chapter thirty eight

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The last time I can remember being here was when I was seven years old. I do not remember the specific details, but I do remember the experience. I was holding tightly onto my mother's hand while the other held a huge bag of popcorn, my other hand was held by my mom's boss's son, Christopher as his other hand, held a roll of cotton candy on a stick. This time around, I walking with Devontae's large hand in mine, who's practically pulling me along with him.

My eyes ping pong to the different carnival games, the smell of the delectable food from corndogs to freshly popped corn. As much as I try to hide it, I can't hold contain my excitement and I'm pretty sure Devontae can tell because, his grin seems to widen every time he glances at me.

The whole gang is in attendance too, it was Devontae who pitched the idea as our second date however the rest of our friends got wind of the news and basically attacked us in the group chat of why they couldn't come along. Tae was a bit defeated as he wanted us to be alone, but I didn't mind, and knowing Devontae, I'm pretty sure he's got a trick up his sleeve.

All nine of us huddle around as I speak, "Meet back here at ten?" They all respond with quick 'yeah's, 'sure's and nods before dispersing, leaving me and Devontae alone. He looks down at me with a smile, "so where you gonna first?"

"That one!" I point at the miniature basketball game. It's got two nets and five blue coloured basketballs and a scoreboard. The stall owner looks to us with a smile as we get nearer.

"Really?"

I nod.

"You wanna play that against me?"

"Yes. Don't think for a second that just because you been playing for your entire life that it's a guarantee that you're gonna beat me." I say confidently as we line up by the stall.

"A'ight bet. I hope you gonna still say the same shit when I beat you." He smacks me hard on the ass and it makes me yelp in surprise. I smack his as well and he lifts his hand further back like he's about to smack it again and I give him a death glare. He stops and instead rubs my butt gingerly as the couple before us leaves, he takes the spot next to me, rolling up his sleeves.

I search through my purse for cash but as I'm about to hand the man working the stall fifty bucks, Devontae smacks my hand away, he narrows his eyes at me, "just let me pay for once in your life."

"I told you before and I'm gonna tell you again. You ain't gonna pay for shit as long as I'm around." He reminds me taking out a hundred dollars from his wallet and hands it to the man working the stall who I'm pretty sure seems amused by all this.

I sigh, ultimately giving up at his adamance. I pick up the ball and throwing it into the hoop, scoring my first point. I give Tae a toothless grin while he just rolls his eyes. "Don't be too confident, mama."

"Speak for yourself." I say, making my second goal effortlessly. "Sure." He says sarcastically, picking up the ball scoring his first point. We continue shooting balls in the hoops and when distributed balls run out, the final score is 30 - 35. However instead of teasing me, he simply ruffles my hair, then kiss me on the cheek.

"Which prize would you like, sir?" The man asks. He squints his eyes, scanning through the stuffed animals sitting on the shelf, his eyes stop when he finds the perfect one. He points at it with his index finger, "That one."

The man climbs onto a stool, taking the stuffed unicorn and handing it to Devontae. He proceeds to hand him another hundred dollars just for the hell of it which takes the man by surprise but soon smiles at him gratefully. Tae returns his smile before turning to me, handing me the colourful stuffed animal to me; I stare at it then holding it close to my chest, grinning from ear to ear. The unicorn is twice my size, which makes me smile. I struggle to hold it in one hand as Devontae takes my hand to hold in his. He notices me struggling and without asking, takes the unicorn and carries it with ease, "so where to next?"

"Oooh, let's go there." I point to the hall of mirrors. "Okay, then let's go." I try my best to keep up with him as he takes big ass steps with his long limbs. We enter the hall of mirrors and find some people wondering around already, before Devontae can say anything, I let go of his hand and disappear among the variety of mirrors, leaving him alone. "Hey!"

I giggle at Tae's outburst as I try to get as far away from him as possible, "you gotta catch me first!" I yell, weaving through the mirrors putting my hands out first to make sure that I don't run smack dab into a mirror with my face.

"You don't even wanna know what I'm gonna do to you when I do."

Oh, yes, I do. I wander around the hall of mirrors trying to be as nonchalant as possible but fail as giggles can't stop escaping me, my adrenaline is through the roof, my heart rate is pulsing, and I try to keep moving around so Devontae doesn't catch up. "Jesus."

I spoke to soon, I bumped into a mirror as I was constantly looking over my shoulder, on the lookout for my boyfriend. I bumped into it with my forehead, not too hard though. I flop backwards and land on my butt and burst into a fit of giggles, I notice that Devontae has become surprisingly quiet, and it shuts me up immediately. I sit up quickly and get onto my feet, rushing through the halls.

Just when I think I've lost him, I begin laughing under my breath again, adrenaline piping up once again and then a hand grips my arm, stopping me in my tracks. I spin to meet Tae who has the biggest smug smirk on his face. Shit. "Thought you could hide away from me forever huh?"

I honestly did and I clowned myself into thinking that I could. I nod enthusiastically and he shakes his head at my foolishness. "You're gonna pay for that later." Oh.

Devontae looks at me amused, as we eat, "what is the deal with you and cotton candy?"

"Look, I got a major sweet tooth but I'm not about that cotton candy bs." I say, biting in my corndog.

"You're weird." I narrow my eyes at him, nodding towards the diabetes hazard in his hand, "you're the weird one for liking that shit." He laughs at me, taking a piece of the bubble-gum cotton candy and placing it in his mouth. I take one last large bite of my corndog, chucking it in the bin next to us. We bought so much food, but we made sure too not eat too much to not throw up or be too uncomfortable to walk around. We get up and throw the rest of our trash away and I drag him to more games we can do.

...

This was a bad idea. As we wait in the queue, I begin panicking, I'm tempted to turn my ass around, but Devontae was so excited to go on it and I just couldn't say no. I also happened to fail to mention the fact that I'm deathly afraid of heights.

When we're next, Devontae goes up first, lending me a hand and helping me up. He hands me the unicorn as I sit in the passenger cabin, and he joins me. The man working the Ferris wheel, makes sure we're safely inside before telling us to the safety rules.

"And here we go." He says as the wheel slowly begins to go higher. Tae is enjoying the shit out of this but now I am completely frozen in place. I have no desire to look down either, I clutch the safety bars with so much strength that I can see my veins become more pronounced. Then I start hyperventilating.

"Woah, hey. Baby, what's wrong?"

My chest is heaving, and my eyes are screwed shut and a million thoughts are running through my mind all at once. The last time I had a panic attack in front of Devontae was on the plane and we never really talked about it because I felt uncomfortable and he didn't ask about it, which I assume he did to not make me feel a way.

I'm so fucking selfish. Devontae can't even enjoy this because I just had to ruin it with me panicking and now, he must attend to me when he should be enjoying the moment. I can't hear anything that's going on around me nor whatever Tae is trying to say to me because the blood rushing through my ears and tears prick at my eyes. Please not now.

I feel him pry my hands from the safety bars and he takes them into his large ones, rubbing soft circles on the outside of my hands. I feel something on my forehead and through my teary eyes I look at him to find his forehead laid on my own.

He takes my palm and places it under his shirt from underneath and I can feel his heartbeat, it's slow and steady and it soothes me slightly. I inhale deeply through my nose and exhale through my mouth and repeat till it calms my breathing. As the salty tears roll down my face, Devontae kisses each one and it makes me wanna sob, but I hold back even though my throat burns.

I peel my eyes open to find his sad eyes looking back at me, "scared of heights?" He asks me and I swallow deeply, nodding once, "terrified."

"Why didn't you tell me you were afraid?" He asks me, his voice strangled. "You wanted to get onto the ride, and I didn't wanna spoil it for you cause you were so excited and..."

He shakes his head, "you know, I would never force you to do something if you didn't want to especially if it's a phobia you got. All I want for you is to feel safe, I want you to feel safe around me." I nod as he swipes the last of my tears off my cheeks and lays his forehead on mine again and I can't help but shut my eyes again.

He rubs his thumbs under my damp eyes, I open them to look at his dark mocha eyes, he removes his necklace and places it around my neck, "I want you to hold onto something for me. I want you to have this. Anytime you feel overwhelmed or anxious and I'm not there, this can comfort you." It's a silver plated necklace with a cross. The one he never ever takes off, not even in the shower. The same one that dangles in my face whenever he has me on my back with his dick buried deep inside me.

He kisses me on my lips, and I wipe my eyes with the sleeves of my black fleece jacket. The Ferris wheel comes to a stop and Devontae gets out first, helping me out, my legs are a bit wobbly as I got out, but Devontae scoops me up and carries me down the platform.

My phone vibrates in my pocket, and I pull it out to find a text from Sasha. I laugh, shaking my head, stuffing my phone back into my purse, "They're at the bumper cars."

"A'ight let's go then."

When we finally get there, we find the gang in bumper cars, already started the fun without us. boys I must say the boys look ridiculous in the tiny little bumper cars, and their huge frames but they don't seem to care. "There you are! You missed out, some kid aggressive bumped into Travis and now they got beef." Sasha rushes out when they spot us.

"To be honest, kids of now days are mad disrespectful." Devontae says, hooking his arm through mine. Cassie nods in agreement, "You know you got that right. We should normalise having beef having beef with little kids."

Amaal lets out an oof when her bucket hat, covers her eyes when her and Luca's bumper car bump into Sasha and James, "well, what are you guys standing around for? Let's go!"

This time around everybody gets into their own individual cars. Rome pretends to rev the engine ass he shoots off, doing wheelies, I bump into Cassie making her nearly fall out of the tiny bumper car and she narrows her eyes at me while I let out a spluttering laugh.

Then I let out a yelp when Devontae comes from nowhere bumping into me on the side. The impact makes my hair get in my face, blinding me momentarily. I part my hair away from my eyes and gives Tae a death glare.

"You wanna play dirty?" I ask and begins chasing him down, his laughter filling the air. Unfortunately, Roman unexpectedly comes in front of me and we both ram into each other.

"Roman!" I exclaim, throwing up my hands. "You bumped into me!" He gestures to my bumper car.

"I think we should go get food before we murder each other." Amaal suggests, before letting out an oof when Travis bumps into her. "Agreed. Ah!" Cassie exclaims when Sasha bumps into her.

Everyone gets out of the cars, Travis narrowing his eyes at the kid that bumped into him before. The child sticks out his tongue at him in return and Travis's eyes widen in shock. Before he can do anything, Lucas throws his arm over his friend's shoulder pulling him away before he does or says something he'll regret.

...

We walk around the pier looking for actual food and not just snacks, then we stumble upon a burger restaurant called Nomoo.

The group sits at a booth which we all squeeze into leaving Travis and Roman to get chairs because there was not enough space. I came back from the bathroom, washing my face and I'm about to sit down next to Devontae but he pulls me onto his lap. I want to pull off him, but he holds me in place. I narrow my eyes at him, and he simply shrugs, and I roll my eyes.

"Okay, we gotta talk about this. Why aren't you two dating anyone?" Amaal looks at Travis and Roman. They both look at each other and burst into a fit of laughter, the rest of us glance at one another, concerned about their maniacal laughter at the simple question.

Roman wipes away an imaginary tear before sobering up and giving Amaal a serious look, "Nah, we ain't built for that."

"That literally makes no sense." Amaal looks at them, bored.

"Basically, there's certain people who are meant for relationships like you three idiots," Travis states pointing at James, Luca and Devontae and they simultaneously narrow their eyes at him, "then there's some of us who aren't and that's how it is."

"We can't be tied down to a female when we're still in our early twenties. We gotta live a little man." Rome interjects and he fist bumps Travis.

"Females?" I repeat.

"You are females, right?" Travis asks confused.

"We're not denying that, it's the tone and the word makes it seem so derogatory." Amaal says.

"How is derogatory?"

"Any animal can be female, but you have to be human to be a woman. You don't hear us saying you males are liars" I say.

"I guess that makes sense." Rome thinks aloud.

"Good, I never wanna hear you refer to us as that ever again." I smile at him tightly.

"A'ight, time out. All I'm saying is that you can't think you gonna be twenty one forever. As you grow older, your interests change." Amaal says, looking at Luca and my heart swells when he places a kiss on her cheek.

"By older, she means matured." I input and Travis sticks out his tongue at me and I mimic him. "Nah, honestly speaking, we're in no rush, we just enjoying living, man. We not looking for anything serious right now."

"Even if that means you'll end up being alone forever?" Devontae asks now and Rome shrugs. At this point we're all lucked out. No convincing from us will ever change their minds unless there will be that one girl who'll change their mind along the way. I run a hand down my face in frustration, Sasha rolls her eyes and Amaal heaves a sigh in exasperation girls while Tae, James and Luke can't help but shaking their heads.

I glance at Cassie, who's been incredibly quiet since the start of the conversation. She's simply playing with the straw of her drink, stirring it, and staring into space. She glances at Travis and looks back to her drink. Nobody else seems to notice it but I don't miss her reaction. From that moment, I choose to keep it to myself.

"So, whose gonna order?" Luke asked steering the conversation away from the previous one. Travis and Rome offer, probably to calm the atmosphere that's seems to be getting tense by the minute. I'm feeling it, I don't know but them. We tell them our orders and the go up to the front desk. There's a pretty brunette behind the counter, she looks like she can't handle them both, her eyes darting between both of them, her tan skin turning crimson the more the talk to her.

It becomes obvious that they're no longer talking about food as she tucks her hair behind her ear, as she flashes them a smile. Travis takes out his card to pay when another server who looks exactly like her appears. The girl behind the till hands Travis back his card and a napkin and I don't need to know what's on it. Her twin gives Rome her number and they both walk back to our table and sit down in their seats.

"Excuse me." Cassie whispers and immediately shoots out of her seat and walks to the back of the restaurant, to the bathroom. I watch her silently as leaves, then my eyes land on Travis, who's sunk lower into his seat, not exactly elated as he was before. There's something going on here.

Our number is called, and the guys get up to collect the food before setting it on the table. The food looks incredible, the animal fries, the burger looks juicy, and I can't wait. "Ah, shit. Are there onions on this?" I ask Rome, gesturing to the burger.

"Yeah, I think so..." He narrows his eyes, the gears in his head churning, then he remembers, "fuck, I'm sorry I forgot."

"It's okay," I open the top of the burger removing the raw onions and putting the bun back onto the burger.

"You like onions on your burger?" Devontae asks me, drawing her attention to him.

I slide off his lap to eat properly, "Yeah, they're disgusting. Especially on a burger." I make a face that makes him laugh.

"You're a picky eater."

I take a fork and pierce it through the fries, "no, no. I'm not. There's things I like then there's things I don't like, and I'm allowed to not like something."

"Okay, then anything else you hate that I need to make note of?"

"Mushrooms, cauliflower, gherkins, pickles, malva pudding, fruit cake, carrot cake, sushi and the fruit pieces in yoghurts."

"I also hate most of the things you mentioned but I think I can change your mind about the sushi thing." Devontae says, taking a sip of his diet coke.

"Please, don't. Sasha already tried and it didn't end well."

As we're talking, Cassie returns from the bathroom, and I can't help but notice her eyes look puffy. Now I can't help but be more concerned. I know for sure something is up but for her sake, I choose to talk to her when it's just the two of us.





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