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I don't blame you

𝓝𝓪𝓽𝓱𝓪𝓷

"You seem very happy," she says, her eyes are watery and saddened.

I was. But then you broke my heart. I think to myself, knowing that I will never let these words roll off my tongue. If I do, we'll start having this conversation about us, our past, what we meant to each other, and I'm just not ready for this yet.

"I am," I lie, feeling awful for making her believe it, but what actually racks me more, is that she falls for it. "So why don't you stay away from me and let me have at something that you before deprived me of?" I unnecessarily spit, quickly collecting my stuff so I can get out of here, not wanting to look into her eyes because I know that if I do, I'll be faced with tears that she was so bravely fighting back this whole time.

I leave the library, lost in my own thoughts. I look down at the book that I'm holding, and I feel this sudden urge to rip it into pieces just like Davina did it with my heart over three months ago. I've always been easily-attached, and the only shame is that I chose the wrong person to attach myself to, and now, as I thought that I was over her, she started intruding my life for some unknown reason.

I stride along the campus, wanting to find myself back in my dorm as soon as possible, but then I look up, my legs come to a halt when a pair of much longer ones unconsciously approach me.

"Ey, Reyman!" I shout to catch his attention.

His forehead creases as he notices me. "What?" he spits, stopping by my side.

"Why is your girl bothering me?" I ask, my chest feels heavy as I use this term to describe his relation with Davina.

"My who?" He chuckles, bemused.

"Davina." I roll my eyes, knowing damn well that they've been dating. Some of my mates have seen them together at parties, kissing and whatever else they were doing.

"Woah, you've got some wrong information there," he counters, his snarky humor evaporates. "We're not a couple."

"What?" I gush stupidly.

"Is this what everyone else is saying?" He mouths 'wow' and incredulously shakes his head. "Must be the reason why my DM's are so dry," he adds in a sarcastic tone.

I shut my eyes in order to calm down, otherwise, I will simply let my fists recreate our last year's Christmas. What does Davina see in him? Is he really like this all the time? I hope not.

"Anyway," I mutter, cutting to the chase. "You were supposed to make her happy, and I've got a feeling that if she's bothering me again, you must be failing at it. I didn't tell her to give you a chance so you can waste it," I growl, suddenly feeling inexplicably infuriated.

"Wait, what?" He gawks at me. "You wanted her to give me a chance?" He looks at me openmouthed. "She's never told me that."

"Well, now you know, congratulations on your revelation." I inwardly stab myself in the eyes with a screwdriver, and then I re-use it to pierce my eardrums so I no longer have to look at him, nor listen to his gibberish. "So? Any idea?" I await, a bit concerned by the way his face grows serious.

"I think that you're the problem, dude, not me," he states.

I blink, knocked off.

"She misses you. She told me."

No. No. No. This is not what you were supposed to say! I wanted you to tell me that you two are happy together so I can forever move on.

"Then she should know better than to try crawling back into my life before she has her chance with you," I spit, ready to say anything at this point just to guard my healing heart. "You can pass her this message," I add mercilessly, walking past him, regretting that I started this conversation in the first place.

She can't miss me. Why would she? Isn't Reyman enough with his looks, money and arrogant attitude? Isn't it exactly what every girl wants? A bad guy?

Davina misses me. I chew on this thought, pacing through the campus, finally finding myself in the building where all the dorms are located. I quickly make my way up to my room, shutting the door behind me way too aggressively.

"What the hell?" Jeremy, my roommate, looks at me in a questioning way.

"Sorry," I mutter, throwing the weight of my body onto my bed, tossing the book I've got in my hand aside.

"You good?" he asks, first cuffing his black, fisherman beanie once, then putting in on top of his head so it rests halfway down his pierced ears.

"I don't fucking know," I grumble, covering my face with my hands as I lay my back down onto the mattress, feeling like screaming.

"What happened?" he questions warily, shuffling through the jackets hung on the back of the door.

"My ex misses me." I grunt, shifting upwards.

"Davina? No way," he tumbles, putting on his oversized, checked jacket over his grey hoodie, sliding his feet into his classic Vans. "Thought that Reyman was shagging her now?" he says bluntly, analazying my face.

"Don't talk about her that way," I involuntarily chide him. "She's not an object."

"Sorry, Nate, but I've got literally, like, zero respect for her. She played you, and now she wants you back?" He snorts, and I find myself unable to disagree with him. "She had the greatest man she could ever ask for. She should have realized that before she decided to hop on that gold-wrapped dick of Reyman's."

"You don't think that she dumped me because of his money, do you?" I ask, curious.

Maybe she did? The truth is, this whole Reyman-stealing-my-girl situation happened right then when Davina was in a desperate need for money. Could it be so?

"Who knows." Jeremy shrugs, taking his skateboard from the corner of the room. "Does it even matter?" He looks at me intently. "You don't miss her, though, do you?" There is some judgment laced within his words.

"Even if I did, that's exactly what she wishes for, and I'm not going to give her that satisfaction," I mutter, fishing my phone out of the pocket of my black jeans as it chimes.

"That's the Nathan I know," he responds in an approving tone. "You're better off with Avril, anyway," he adds, mentioning the girl that Davina saw me with in the library. "Are you, like, together now or do you just fuck?"

"Obviously the latter. I'm not letting any bird fool me again," I respond truthfully, checking the message that Avril has just sent me.

'𝚆𝚊𝚗𝚗𝚊 𝚖𝚎𝚎𝚝 𝚞𝚙? ;)' I read off the screen, retrieving my eyes to Jeremy.

"I don't blame you. You should have some fun and enjoy your freedom." He grins at me in a knowing way. "Speaking about, remember that blonde, brown-eyed girl that you met at the skate park when you stopped by to have a beer with me?"

"Yeah, what was her name again?" I ask idly.

"Zoey."

"What about her?" My curiosity takes over.

"She's dying to get on your dick, man. So if you've got nothing else to do, you can come with me. She'll be there," he offers.

I ponder for a minute, my sight locks on Avril's message.

Don't hesitate, just go. The more you stay around one girl, the bigger the chance of getting attached again, and what comes along with it, is another heartbreak.

"Sure." I give a listless shrug of my shoulders and leap up off the bed.

"You really don't give a shit about Avril, do you?" Jeremy asks, amused.

"Not even the slightest, " I respond, and follow after him, locking the door behind me, letting the thoughts of Davina rest on my bed, knowing that I'll be welcomed by them once I make it back here.

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