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The journal

The clock strikes eight in the evening. I'm already showered, my legs shaved and moisturized, my hair dried and styled into a silk-looking waterfall with two strands on each side of my face curled into loose waves. I clip a pair of small, golden hoop earrings into my ears, apply some mascara to my lashes and a bit of blueberry vaseline to my previously scrubbed with sugar lips.

Rayna walks out of the bathroom. "Going out?" she asks in a friendly tone.

Her question surprises me completely. We have barely talked for the past few months, so her sudden curiosity seems a bit off.

"Yeah," I mutter, focusing on the clothes in my dresser.

"Can I ask where?" Her voice is tentative.

"A party." My tone is clipped. I fish out a royal blue, cowl neck dress with a short, flare bottom.

"Wait, are you talking about the party of Will's mate?" she asks, oddly excited.

"Yeah." I knit my brows. "How do you know?"

"Cause I'm going there, too." She smiles, her blue eyes glimmer with inexplicable glee.

"Cool," I mutter coldly in response, heading for the bathroom door.

"Wait." She stops me. "Do you want to catch a cab together?"

"I don't think-"

"Come on, Davina. It's been three months. How much longer will you hold the grudge for?" she questions, her chest constricts as she exhales heavily.

"Did you like it?" I ask.

She's confused. "Did I like what?"

"The kiss with Nathan."

"Davina-"

"Yes or no?"

"Of course I did. It's Nathan. I mean, he isn't the ugliest guy on the campus, is he? It's not like I have or had any feelings for him. He's just . . . good-looking." She shrugs.

"Well, then there is your an-"

"I didn't want it to feel good, okay?" She gasps. "Same like you didn't want Will to have that kind of affect on you, but he did, no matter how much you tried to tell yourself otherwise. We both made mistakes, Davina. But I want us to be friends again. I miss you."

My subconscious looks at me from under her glasses. You know she's right. It was just a stupid kiss. You have to forgive her.

"Okay." I sigh in capitulation. "Book the taxi."

Rayna explodes in happiness. "This is going to be such a great night! We're gonna get totally shitfaced, dance until we get blisters, and you're going to meet my boyfriend-"

"Wait. You've got a boyfriend?" I frown, flabbergasted. "Is it Liam?"

"God no. He dumped me the night we argued."

"Who are you with then?"

"Well, one guy transferred to our uni around two months ago. I kind of showed him around, we met up for a drink, started texting each other, and what can I say . . . I fell for him."

"Oh," I say, surprised. "I'm guessing he isn't in our group then, otherwise, I would have already noticed him?"

"No. He studies law."

Cool. My subconscious mocks the emphasis.

"What's his name?" I arch a brow.

Rayna's face brightens just at the thought of that man. "Connor." Her voice grows all bubbly.

"Hm, cool. I guess I'll meet him at the party then," I mutter, my hand lands on door handle.

"Yeah, you will."

~~~~~~~~~~

I give my sweating hands a little shake, my heart pounds almost as loudly as the music coming from the house we're stood in front of. I haven't been out for so long that the last party I attended seems like a past life. I hope I look good. I wouldn't like my social comeback to be a complete disaster with no one wanting to talk to me, or everyone running away each time I try to make a conversation.

"Ready?" Rayna asks, her blue eyes gleam with excitement. When I nod my head yes, she pushes the door open.

My chest instantly rises at the sensation of a really deep bass vibrating through my whole body. I'm actually surprised that the house isn't bouncing like a jelly with the music blasting so loud.

"You coming?" Rayna asks, raising her drawn eyebrows at me, making me realize that she's already crossed the threshold.

My anxiety slowly kicks in. "Yeah, sure," I respond.

I'm curious if Will's already here. He didn't want us to come together, so is he even going to say hello?

I quickly check my phone to see whether he's sent me a message, but no, he hasn't.

"Put that down," Rayna rebukes me. "You haven't been out for decades and the first thing you do is go on your phone." She sighs and yanks the cell off my hand, making sure it's all safe and sound in her purse.

"But-"

"No, no but's," she states assertively.

I capitulate, looking around, searching for a tall, sooty-haired man.

As if reading my mind, she asks, "Didn't you mention in the cab that you were supposed to meet with Will here?"

"Well, he wanted me to turn up." I shrug unknowingly, unable to spot him anywhere near.

"Want to look for him?" she asks, but her head constantly shifts from left to right, obviously in an attempt of finding Connor.

"Or you can introduce me to your boyfriend instead?" I ask, wanting to be polite.

"Sure, he should be somewhere . . . there he is!" She points with her finger in the direction of a group of lads. She beams like mad.

We plough through the crowd, being accidentally elbowed and pushed. I keep on scanning the ocean of people, hoping one of them will catch my attention with his familiarity, that his tall body will hopefully stand out, but the closer we get to Rayna's boyfriend and his crew, the less enthusiastic I become as Will is nowhere to be seen.

"Hiii," Rayna squeals merrily, wrapping her arms around her man's neck. She then kisses him deeply, making me somewhat uncomfortable. "That's my friend, Davina," she introduces me to him and everyone around.

His entourage only nods their heads. Her boyfriend, however, puts his hand forward to greet me.

"Connor. Nice to meet you," he says.

I'm filled with courage by his sincere smile. "Ditto," I say timidly.

He narrows his eyes in musing, as if striving to grasp something with his mind.

"Have we met before?" he finally asks.

I frown, taken aback. "I truly doubt that. Rayna said you transferred to our university, like, two months ago, and I was out of social life for around three," I explain politely.

He only nods his head in comprehension, but his stare doesn't change, it's still as ruminative as before.

"Do you want a drink?" Rayna shoots me an enquiring look.

I'm about to give her an answer, but my heart skips a beat when someone's fingers snake around my throat from behind. The person's thumb travels under my chin and tilts it up, forcing me to look at the stranger, who appears to be anything but an unknown.

Will's electrifying black eyes gaze into mine. "Glad you came," he confesses, and with my head still tilted backwards, he leans down and plants a slow kiss upon my lips.

I molten inside at how tender and warm his own are.

He unhurriedly trails them from my mouth to my cheek, then to the spot behind my ear, going further down to my neck, eventually pulling away.

My face floods with colour.

"Wait, you two?" Rayna pries her eyes open in disbelief, then swats Will on the arm. "And you didn't tell me!? How could you not tell me!?"

Will chuckles. "It's just a kiss. Chill out." He pinches her tiny nose with the knuckles of his index and middle finger.

"A kiss with my best friend," she clarifies, crossing her arms over her chest.

"I see you two are good again?" Will questions, changing the subject, his eyes fall upon me.

"Yeah, we are." I shoot him a warm smile.

"You alright mate?" Connor speaks to Will, causing him to arch his brows. "You must be Rayna's other friend. The one that she always finds excuses to go for coffee with," he says in a surprisingly friendly tone, shaking Will's hand.

"Yeah, that must be me." Will seems amused. "Also the same one who told that cowardly, blonde bird to message you when she finally got your number." He glimpses at Rayna, who immediately blushes.

"Well, cheers for that, man. Glad she did," Connor responds, nuzzling at Rayna's neck, making her giggle.

"Want a drink?" Will cocks his eyebrow at me and stuffs one of his hands into the depth of his pocket, holding a beer in the other one.

"Are you offerring me alcohol, Mr. Reyman? What if I make a scene again?" I feign repentance.

"To beat the ones you've already caused in the past, you'd probably have to flash your tits," he responds, then laughs, seeing how speechless I am. "I'm joking, Davina. As long as I keep my eyes on you, you should be fine."

"It's not like I want you to take them off me anyway." My voice is confident.

His pupils dilate, his stare becomes dangerous in a promise of things I wish he could do to me once again.

"What do you want to drink then?" he changes the subject, his tone gained some inexplicable cold.

I shrug. "You decide."

"Okay then. Stay here. I won't be long," he says, then disappears into other room, meanwhile bumping fists with some mates that notice him.

Minutes elapse. Rayna, her boyfriend and his friends laugh and chat whilst and I'm just stood still, lost in thought.

"You alright?" Connor asks, startling me out, his caramel eyes focus on my face.

"Yeah, I'm good. I'm just waiting for . . ." I make a pause, turning my head behind my shoulder to see if Will is anywhere close. I let out a breath of relief when I spot him nearby. His presence makes my stomach instantly twists and my eyes shut in a brief blink, as if they were two polaroids capturing his beauty.

Will looks astonishing as usual, especially today with his hair cut short on the sides, fading into skin at the level of his earlobes. He presents himself dashing. The sleeves of his white, plain shirt are rolled up to his elbows, its fabric tucked underneath the waist line of his smart-ish, black trousers. To my amazement, he's not wearing a belt.

My eyes follow a pair of white sneakers. Will's feet lead him in the direction of our group. All of a sudden, he stops, and my sight moves upwards, focusing on his face. His lips move as he speaks to someone, my eyebrows knit together once I notice the girl he's chatting to. I don't know who she is, but she's very pretty, and the way she elicits a smile from him makes my blood boil in jealousy. He then points at us with the cups he's holding, probably explaining to her that he's with us, which causes my insecurity to dissipate. I peel my eyes away.

Moments later he finds himself back by my side. "There you go," he says politely, handing me a cup with something that is surely coke and ice, but the alcohol might be anything. "Malibu," he clarifies, as if reading my mind.

I smile. I like coconuts. "Thanks. I-"

"Can you hold my cup for a second?" he asks.

I'm confused, my brows furrowed, but I nod in agreement.

"Thanks, Davina. I'll be right back," he announces, then disappears back into the throng.

My stomach plummets to the floor as I notice him walk over to that girl he's just spoken to. She's still there, waiting for him, her arm stretched forward. Will grabs her hand and leads her to the dancing area.

What the-

"Didn't he just kiss you?" Connor asks, probably as bewildered as I am. "And now he's gone dancing with some other lass?" He lowers his brows, shooting me a weird, kind of amused look.

"And what's so surprising about it?" one of his friends chimes in, unfazed. "It's Reyman. With his popularity he's entitled to be greedy with his choices."

"Wait, you know Will?" I ask, taken aback.

"Not personally, but how could I not have heard about him if he's the one girls always talk about. They crush on him, now even more since he started dressing differently and became more of a dick than he was before," he explains quickly, his hands remain in the kangaroo pocket of his hoodie. "You're no different, I assume, so give up your hopes. Just because he kissed you doesn't mean he's actually into you. Reyman likes to shag a bird every now and then, but that's all he does. No dates, no hard feelings. Well, at least that's what I've heard."

I swallow hard. I could question this guy's statement if what he pointed out wasn't already true. Will told me himself that he has never fallen in love, probably never dated anyone either, so why would he change his mind now?

Rayna tries to take my side. "Craig, I'm sure it's up to Will whether-"

"No, it's cool. It's not like I care anyway," I mutter in response, then pass Will's drink to Rayna. "I need to find a toilet," I lie, and start hastily making myself absent.

Her voice stops me.

"Want me to go with you?"

"No, I'll be fine, but thanks," I mutter, and disappear as quickly as I only can. I can feel their stares on my back. I'm pretty sure they know that I do somewhat care about Will.

The distance I can still walk becomes shorter and shorter. Eventually, I find myself at the door leading to a backyard. What on earth should I do now? Should I lock myself in some room or simply sneak out and go home?

Or you could make some friends? My subconscious rushes with an idea.

Surprising myself, I actually agree with her. My eyes scan the crowd in order to pick someone who looks friendly enough to start a conversation with. And then I notice them; two girls chatting, one of them is very short with sandy blonde hair cut into a bob, dressed in a very extravagant and sparkly dress. The other girl is adorned from head to toe with gold jewelry, which composes beautifully with her clear, dark skin. Her long, curly hair reaches her bottom.

I approach them. My lips curve into an awkward smile. "Hi," I mutter, anxious. "I really like your hair," I compliment, pointing with my head at the waterfall of dark curls.

The girl turns her attention to me. "Oh, thanks." Her full, red lips stretch into a wide, Julia Roberts smile. "Love your earrings," she compliments back.

"Mind if I join you?" I ask, biting on the inside of my cheek. Fear of being rejected grips my heart.

"Not at all," the other girl responds politely. "What's your name?"

"Davina," I reply. Sparks of stress still course through my veins.

"Well, I'm Cassie, and this is Anaya," the blonde one introduces herself and her friend.

I'm about to say something in response, but my nostrils get filled with an aftershave, which I'll never be able to mistake for anything else in the world.

"Why did you run away?" Will asks, placing his hand on my waist to pull me aside, first excusing us.

My eyebrows shoot up to the roof of my forehead. "You're the one who decided to go and dance with some chick."

"What's your problem now?" He looks at me, confused.

"Why did you ask me to come to this party? So I can look at you having fun with other girls?" I snort incredulously.

"She asked me to dance, and a man should never make a lady feel bad by rejecting her in public." He ducks his head to the side. His eyes are warm and withhold disbelief of me being so sensitive to his actions. "It meant nothing to me if that's what you want to know," he clarifies, his fingers grip tighter into my waist in an act of reassurance.

"Obviously it didn't. It never does, does it?" I shake my head in frustration and remove his hands from my body.

"What are you on about now?" he questions, a layer of irritation coats his voice.

"Nothing. I just need a drink," I mutter, then dump half of the contents of my cup down my throat. The coconut flavour explodes in my mouth.

"Did I make you jealous?" he asks out of the blue.

My stomach ties into knots. "No, of course-"

"You're such a bad liar, Davina." He chuckles heartily, his black eyes travel up and down my body, eventually stopping at my lips.

"Dance with me," I gush, catching him completely off guard.

"What?"

"You said that a man shouldn't reject a lady in public. Well, we are in public, and I am a lady asking you to dance, so?" I cock an eyebrow, confidently awaiting his reaction.

He sighs, amused, his eyes narrow in mock frustration. "You're so cunning."

"Is that a yes?" I keep gazing into his black eyes, wishing their darkness could swallow this house and leave us both grabbling for each others bodies.

"Yes, Davina. I will have this dance with you." His voice is solemn whilst he dramatically rolls his eyes at me. He then puts our cups aside and proffers his hand.

My palm feels small in his own. My stomach flips at this sensation. Will's tall body makes me feel safe and invisible because all stares fall upon his presence, and not me.

We reach another room, which was established to be the dancefloor for the night.

Will places one of his hands on my waist. My face is at the level of his chiseled torso. We quickly pick up the rhythm, our forearms move back and forth as we swirl around the floor, our feet change their positions every single second. The music flows through the air, thick and intoxicating.

We keep dancing without saying a word. I decide to take the lead and show Will what his hands should really be doing. I place his palm on my leg, helping him slide his fingers up my naked thigh, then underneath my dress. His skin collides with the softness of my butt. To my dismay, he doesn't squeeze it. Instead, his jaw twiches a little whilst he removes his hand and places it back on my waist, breaking the eye contact.

Well, okay then. Let's try again.

I turn in a pirouette, intentionally stopping in the position where my back is facing his chest. Then I press my dierrère against his legs, wishing I was a bit taller so his crotch would push against my bottom. His height doesn't stop me from seducing him, though. I sway from left to right, rubbing my body against him, slowly moving down to the floor. Suddenly, my throat tightens, and so does the grip of his hand when he snakes his fingers around my arm, and pulls me up, forcing me to look at him when he turns me around.

"Stop it," he growls, his voice seeths with annoyance.

"Stop what!?" I huff, equally nettled, my eyes open wide. I don't understand his sudden rejection.

"I know what you're doing," he states coldly.

"Enlighten me, please."

"Why are you trying to give me a boner?" He questions, stuffing his hands into the pockets of his trousers. "Is this why you came here tonight?Because you thought that we would have sex again?"

"Isn't it exactly why you wanted me here?" I scoff, looking elsewhere.

"What?" Confusion and disbelief settle across his face. "I told you to turn up so you can have fun, for God's sake, Davina. You've spent the past few months in your room. I thought it would make you feel better if you had a drink, danced a little and maybe made some new friends."

"Oh, so you fucked me, ticked me off your list, and now you're ready to move on?" I sneer, folding my arms across my chest.

"What are you on about? What fucking list?" He gives me a furrowed look, pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration.

"People say-"

"Don't even hit me with that shit, Davina." His jaw clenches. "How long have we known each other for, eh!?" His voice lifts in the room. "You should know better than what people say. How many times have you been to a party with me and seen me at least lay my eyes on a girl?" His nostrils flare as he exhales heavily. Hearing no answer from me, he says, "As I thought."

"I . . . You're right. I'm sorry." My voice is humble.

His eyes soften a bit. "Just so we're clear. I don't walk around and screw birds at my whim. These girls," he