chapter forty seven

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Something's wrong. Devontae is usually not like this. He's been silent ever since he came to apartment and I'm beginning to get worried. As if it weren't enough to deal with trolls and haters, I woke up to people publishing my abusive relationship on the internet, when I saw that I nearly had a full-on breakdown. It took months for me to put that past me, to heal fully and for people to not look at me like some charity case.

Now its front-page news for everybody to see, the moment my mom called, and I heard her voice, I couldn't stop the tears that escaped my eyes. Then my brothers called me individually, Arman is out for blood, ready to castrate Devontae for what's happening but it took a lot for me to calm him down because that is the last thing I need. Plus, Devontae has done all he could to protect and defend me, with his recent Instagram story telling people that the real victim in all this is myself because I didn't ask to be abused which is true, but nobody will ever understand until they are on the receiving end of it.

It's easy to sit behind a screen and talk crazy about other people's lives but I am not responsible for people's opinions about me. Even in these dark times, many organizations have reached out wanting to collaborate with me or have a sit down with me to share my experience and how I got through it to assist others who are going through the same thing or who have left an abusive relationship but honestly I don't think I'm ready, with me being thrusted into the public under this guise of being Devontae's second choice of a girlfriend or a gold digger or that he took pity on me and decided to date me...it's a lot, I'm barely dealing with that shit now.

Devontae has been holding my hand every step of the way, so much so that I have been at his place for the past two day because my place is a no go since my address got published but the way he's acting now has me concerned.

"Kiana, can we talk for a minute?"

Uh oh. My full name has been used. What's going on? I pause on the book I'm reading and put it down, placing my bookmark on where I last read on the page. Devontae is rubbing his palms together, avoiding eye contact with me and his knee is bouncing. Is he scared? Nervous? Even so what about?

"I don't think we can do this anymore."

I blink at him once, twice. Huh? I don't think I heard correctly. "What?"

He meets mine and I see the most distant, coldest mocha eyes staring back at me. "Us. Kiana, I'm talking about us." I leap to my feet; my heart has jumped into my throat. Am I being punked? "W-what?" I barely whisper. His head dips down, looking at his sock clad feet before looking back at me, "I'm breaking up with you."

What the actual fuck? I legit blow a fuse and my nostrils flare, and I climb up the stairs to his bedroom. I pull out his drawers and stuff the clothes that have accumulated over the past four months and the ones I had recently came with, I stuff them into my duffle bag, along with my toiletries. I put on my slides and zip up my bag, I emerge out of the room and just as I'm about to exit, Devontae appears and I push past him, making him stumble a bit.

I climb down the stairs and when I make it to the kitchen, I chuck my bag on the floor, "I'm giving you five minutes for you to change your mind or to say you're pranking me and if it is, this isn't a funny joke."

He licks his bottom lip, before biting on it, "no joke."

I rear my head back like he physically hit me, tears prick my eyes, but I refuse to cry. "Why?"

...

DEVONTAE'S POV

"Why?" She asks me, her voice so faint and strained that I almost don't hear her question. The clear hurt behind the question fucking kills me but I must do this. I'd rather her hate me then let her suffer the consequences of people's hate. I'm the one who put her under the public eye, so this is my fault.

"I can't risk -" My tongue burns as I prepare for the lie to leave my mouth. "I can't risk my chances of the draft if we continue, my reputation proceeds me."

Her usual hazel eyes are a deep burning forest green and gold, her nostrils are flared, and her perfect brows are narrowed my direction as she looks at me with a death glare, never thought I'd ever be on the receiving end of it. "Your reputation? Can't risk – do you even hear yourself right now?" Honestly yes and I fucking hate it, she can't know that though.

"Listen, Ki –" I take a couple steps nearer to her and she backs up, that makes me freeze in place. "Kiana, I'm making this best decision here for the both of us. You can pursue your dreams of being a psychologist and I can get into the NBA without the risk. Isn't that what you said?"

Way before we got together, we talked about our aspirations in life and how we couldn't afford to risk it over a mere relationship. I'm a dick for throwing it back in her face after how far we've come together but I gotta make this believable, this is the only way to protect her.

"You're an asshole for that, you know? I can't believe you'd bring up that shit from so long ago, we weren't even together at that time!" Fuck, she's angry. She flails her arms around in frustration before putting them on her forehead. "Look, I wish we could, but we shouldn't. We can't. We can't risk what we want at the expense of our relationship."

"We were just fine yesterday what changed?" She asks me, searching my eyes. Indeed, we were but I can't watch her suffer any longer. I shrug and she lets out a deep breath, "Devontae, I'm gonna give you one last chance for you to change your mind."

The longer she stands her in front of me, pleading I will end up changing my mind, I've done too much to backtrack now, "I'll order an Uber for you." I say, reaching for my phone. "You know what, Devontae..." she says my name with an expression that looks as though it makes her ill, "You been there beside me all this time supporting me, caring for me, being there for me, building my confidence only for you to fucking tell me that 'you can't risk your career'. I don't know what you've done with my Devontae but this one, I don't know anymore."

"The first man to ever break my heart was my father but it seems like you're cut from the same cloth because you just broke it again after you picked up the pieces. I thought we were soulmates but clearly, I was wrong about you. I fucking trusted you! I gave you my all, my body, my soul, and you just took a fat dump on all that. I shared with you everything I been through, and you promised to be different but you're just the fucking same. I wanted nothing more than to be more than just somebody's second option but it's clear I don't matter to you."

It's a risk but I close the gap between us, and I kiss her, telling her everything I wish I could say through my lips, her tears coat my cheeks as she melts against me before going rigid against my lips and pushes me off her and gives me a hard slap on my right cheek, "I deserved that."

"Fuck you, Devontae." Is the last thing she says before picking up her duffle bag, leaving the apartment, slamming the door shut behind her. I plop onto the couch, burying my head in my hands, I let out a shuddering breath as a tear escape from my eye.

...

AUTHOR'S NOTE

Who else is crying in the club at this chapter?



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