↠49↞ I can't believe it

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↠49↞

I can't believe it

What in the actual hell? I wonder, my eyes study the now oddly looking room. Without Rayna's belongings it seems less cosy, sort of lonely. I can not believe that she's actually left. She must have done it when I was still at Will's.

Maybe it's for the best? My subconscious  cocks a brow, noticing the way I keep blankly staring at the empty bed.

Having no other option but to find out the reason behind it, and who the tiny suitcase belongs to, I turn on my heel and dash through the room, feeling outright enraged by Rayna's audacity of not informing me about her sudden decision. If she wants to live somewhere else then be it, but she should have told me first, and made sure that I was okay with having a new roommate.

As I swing the door open, my feet come to an instantaneous halt. My brows scrunch in surprise at the sight of a person, whoever it might be, holding a pile consisting of pillows and sheets, the stranger's face hidden behind them.

"Do you need any help?" I ask blandly.

"Isn't it obvious, Davina?" The girl says, causing my eyes to widen.

"Anaya?" I gush, astounded, promptly taking some of her stuff.

With half of the pile being gone from the clutch of her arms, her face immediately comes into my view. Her dark curls are static, her cheeks rosy.

"You look like you've just walked a thousand steps." I chuckle.

"That's probably correct considering that my old room is three floors up," she grumbles, walking over to the empty bed, sloppily throwing her stuff right onto it.

"So the suitcase is yours?"

"Well, yeah." She frowns. "Why? Has Rayna not told you that she's swapping the rooms with me?" she asks, confused, her confidence shrinks.

"No. Seems like she must've purposely forgotten," I mutter, plopping down onto my mattress, deciding to hear the explanations from Anaya instead.

"Are you cool with me living here, though?" she asks another question, anxious.

"Of course I am. Sorry if I don't seem to be, but I just got back and wasn't expecting Rayna to be gone, like, not at all," I mutter apologetically.

I still feel weary after the party and having to deal with a change of a roommate wasn't on my today's to-do-list. Nevertheless, I am outright relieved that Anaya turned out to be the person with who I'm going to live from now on.

"I shall unpack then," she states, and opens up her suitcase.

"How did it happen then? And why did you agree to changing the room anyway? I thought that you shared your old one with Cassie? Aren't you two, like, friends?" I word vomit, dissecting this whole situation.

"We were, until . . ." she hesitates. "It doesn't matter. Better if her and I stay away from each other for a while." She sighs and starts putting her clothes into the dresser that a few hours ago still belonged to Rayna.

"Oh, alright," I mutter awkwardly. "So what's the deal with my ex-bestie?" I emphasise the last word with scorn. "Did she at least explain why she decided to swap the rooms?"

"Yeah, she did. She stormed into our dorm, all furious and that, gave me a proper scowl, and then with her silver-tongue speech, she persuaded Cassie to kind of politely kick me out."

"Kick you out!?" I gasp. "But . . . wait. How does Rayna even know Cassie?" I shoot her a furrowed look.

Anaya's hands freeze above the suitcase, her mouth becomes a hard line. "Well . . ." She sighs and turns her face to me. "Remember the party we met at?"

"Yeah," I mutter.

"So, here's this thing . . . Cassie's got a crush on Will," she spills, and my eyes widen in shock. "When she saw him come up to you, then kiss you later on during the party, and eventually disappear with you, she was fuming. She was ready to do something stupid just to embarrass you in front of everyone. I obviously stopped her and that's how our arguments started because I didn't want to give her a hand in ruining your night." She lets a heavy breath out and rolls her eyes in irritation. "After the party she looked you up on social media and came across Rayna's profile, who she immediately recognized because you were hanging out with her that night. Well, at least for a while. She then messaged Rayna to find out if you and Will are dating, and I think that they must've stayed in touch." She shrugs her shoulders, her chocolate eyes focus on my shocked face.

"I . . . wow." I gasp. "But this means that I am the reason why you and her fell apart. I am so sorry," I tumble out, my stomach churns in guilt.

"Don't be daft. It wasn't the only reason. Cassie has caused enough problems, trust me, you have nothing to apologize for. Besides, her and Rayna, they perfectly match each other. Both of them are disgustingly two-faced." She shrugs, engaged into unpacking. "And about your bestie." She sighs. "She just said a lot of crap. Ranted on about how much she hates you, and that she'd rather sleep in a waste container than in the same room as you, so I told her that I completely understand her consideration of staying in a dumpster. After all, sometimes we just can't help but want to go back to the place that we come from."

"You did not!" I burst out laughing, my face turns red in amusement.

"Believe it or not, but I did. I don't mince my words." She smiles at me sincerely, but as the seconds pass by, her face grows serious. "And don't worry about that manipulative boyfriend of hers. Whatever words left his mouth, I do not believe them."

"Some of them weren't lies, though," I mutter reluctantly.

"Like what? You working on a sex phone? Even if it's true, I couldn't care less." She saunters across the room, putting her now emptied suitcase aside. "When you're in a desperate need for money, you do whatever it takes to earn it. That's my opinion at least," she monologues, starting to make her bed.

"You are the most understanding and polite person I have ever met," I confess, a faint smile lifts the corners of my lips.

"That's because I don't believe in perfection. What I believe in, though, is that by making mistakes we find our way into self-development. Life's not about trying to become the best, it's about molding your present in order to be welcomed by better things in the future, because the truth is, Davina, you are your own future, and if you want it to be better, you have to be the better," she articulates.

My chest becomes heavy thanks to the sudden feeling of cold that fills my lungs as I drown in the depth of her words. My heart sails up to my throat and anchors at its tightness, my stomach sinks like a ravaged boat, letting a chilly wave of nostalgia flush over me, then take my scattered thoughts back into the ocean of my past, leaving me drenched on the sand beach of my present with only one memory that I have saved from washing away — Nathan's letter.

'It's a hello to something what future holds for us, something possibly better, and if we are each other's future, we'll meet again, hopefully being 'the better' then.' His soulful words reply in my buzzing mind, words that I have read enough times during those three months of forgetting him to actually learn them by heart. And now they're back in my head, loud and enervating.

"Davina?" Anaya's voice startles me from my reverie, her face distorts in bemusement. "Are you okay?" She frowns. "You kind of zoned out."

"Yeah, I'm totally fine." I clear my throat, anxiously rubbing my hands against the sweatpants that Will lent me to wear. "Do you have anything else that has to be brought in?" I ask, intentionally changing the subject.

"Yeah, but I'm not sure whether you want to go up there since you and Rayna . . . you know."

"You're right. Better if I stay here," I mutter numbly.

"Okay. I'll be back soon," she declares, disappearing behind the door.

Her absence should effect in me being left by myself, but I am not, because the memory of Nathan stays with me; vivid, distressing but most of all, wistful.

~~~~~~~~~~

Another Monday drags like hell. This feeling is caused by me and Rayna not talking to each other, and Will being mercurial again. He only murmured a hasty 'hello' when he walked into the lecture hall, surprisingly taking a seat beside me, which after seeing his grave expression, I wasn't expecting at all. He then went silent, and I don't mean I-want-to-focus-on-the-lesson silent. He just completely shut himself off, as if something was deeply bothering him.

"'Love will come, and when love comes, love will hold you,'" the professor reads a fragment of Rupi Kaur's work, her voice is tranquilizing. "'Love will call your name, and you will melt,'" she drones on, sauntering around with a book in her hand, her glasses sit low on her nose.

The poem is interesting, very much I would say, but I am unable to pay all of my attention to the class because Will is sat by my side, outright miserable. I stealthily glance over at him, locking my eyes on his presence for a brief moment, and my stomach churns in nervousness because he isn't even sketching, something that he would normally do when he isn't in the mood.

What happened? I wonder.

"Will?" I say warily, my heart is at my throat as he turns his head to me. His eyes are reddish and worryingly watery.

"Yeah?" he mutters in the hoarsest voice that I have ever heard in my entire life, but I am relieved that at least his tone isn't dismissive.

"Are you okay?" I ask gingerly.

"Not really," he murmurs, idly fiddling with his pen.

"Is it okay if I ask why?" I watch him take a deep, staggering breath. He seems very close to crying. It breaks my heart.

"Well . . ." He sighs. "Yesterday, after you'd left, my parents came back. I thought that he took her out for some bonding . . ." he mutters in a sorrow voice. "But no," he says, clenching his jaw, his fingers now nervously tap against his desk.

It takes him a good minute to slightly calm down, and as he does, I can see the light reflect more intensively in his black eyes as they well up with tears.

"He's divorcing her," he discloses quietly.

I deflate in my chair, simply unable to believe it.

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