XLVII | Blame

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Fairy tales are more than true: not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten.

-Neil Gaiman

XLVII | BLAME

-REECE POV -

Violet narrowed her eyes at me, confusion obvious in her face as she blinked a couple of times, probably trying to register what I had just said to her.

"W-what," was all that could muster out from her mouth. I took another puff of smoke, it wasn't like I did not know the consequences of smoking, it relaxes me in time of stress and I find it comforting.

"You said you wanted to know why I got those injuries, or where I normally go to right?" I said bitterly, I was trying not to snap at Violet, I guess I have been holding this inside me for so long, that the other source of emotion that I am feeling right now is pain.

"Yeah," she said quietly. "Wait, is she the one on your arm?" she questioned. I removed my leather jacket, allowing the black ink to show. It was indeed Riley, I had been debating for a while whether to actually have a tattoo of Riley or not and without a second doubt, I did.

"She was very beautiful," Violet said, still looking at the ink. I gave her a small smile, before instantly frowning.

I breathed in and out, "I--," I paused as my voice began to shake, I cleared my throat trying to let the lump in my throat dissolve, before taking a deep breath before I continued to speak.

"It was durin' the eighth grade - even before Lilly died...Riley met this guy named Damon, he was about three years older than me and Riley. Anyways, Riley met him at one of her friends birthday parties, he was one of her friends older brother that came to watch over her. Riley instantly fell in love with him," I said, the instant image of Damon crashed into my mind like bricks. I remember every single detail of him, he was truly someone that will forever haunt me, the pain he has caused me and my family is unbearable.

"I don't even know how it happened, but they began datin' a few months after that, he was always at our house, Mom and Dad didn't think too much about it because he seemed like the perfect and responsible guy for Riley," I said as images of Riley and Damon together at the house appeared in mind. Him on the couch with his arm wrapped around Riley's shoulder, whispering sweet things in her ear as I watched them from the kitchen, making sure to always keep an eye out for Riley's safety.

"I had a feelin' that somethin' was off about this guy, but I couldn't put my finger on it. It's was just, he seemed too nice. I know I was quick to judge, but I had an uneasy feelin' in my stomach - that this guy was trouble, but of course, everyone in my family didn't see anythin' wrong with him. I told Riley, Robin, Raven and even my parents multiple times that somethin' was off about him, but they brushed me off, sayin' nothin' was wrong with Damon and that I was overreactin'," I told, there was just something about Damon Simpson that just seemed 'evil'.

"So I believed them. I pushed away all possible negative thoughts of Damon and grew to somehow like him, he was into football and video games just like me, so we instantly clicked with one another. After that, I accepted that maybe he wasn't a bad guy after all," I sighed, taking another puff of my cigar as I started to play with the grass strands.

"Two months had passed and Riley and Damon were stronger than ever, but then, as I told you, Lilly died," I said with a sharp intake of breath. Memories of Lily's red hair and lightly freckled face surfaced into my mind.

"She was my best friend and my first love, when I found out that she was murdered, I immediately became depressed. Isolatin' myself from my family and friends, eating less, talkin' less, even sleepin' less, until I had to go to group therapy. It sucked, I was the youngest person there and felt highly uncomfortable, but somehow, I found myself finally acceptin' Lilly was indeed, gone." I rubbed my face. I could already feel the tears starting to form in my eyes as my throat was starting to tighten. I felt Violet lay her head on my shoulder as I continued the depressing story.

"So I was finally gettin' better, I began talkin' to friends and family once again, eating more, talkin' more and sleepin' better. Yeah, I was still depressed over Lilly's death, but I decided to stay strong for the sake of my younger siblin's...three months later, I can never forget that day, September 27th, 2015 was the day I lost my sister and my best friend." I said, remembering that day like it was yesterday, I felt Violet eyes on me.

"Wait, wasn't that the day we went to the amusement park?" She asked and I felt my lips tighten. I nodded slowly before throwing the cigarette to the ground before crushing it with my sneakers. "That's why you were in a bad mood, does that explain Miles and Jake's reaction to the date too?" She asked.

I sighed before answering, "Miles and Jake already knew about my sister, I guess they had forgotten that was the day she died, considerin' I had only told them the story once and that was sophomore year, but Miles remembered, I think he showed Jake what the day was in his calendar, once realizin' what event happened that day," I sighed again, debating whether or not to bring out another cigar. Violet kept quiet and did not say anything. I believe it was a sign for me to continue, so I did.

"It was a regular day for me after school, it was Friday, so I was happy I could just enjoy the weekend. Anyway, Riley told me she was headin' to Damon's house and would be back home before evenin', saying that I should tell Mom and Dad. I disagreed at first, tellin' her she should come home instead, but she pleaded, sayin' Damon wanted to show her somethin'. I was hesitant at first, but allowed her to go...it was the biggest mistake I have ever made," I frowned, feeling so, so stupid for allowing Riley to go, I shouldn't have allowed her to.

"Evenin' came and Riley still wasn't home, which was odd because Riley was a responsible child, so it wasn't like her to say somethin' and not do it. Mom and Dad already knew she was with Damon since I had told them, even though they were angry at me and her considerin' she wasn't allowed to go to Damon's house, but they let it slide."

"We all started to get worried about Riley not showin' up at home, we didn't know exactly where Damon lived, so we called the police to find his whereabouts. Me, my parents and Robin went with the police, while my parents called a babysitter to watch over my younger siblin's...once we arrived there, I was a bit shocked at where he lived. It was a small wooden house, barely standin' on its own in a deserted area...my stomach immediately went numb just thinkin' about him and Riley alone in that house," I sighed, remembering the worn out wooden house, with windows shattered and wood falling off.

"The door was locked so the police had to break in, the place smelt of beer and weed. The police found plenty of illegal drugs and substances in his house. Robin was holdin' me throughout. We searched the entire house, but as we didn't see Damon nor Riley there. I knew Riley was in trouble, it was kind of like a twin vibe you know? It was almost like as we were searchin' the house and I felt a pain go through all my body," I continued, I could already feel my nose start to hurt, signalling I was about to cry. I felt myself begin to shake as my throat felt like it was on fire. I felt Violet comb through my locks of hair gently.

"A-about a few w-weeks later, someone called the police and s-said they had found a body near the lake while they were fishin', t-they said the body was inside a b-bag and it w-was cut into p-pieces," I said, I closed my eyes tightly, trying to remove the image of Riley's body after we had found her.

"The only reason I-I knew it was R-Riley, was because the hand had a ring on it, a ring I gave h-her the last birthday we had shared together," I said, I felt my head start to ache when still seeing the images of Riley's body disfigured, so badly. Violet rubbed my back to soothe me.

I wiped my face with my hands to rid of the tears - or at least try to, which wasn't working, considering the crying was uncontrollable now. "After a few months, they had found Damon with a group of friends, turned out he was a drug dealer and a rapist, but somehow was never caught by the police until now," I sniffed, only causing my nose to hurt more.

"Dad got his best lawyers to put Damon on death row," I mumbled.

"And did he get death row?" Violet asked silently.

He nodded. "Y-yeah, he was killed by electric chair just a few months after the police had caught him, despite the last time someone was put on death row was about 45 years ago," I said, rubbing my tired eyes, they felt heavy.

"My Dad knew he couldn't bear the pain, so we all packed our bags and moved here while I was in my second semester as a freshman. I once again had to go to therapy, along with my family, but it didn't work, we were all still depressed except for Raelyn and Reid who were too young to understand what had happened. So one day, I met Chucky at a bar and we started talkin', he introduced me to street racin' and I became addicted ever since. It was somethin' I could do to take my mind off of Riley and sometimes Lilly,"

"As for the wounds, you saw me with, it wasn't a big deal. I just got into a fight with someone at the race track and that's where I usually go if your wonderin'," I said tiredly.

"Reece, I'm so sorry," Violet said as I removed my head from her shoulder and nodded. She too had sympathetic tears in her eyes. "Do you sometimes blame yourself for her death?" Violet asked and I bit the inside of my cheek.

"Yes, if I hadn't had told her to go to Damon's house, she would still be here today," I said, which was utterly true. I will forever blame myself for Riley's death and nothing can ever change that.

"Ree--," before Violet could continue, I interrupted her.

"It's okay, I know Riley is watchin' over me and our family, I can just feel it. I know she's happier somewhere else and as long as she's happy, I'm happy," I spoke, truly believing it. Violet smiled at me, her dark brown eyes sparkled with happiness and that immediately put a smile on my face.

"I love you," she mumbled, as I pulled her closer to me.

"I love you too," I said, meaning every word.

"Wait, was it her nightwear you gave me that time I was at your house, and not Raven's?" She asked and I nodded.

"Yes, despite still bein' sad about Riley's death, we moved all her stuff inside a room to our new house here, kind of like to never forget her, you know, like she's still here with us," I slightly shrugged and she nodded in understanding

"Thank you for telling me," She said.

"You deserved to know," I admitted before she quickly pecked my cheek.

I rested my head on her lap. I felt her softly peck my temple as we watched the lake flow down the waterfall.


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