The summer sun beats down on the five of us girls as we wait for our classes to begin. I regret leaving my hair down today because not only are those faux locks making me sweaty, but they are gathering the heat of the sun and it feels like its trapped in my scalp. I've never felt so uncomfortable in my life. Cassie, Sasha, Amaal, and I gathered on the bench in the quad.

I don't know about anyone else, but I prefer winter weather, any excuse for me to wear my oversized sweaters and sweatpants, while drinking some coffee while reading an enjoyable book sounds like heaven to me. Unfortunately, Cali is often hot throughout the year. "Somebody please explain to me why we couldn't just skip today?" Sasha asks, looking at me pointedly through her large Prada shades. I fan myself, thinking it would make any difference, "personally, I fear the shit ton of work I'd have to do if I skipped."

I don't know how their majors are treating them, but psychology has and still is kicking my ass. So, I'd rather not skip just for my own piece of mind.

From a distance, I see James and his crew making their way over to us. I feel my heart racing I see Devontae. He doesn't acknowledge me immediately because he takes out his phone from his pocket and when they get nearer to me and the girls, he slows down and begins typing away in an aggressive manner before huffing a breath and stuffing it back into his pocket. When our eyes meet, my heart stutters in my chest like my heart missed a beat, I quickly look away and plaster a smile on my face as the group are in the middle of greeting one another.

I check my timetable again to see the class to which I am headed. "Oh crap, you were given Mrs. Rosati for psychology? Damn, that woman made my life a living nightmare last year." Roman remarks as he extends an arm over my shoulder. I groan and put my timetable aside, "I've heard, and I'm not looking forward to it. Rome, how are you doing psychology again?"

"I chose my programs last-minute. But it's not that bad," he shrugs. "Uh huh." Is all I say, with an arched brow. "Hey Kiki, gotta go but I'll see ya in History." Luca fist bumps me as he begins jogging down the corridors, Travis hot his tail waving hello and a quick bye thereafter. "You also have Hudson?" I shout in response. Yeah, it is tragic, isn't it? I chuckle at Lucas' snarky response as he gives it. Now it's just me and ─

"Devontae."

"Kiana."

We stand there awkwardly after greeting one another. Until we both decide to start speaking at once: "Kiana ─" We start laughing together. "Ladies, first." He offers, gesturing with his hand for me to speak.

"I just wanted to say that since our friends are dating each other, we gonna be seeing each other a lot more now so the fact that we –" I'm too embarrassed to say what's next.

"─ had sex." He finishes off for me. I inhale deeply, "─ uh yes, that. I think its best we crush the awkwardness now cos I'm really not comfortable right now." I laugh anxiously. He arches a brow at me, "do I make you feel uncomfortable?"

My eyes widen, and I firmly refute it "not even that. I'm just; it's not like that. Since it's been a while since I've slept with someone, I'm being a little aloof about this since I don't want to ruin our friendship."

He gives me an understanding nod and says, "I get it." I take a breath and smile because I feel like I can now rest "wonderful! So, what did you wanna say?" I watch him pause, but he quickly decides otherwise, saying, "I actually wanted to say the same thing."

I decide not to ask him any further questions after giving him a dubious glance. Instead, I say, "oh! I'm glad we can agree on something then." When I see the time, I panic and clench my hands. "Oops, I have to go, or Ms Rosati will publicly execute me. Talk later?"

"Of course," he replies. I return his crooked grin as I wave him off and make my way to class. I've spent the last two hours reading my psychology textbooks, but I have no idea what I'm doing. Ms. Rosati is currently making my life a living hell, so Roman wasn't lying when he said she made his life miserable. It's complicated to study psychology. Although there is a lot of reading and the textbooks are thick as bibles, once you've been doing it for three or more years, it gets significantly simpler. Now that I feel entirely out of my element, all I want to do is go to bed, but my fear of failure keeps me up. Along with being poor. I've thought about becoming a stripper far too often.

My laptop is resting on my lap as I type swiftly. These days, it's becoming more difficult to find second-hand textbooks. I sigh, highlight the last of my notes, and at the same time check for textbooks I can buy, adjust my round, black-framed glasses so they don't fall off my nose. When someone finally responds, she notifies me of the meeting place by sending me a message. When I finally give up, I close my book and laptop and stand up. I leave my bedroom, go downstairs, turn on the stove, and start boiling the kettle.

My front door opens, and my three girlfriends come in. Sasha rolls her eyes as I inquire about class.

"Don't even get me started, ugh. The amount of crap that is due is absurd considering that the semester just began."

I chuckle as I take four wine glasses and reach into the cabinet for the Rose. I crack open the bottle and fill the cups with the pink liquid. "Hello, my bitches." As she removes her gloves and beanie, Cassie says. Amaal follows behind her and uses her foot to close the door while considering the numerous books she is holding.

Amaal huffs, "Gee, thanks for the help, Cass."

I scurry over to her and remove half the stack from the one she is holding while huffing. They weigh a lot. They are seated on the stools near the breakfast bar next to Sasha, who raises an eyebrow at them. Amaal sighs as she slumps onto the bar seat and runs her hands through her jet-black hair.

"So, what's going on? Although we link up all the time, the fact that you are making spaghetti just screams "stressed out." I examine the food on the gas stove once more while glaring at Cassandra.

"There's no problem," I lie. I have no idea why I'm lying in the first place, and the females are already aware of it.

As much as I won't say it aloud, I haven't stopped thinking about Devontae, I'm embarrassed to admit that a week later, I'm still thinking it. He did everything a guy promises you before sex but never manages to do. I came seven times that night, which is sufficient proof that he is a pro.

I shake my head at the inappropriate thoughts as I turn to face my three friends. "Really?" Amaal expresses doubt in her question. Cassie adds as she brushes her locks away from her face, "Yeah, Ki we know you make pasta when you got something that's bothering you." Sasha rolls her eyes as she states flatly, "She fucked Carter."

My eyes widen as two heads jerk in my way. Oh my god. Did she have to? "You did what!?" Amaal shouts. "How did this happen and when?" With wide eyes, Cassie inquires. "Friday." I say, not paying attention to them as I put the pasta into the bowls. "How was it? Was it good?" Amaal excitedly asks. I glance sternly at my Afro - Filipino friend.

She nods, sealing her mouth with her lips. "Yeah, right, that's not the point." Cass casts me a scowling glance "I can't keep up. How on earth could this happen?" Sasha continues, "She even stayed the night," and I scowl at her, wishing she would stop talking. Amaal exhales, and Cassie gives me a saucer-eyed stare. "No," Amaal responds. "Way." Cassie concludes. "You would too after the number of times I came." I respond. "Damn." Amaal waggles her eyebrows at me as she lines her lips tightly in response.

"Gurl, neither of you realize it yet, but you got him pussy whipped." Cassie gives me a Cheshire Cat-like grin. It was simply sex, Cassie, I quickly flush and clumsily clear my throat. Cassie nods indifferently. "Sure." Okay, hold up, Amaal says. I do recollect that night, you two were friendly with one another. I don't recall being drunk. She gives her a brow-raising expression. "Did he at least have a huge dick?" Cass queries me.

Keeping my head in my hands, I nod. "Well, that's good to know. Providing you didn't fuck him more than once in a single night. She remarks as she sips from her drink. I fucked up.

My forehead rests on the island counter as my head slides from my hands to the chilly marble surface. Cassie pauses and probes, "You did fuck him only once, right?" with concern.

I don't respond.

Cass refers to me as "Kiana" in the same manner my mother does when I behave inappropriately. "How many times? Asks Amaal. I comb through my hair and say, "I don't remember." Low whistles from Sasha "Kiki, you are fucked. both literally and figuratively."

I appreciate it, Sash. Sasha immediately returns my sarcastic smile once I lift my head off the island and say. Speaking with her lips curled inside her mouth, Cassie "Sis, I'm astonished. I'll tell you that, I didn't know you was a freak in them sheets."

I sent him the most desperate message ever a while back when I finally made the decision to get my act together and want anything to happen. I was unaware that he had recently started dating his ex, which had prevented anything from happening between us. But what truly annoys me is how leisurely that evening was. It felt as if this had been our first time sleeping together. It was animalistic but also endearing because Devonte was so patient and complimented every area of my body. He also maintained eye contact with me each time I came and continuously made sure I was okay.

And because of how that night went down, I'm not sure whether it can be categorised as just a hook-up.

I glance up from my notes to find the university library in complete silence. It will be best for me to do the work that I have never had the time to do thoroughly. My major isn't for the fainthearted because of all the terminology you must understand, and even if you enjoy reading, the reading can be laborious and tiring.

Growing up, I never really intended to choose what I do now, and my professional choices changed throughout the years. When I was in my junior year of high school, I finally knew what I wanted to do. It was late but hell, and uni students still don't even know what they want to do. Along with managing my mental health and dealing with family issues, high school was the most tough time for me. I chose to pursue a career in psychology not because it would pay well, but rather because I would get the chance to support others in the same manner that I had wished others could have helped me. I have a vision of starting my own practice too.

In the business sector, I am aware that I need to work twice as hard to get anything I desire. Being a woman who is striving to establish herself is challenging enough; being Black makes it harder. The fact that I'm a Black woman who is also biracial adds to the burden but if I allow anything to block my way, I'll be to blame. Hearing the joints pop after sitting down for so long, I stretch my arms and legs. I get out of my chair and look around the mostly empty, peaceful library. The only sounds are the occasional clicking of a computer keyboard and the yawns of those seated nearby who are also catching up on their work.

I pack up everything I need and leave the silent library to get ready for my shift at the diner after putting everything in my tote bag.

...

𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩 𝐢𝐬 𝐝𝐞𝐝𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐲 𝐛𝐞𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐢𝐟𝐮𝐥 𝐛𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐮𝐧𝐢𝐭𝐲.

𝐖𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐜𝐢𝐯𝐢𝐥 𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬 𝐦𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬 𝐠𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐧 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐁𝐋𝐌 [𝐁𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐋𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐬 𝐌𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫] 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐆𝐁𝐕 [𝐆𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐁𝐚𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐕𝐢𝐨𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞] 𝐢𝐭'𝐬 𝐨𝐧𝐥𝐲 𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐧𝐨 𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐛𝐢𝐠 𝐨𝐫 𝐬𝐦𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐦𝐲 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐦 𝐢𝐬.

#𝐁𝐋𝐌