. "I try to give Will a chance, not only because you asked me to, but also for myself, to see what his heart has to offer. The thing is, though, I always go back to missing you. Am I a horrible person?" I ask, my sight pins to his impassive face.

"Is he not making you happy?" Nathan asks, making my heart decease because I know how much it has to cost him to stay here with me, calm and supportive, talking about the only problem of mine that he didn't want to be part of.

"He can, but it differs so much from what I feel when I'm with you," I confess, my stomach churns when Nathan removes his hands from my knees, the cold air immediately clashes against them, making me shiver.

"And what is it exactly that you feel?" he asks neutrally, taking off his checked shirt and hoodie. He then passes me the latter. "Take it. You're cold."

"No, it's fine. I don't want you to be freezing," I respond, and start involuntarily giggling when he forces his hoodie down my head, making my hair static and clinging to my face. "Nathan!" I mock complain, removing the strands off my face, sliding my arms into the long sleeves of his clothing. It's warm, the heat of his body is still stagnant in the cotton fabric.

"You didn't answer," he points out, making me flush scarlet.

"Are you sure that you want to hear the answer?" I ask, watching him do the buttons of his checked shirt that he's just put back on.

"I mean, it's obviously going to be compliments, then why the hell not," he says in a serious tone, but then starts laughing along with me. "Just tell me," he prompts in a cashmere-soft voice, his hands land on top of mine, securing my grasp around the flower-decorated ropes.

My heart is pounding like crazy right now. Nathan's body looming over mine only accelerates its already unsteady rhythm.

"When I'm with Will I feel many things . . ." I mutter, my mouth dehydrates in the sudden surge of stress. "But all of it boils down to lust," I rasp, embarrassed. "And then there is you. When I saw you in the library the other day, or here tonight, I . . ." I trawl my brain for the right words but none come to my mind.

"It made your chest warm up and your heart flutter?" He looks at me, his stare is intense.

"Well . . . yes," I say shyly, the tension between us makes sparks of excitement rush through my veins. "How do you know? Do you–"

"I know because that's how I used to feel around you."

And just like that, the sparks are gone. My shoulders slump, my body refills with cold.

Used to. Of course he doesn't anymore. He's over you. You made a mistake, these are the consequences.

"Ey." His concerned tone jolts me from my musing. "Davinaaa," he says in a sing-song voice, trying to make me look at him.

A timid smile spreads over my lips when he gently kicks me in the ankle with one of his Converse. Just like the first day we met.

"You're not going to be sad now, are you? It's your last birthday as a teenager," he points out, and I must agree. "Plus, I'm pretty sure that you'll love the gift that I got for you." He grins, and it's a beautiful, megawatt smile.

"Nathan, you shouldn't have. You being here is more than what I could have asked for."

"Said every girl ever." He rolls his eyes and laughs. "You ladies always act modest, but what you really like, is to be spoiled." He ignores my protests and reaches for something that is in the back pocket of his black jeans. "Happy birthday," he says softly, and hands me an elegant, velvet gift box, undoubtely containing some jewelry. "Come on, open up. I want to see your reaction," he hurries, and I obey.

As I lift the hinged lid up, my throat momentarily tightens. I find myself unable to articulate anything.

"Do you like it?" Nathan asks, his voice is laced with uncertainty.

I don't respond. I can't peel my eyes away from a yellow gold bracelet, not because it's dainty and very pretty, but because its chain is decorated with a tiny bauble — a goose.

"A silly goose." I chuckle through tears, my eyes wander to Nathan's face.

"One of a kind," he responds warmly, coming closer to me. "May I put it on for you?" he asks solemnly, making the eye contact. His green eyes are so bright that they could as well start shedding some light, whilst Will's, they're black and most of the time cold, yet their darkness still decoys me.

"Sure," I reply, holding the velvet box out for him, wiping the tears away with my free hand. "It's so pretty," I mutter merrily once he's done with the clasp. "Thank you." I shoot him a smile, wishing from the bottom of my heart that I could hug him right now. But I can't. And I won't be able to in the near future, maybe never again. This thought racks me.

"I'm glad you like it." He smiles, his eyes gleam with glee.

His kindness and the fact that he made it here tonight, just to please me, reassure me of one thing that I've already known — he's a great person. He's better off without me.

"Tomorrow it all goes back to the way it was, right?" I ask, deliberately tumbling this thought out just to incept this idea into his mind. He's got a girl now. He's happy, and so should I be, for him.

"Yeah, I guess." He gives a listless shrug of his shoulders. "Back to being strangers again." He looks at me, his eyes withhold no emotions. "So why don't we cut this sentimental crap and go have some great time? Just for tonight?" He beams at me, his eyebrows arch in an encouraging way.

"Sounds good to me," I respond, returning a smile, getting up from the swing.

"Before we go, Davina . . ."

"Yes?" I ask, intrigued, and inhale deeply when he cups my face into his hands. His thumbs starts lovingly caressing my cheeks. For a moment I think that he's going to kiss me, but then, he says something that means much more to me because he's worried. Worried that the man who was supposed to make me happy won't do it himself.

"In case you don't hear this from him tonight, you look really beautiful."

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