chapter fifty

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 I hate these people who I call friends. I just wanna lie in bed and waste away until graduation. They fucking dragged my ass outta bed, forced me to take a bath and get ready while they cleaned up my room which I think can be considered a health hazard with the amount of snack wrappers, clothes everywhere and tissues I used to wipe my tears and blow my nose.

I've been an emotional wreck. Some days I'm good, some days I'm not. One day I'm sobbing mess the next it's like shit never happened. I'm on a rollercoaster of emotions and I can't control them.

Why does love have to hurt so much? It shouldn't though. I knew I loved Devontae the day we first time fucked but it was way too earlier for me to say, plus it fucked me up because I could not afford to mess with my last year at uni as I'm tryna get into grad school. My plans got derailed but pleasantly though because of Devontae.

The more I think of the way he broke up with me and way it felt so programmed and unnatural I knew everything he said was a fucking lie. Question is why did he have to lie? I've known him for too long to not notice when he's being genuine and when he's not.

Now I'm mad for a whole other reason. He lied. He knows better than to lie, I can deal with other shit but what I cannot tolerate is lies and being made a fool so in the name getting my shit together 101, I decided to go out with the girlies which I'm pretty sure I'm gonna regret.

The party is in full swing when we get there. We walk into the usual ambiance, loud hip hop music, the clustered bodies of the makeshift dance floor and the smell of sweat, weed, choking perfume and alcohol. Sickening combination.

I decided to wear a dress which I'm still self-conscious of wearing because it fit differently last year because I wasn't eating much due to Tristan's comments about my weight but since the coma and dating Devontae, I gained it all back maybe even more. Not once did he make me feel bad about it instead, he instead loved the new weight gain and showed it to me by how much he touched on me. Dammit, I can't be thinking about him right now.

I can't help it though because at this point the whole gang is boo'd up. Sasha and James are busy cackling in the corner, Amaal and Luke are swaying to the music however it's definitely not the deafening, trap music playing overhead. Travis and Cassie have slipped away since we arrived and Rome well, I don't know where he is, but I have an idea.

So now I'm nursing my raspberry cider, in the kitchen all on my own. This was a bad idea. Uh oh. That bad idea has become even more apparent when I see them walk through the door, I duck and slip away from the party goers and onto the balcony upstairs, the cool air hits me and I feel relieved compared to the stuffy atmosphere inside.

I drink the rest of my drink in one large gulp and throw it in the trash, I lean against the railing with my arms, my senses heighten when I feel a presence behind me. Sure enough, he walks toward me until he's next to me. I look at his hands, that's ridden with silver rings and my eyes run up his arms, but I refuse to look at him. I know that if I do, I'll grow weak.

"You got some nerve following me up here." I say. He says nothing and remains silent next to me. I suddenly feel even more self-conscious in this dress now that he's here, scandalous can't even describe how it is. It's silk and it's black and its short with low neckline. I'm not wearing a bra either. Oh boy. I finally dare to look at him and the way his dark eyes are taking me in, screams trouble. I may be upset but my body still responds to him, a simple look is enough to switch me off or on.

"That dress, you uh...you look incredible. Wow." His eye rake up and down my body and they get darker, like a molten black colour. I gotta get out of here. "Nope, nope, nope. We're not doing any of that." I say, readying myself to leave.

"What?" He asks me, like he wasn't just undressing me with his eyes just now. I walk off the balcony and take cover inside, "no, Devontae. I'm not doing this with you. I'm still fucking mad at you and you're not my boyfriend anymore, so I don't need you looking at me like that."

"So, I make you nervous, then?"

I swallow. Hard. "No." I almost whisper. He steps closer, so close I can smell him, his woody cologne invading my senses, His hand reaches out to touch the hem of my dress and I damn near pass out from holding my breath. "So, you're telling me right now that I don't affect you?"

Oh hell.

I wet my lips, my eyes searching his face, "no." I'm lying through my teeth here and my body feels like it's on fire and he hasn't even touched me. What the hell am I doing? I need to leave. Now. I shake my head and head for the stairs, but this man is too quick and damn grips my wrist dragging me in the direction of he's going. "What are you doing?" I seethe, grabbing his hand with my other hand trying to pry his hand off me.

He pulls open the first door he sees which is a bedroom and pulls the both of us inside. I press my body against the door as Devontae gets to close for comfort, he leans his head forward and I turn mine to the side, closing my eyes and rolling my lips into my mouth. He sniffs my neck before groaning then licks a trail from my collarbone and stopping just beneath my ear.

My heartbeat is erratic, and I don't stop him with my senses going into overdrive, freezing me in place. He grips my chin and makes me look at him directly in the eyes, when he bites his lower lip, I know there's no going back. He kisses me gently and instead of pushing him off me, I tug him closer. He lifts one leg of mine up and pulls my thong to the side, his finger gently brush my clit and I let out a squeak, before he slides two fingers in my pussy, he pumps me twice before removing them and tasting my essence on his fingers, his eyes close as he licks them, "damn, you taste so sweet."

Oh, fuck me.

I pull my dress off swiftly as he stares at me wide eyed and mouth gaping, "shit." He groan. Next my underwear is off and I'm standing front of him, naked with heels on. He stares at me for a couple more minutes before snapping into motion, unbuckling his belt, pulling off his shirt. I kneel before him, finishing of the job for him, pulling his jeans and briefs down his legs. His dick springs out from its cage, nearly smacking me on the face, I climb onto the bed, taking off my heels. "No, no. Keep them on."

I lie back on the bed, spreading my legs wide open for him to see how wet I am, "fuck baby, you look –" I shake my head, "if we're gonna do this, you cannot say a word to me, looking at you alone makes me wanna slap you." His mouth forms the shape of an O before getting down to business. He kneels and I know he wants to eat me out, he always does before we have sex but now it's different, we don't mean nothing to each other anymore. So, I roll over, getting on my hands and knees, tooting my ass up and arching my back. Missionary is too intimate of a position for us to do right now.

"Fuck me, harder and fast."

"I don't have a condom."

"As if that was problem before."

He slides into me from behind and we both gasp at the feeling, it's been two weeks, but it's been too damn long. So long since he's filled me up, I moan loudly as he begins delivering hard and fast strokes, my ass cheeks clap with each stroke and the sound echoes loudly throughout the room. Devontae is usually very vocal during sex, and I know it's hard for him not say a word but right now all that matters is me chasing my nut.

He slows down, but still gives it to me harder and I can feel myself on the edge. I reach down and rub my clit furiously, panting a moaning loudly. He smacks my ass and I squeal feeling myself get wetter, that I can it slipping down in between my thighs. My legs shake and I feel myself getting weaker, I give no warning as I come. I shut my eyes as I belly flop onto the bed, Devontae however flips me over onto my back the same position I was avoiding, he kisses my nose before releasing his hot come inside me. His slows slow then he pulls out of me and flops onto the bed next to me as we catch our breath.

When I come down from my high, I immediately realise my fuck up and jump off the bed collecting my dress and thong off the floor, as icky as I feel wearing my underwear again after he came in me, I have no choice, I pull it on and slip on my dress. I try to salvage my hair and makeup which Is useless cause its all smudges and my edges are messed up. I look like a hot mess, which I am inside and out.

I can't believe I let him fuck me after what he's done.

"Hey, where you going?" He asks me, sitting up.

"Away from you." I say, deciding to undo my hair from the ponytail and let it cascade past my shoulders. I grip the door knock but he suddenly materialises, gripping my wrist, "please don't do this."

"Don't do what? You broke up with me remember?" He remember and he looks down, unable to look at me now. "Now you can't answer me. Look, this was just my moment of weakness because I can't seem to think straight when I'm around you, but I beg of you, you decide to leave so stick to your decision."

I pull open the door and leave and I make sure to not even glance over my shoulder when I close the door behind me.

...

AUTHOR'S NOTE

This sex scene was not what I had originally planned but it fit so well. Plus who doesn't love some good ol' 'we shouldn't be doing this' sex? Devontae's gonna have to sweat a little to get Kiki back.




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