Everyday just feels like a repeat of the previous one. Wake up, class, training, home, sleep repeat. Nobody knows that Kiana and I broke up yet except for our friends but people are bound to put two and two together when we go to finals next week and everybody will go with their partners on their arm except me. However, there's no one else to blame except me. I put us in this situation in the first place, but it was for the best.

I miss her so fucking much, my days drag on longer than they used to, and I had grown accustomed to being with her whenever I was free now when I'm free, I just work out twice as hard as I did before. Instead of taking a run in the morning only, I take two. One in the morning and in the evening. I asked Luke while they were out if Kiana came and he said nah, him saying that made me feel like shit.

I wonder if she ate, is she getting enough sleep, if she's okay? All those questions got a bunch of question marks but a part of me knows she's taking it hard, seeing her crying and knowing that I was the reason for her crying...I will never recover.

While I'm doing pull ups in the gym, my phone rings. I jump down from the bar and land on my feet, I grab my phone from the bench nearby and answer, "hello?"

"Are you out of your damn mind boy?!"

Shit! I pull my phone from my ear when the loud voice hits my ear when I pick up, "I see you wanna bust my eardrums before I turn 22." That was meant to be a joke, but Dad did not take that lightly. "The thing I will bust is you, boy! When was you gonna tell me that you broke up with Kiana?" Okay, who snitched?

"Who told you?" I narrow my eyes, wiping my brow with the back of my hand.

"That's not – oh, so it is true? I thought I was being fucked with. What is wrong with you, Devontae?" He asks me and I do not need to look at him to know his nostrils are flared and the vein is popping on his forehead. I don't remember the last time my dad's ever lost his shit with me, other than ball and the time I got into that fight with Dom but it wasn't this explosive. In my personal affairs my dad prefers to stay away from because it's my business and I can handle it.

Although since he actually picked up the phone to yell my ear off about personal things, I know I truly, severely, royally fucked up. "Devontae, I asked you a question."

How do I answer that? So, I answer honestly, no point in lying. "I don't know."

"Devontae, I know no relationship is perfect and I know every relationship has its highs and lows but what the hell, son?" He's not shouting now; he's speaking calmly, and I know now that I have just disappointed my dad even more. "I did what's best for her."

"For her? Are you even listening to yourself? Breaking up with her when she needed you most was what's best for her? Where's the logic in that? If you were in front of me, I'd smack on the upside of your empty ass head."

I deserve that too.

"Listen, I give you an earful right now, but I don't want to waste my time or my energy. The time you came here, I saw the way you looked at her. You looked at her the way I look at your mother, after your bad choices in women you made the right one and you letting her go just like that? You should know better by now that the internet will always find something to critique and poke at, whether you do good or bad. Your logic was a bit off but I kinda understand why you did it. That don't mean I support your decision nor think it's right because it isn't, and you know it wasn't."

It made sense at the time, "I don't need to know what you said all I need you to do is fix your mess, what you did was basically put a band aid on a stab wound. Devontae, you must stop thinking people have to be protected from you."

I can't help but feel a twinge of pain in my chest at my dad's words, "."

My dad sighs, "son, I can empathise on how you feel but Kiana is a big girl, yes this is hard no one can ever prepare for a life under the public eye especially if you haven't been exposed to it but if Kiana wanted out or couldn't handle the pressure, she woulda let you know."

"Yeah, I know." I wipe the stray tears on my cheeks and exhale.

"If you knew that fully and understood that why'd you decide to make that choice that she's better off without you while you go break her heart and yours at the same time?" He asks me.

"I thought..."

"I know, son." He interrupts me. "I know. Just put on your big boy pants and go get her before it's too late."